Forever.
Its been about forever since I've updated here. I stopped using it due to the lack of people looking at it. Some I don't want to look at it at all. They think I complain too much, they think that I have problems.
Well listen up people: I DO HAVE PROBLEMS!
I think that I am clinically depressed. No, I haven't been to a doctor to check this out for sure. I just feel, deep down, that there is something wrong with me. I wake up unhappy. I find myself constantly putting myself down. Lots of people think I'm awesome, but for some reason I don't see it. I feel unworthy to be around people. My art is suffering. I can't draw anything that I like. I found myself crying because of something I saw on T.V. It made me miss my family, especially my brother. I know that I saw him last week...but since I moved to college it feels like I've been ignoring him. I feel that I should be there for him doing big brother stuff. I feel like I'm missing out.
I'm sick of being alone. If people think that I'm so awesome, how come I don't have someone to share my life with. HERE I AM LADIES! Right here. I'm perfect. I'm not a jerk. I don't complain. I am a very loving person. I don't mind cuddling. I like watching T.V. under a warm blanket. I have a job. I have the softest hair in the world. What more could you want?
I know. You all want someone who is handsome/cute. You want flat stomachs, and tight buns. I don't have either. I've been the fat kid forever. No one cares about the inside. I have more to offer than just looks (See above). It seems like only the assholes of the world get what they want. Does it pay not to be nice? Does it pay to be fit? I just wish people understood. I don't deserve to be tortured day to day like this. I don't like going home to a cold room. I don't like the lack of someone feeling the same way I do about them. A one sided fight is no fight at all.
I don't let any of this ruin my life though. This would make me an EMO kid. Emo kids take it all out on everyone. They don't talk to people. They don't take steps to improve their lives. They just sit in their rooms, sulking, and listening to their emo music. If I were an emo kid getting out of bed would be a chore. I, on the other hand, dread sleeping. My subconscious attacks me while I'm helpless to fend for myself. I have reoccuring nightmares that taunt me, and wake me up. They are bad enough to keep me up too. Could it be guilt that is feeding these dreams, or is it my utter fear of being alone for the rest of my life. Not being able to let go of someone that I thought would want to be with me is becoming a huge problem. The one time I thought that I was going to be happy with someone. The one time I thought someone would love me in a way that I could hope to love them... and I get let down. I suppose this wouldn't be so hard if I didn't think that it won't happen again. I have had no evidence of any hope because all I do is get turned down. All I am is a good friend, and thats all I'll ever be.
Well listen up people: I DO HAVE PROBLEMS!
I think that I am clinically depressed. No, I haven't been to a doctor to check this out for sure. I just feel, deep down, that there is something wrong with me. I wake up unhappy. I find myself constantly putting myself down. Lots of people think I'm awesome, but for some reason I don't see it. I feel unworthy to be around people. My art is suffering. I can't draw anything that I like. I found myself crying because of something I saw on T.V. It made me miss my family, especially my brother. I know that I saw him last week...but since I moved to college it feels like I've been ignoring him. I feel that I should be there for him doing big brother stuff. I feel like I'm missing out.
I'm sick of being alone. If people think that I'm so awesome, how come I don't have someone to share my life with. HERE I AM LADIES! Right here. I'm perfect. I'm not a jerk. I don't complain. I am a very loving person. I don't mind cuddling. I like watching T.V. under a warm blanket. I have a job. I have the softest hair in the world. What more could you want?
I know. You all want someone who is handsome/cute. You want flat stomachs, and tight buns. I don't have either. I've been the fat kid forever. No one cares about the inside. I have more to offer than just looks (See above). It seems like only the assholes of the world get what they want. Does it pay not to be nice? Does it pay to be fit? I just wish people understood. I don't deserve to be tortured day to day like this. I don't like going home to a cold room. I don't like the lack of someone feeling the same way I do about them. A one sided fight is no fight at all.
I don't let any of this ruin my life though. This would make me an EMO kid. Emo kids take it all out on everyone. They don't talk to people. They don't take steps to improve their lives. They just sit in their rooms, sulking, and listening to their emo music. If I were an emo kid getting out of bed would be a chore. I, on the other hand, dread sleeping. My subconscious attacks me while I'm helpless to fend for myself. I have reoccuring nightmares that taunt me, and wake me up. They are bad enough to keep me up too. Could it be guilt that is feeding these dreams, or is it my utter fear of being alone for the rest of my life. Not being able to let go of someone that I thought would want to be with me is becoming a huge problem. The one time I thought that I was going to be happy with someone. The one time I thought someone would love me in a way that I could hope to love them... and I get let down. I suppose this wouldn't be so hard if I didn't think that it won't happen again. I have had no evidence of any hope because all I do is get turned down. All I am is a good friend, and thats all I'll ever be.