(no subject)
I have some seriously weird issues with death and dead things and things relating to death.
Specifically, at the moment, I'm freaking out a little because I have organ donor status on my driver's permit. I ...thought it was a good idea at the time, didn't really think much about it, but recently it was brought to my attention and I started to think about it (not for the first time, but this is the first time it made me actually freak out). I... don't want to be an organ donor. Not because I don't want to help save people, I mean, I feel bad about not wanting to be one, but it just makes me profoundly uncomfortable to think about a piece of my body sticking around when I'm no longer alive.
I mean, I plan to be cremated. I do NOT want to sit around and rot (or come back as a spirit or a zombie or have my corpse possessed). The mere idea of laying around and rotting, whether I'd feel it or not, just... no. But if someone else has one of my organs, there is a piece of me that isn't going to be burned with me. There's a part of me that someone else controls, that may not be cremated at all - there'll be a piece of me that rots, and there just are no words for how unsettled that makes me feel.
And then there's the bit where you're not sure who you'll be part of. You don't know what they'll do. They might be a cannibal or something, in which case that sort of makes ME a cannibal or something, you know? Only it doesn't. I know that my soul is not tied to my body, that if someone has my organs that does not make me part of that person as anything other than physically, but that doesn't make me less disturbed.
Both parts of the whole thing just make me feel borderline panic, and worry that I'll be in a car accident or something before I can go get this changed. I'm also a little worried about the reaction to that I'll get - the person I have to get it changed by will probably think I'm a horrible person.
Is there a nice way of saying "Um, hey, I no longer want to offer my organs to people who are dying once I'm dead! Can you change my permit for me, please, so that I don't get people cutting me up when I die?"
/neurotic Erin is neurotic
/morbid Erin is morbid
Specifically, at the moment, I'm freaking out a little because I have organ donor status on my driver's permit. I ...thought it was a good idea at the time, didn't really think much about it, but recently it was brought to my attention and I started to think about it (not for the first time, but this is the first time it made me actually freak out). I... don't want to be an organ donor. Not because I don't want to help save people, I mean, I feel bad about not wanting to be one, but it just makes me profoundly uncomfortable to think about a piece of my body sticking around when I'm no longer alive.
I mean, I plan to be cremated. I do NOT want to sit around and rot (or come back as a spirit or a zombie or have my corpse possessed). The mere idea of laying around and rotting, whether I'd feel it or not, just... no. But if someone else has one of my organs, there is a piece of me that isn't going to be burned with me. There's a part of me that someone else controls, that may not be cremated at all - there'll be a piece of me that rots, and there just are no words for how unsettled that makes me feel.
And then there's the bit where you're not sure who you'll be part of. You don't know what they'll do. They might be a cannibal or something, in which case that sort of makes ME a cannibal or something, you know? Only it doesn't. I know that my soul is not tied to my body, that if someone has my organs that does not make me part of that person as anything other than physically, but that doesn't make me less disturbed.
Both parts of the whole thing just make me feel borderline panic, and worry that I'll be in a car accident or something before I can go get this changed. I'm also a little worried about the reaction to that I'll get - the person I have to get it changed by will probably think I'm a horrible person.
Is there a nice way of saying "Um, hey, I no longer want to offer my organs to people who are dying once I'm dead! Can you change my permit for me, please, so that I don't get people cutting me up when I die?"
/neurotic Erin is neurotic
/morbid Erin is morbid