(no subject)
I broke one of my own rules today and had iced tea with - gasp - artificial sweetener. But I didn't want to waste my precious, limited amounts of sugar on a glass of mango tea (as in it's made with mango leaves or something, parents bought it on the cruise) that I'd expected to be sweet in the first place! My dad apparently likes unsweetened tea (NEWS TO ME), and it was sprung on me, so I really had no choice! Still, I feel sort of horrible.
Uh, in other news I keep holding my breath to try to level it out. It works, but it takes so long that by the time I can stop holding it, I'm pretty close to passing out (I think, I've never actually passed out from no air so I'm not 100% sure I'm at that point, but it totally feels like it). Rush of air, optional coughing fit (and then start over, because coughing sets it off balance again). I'm not enjoying this.
I've become so anti-social / reclusive lately, it's sort of starting to be alarming. I don't want to leave my room if there are people around, to the point where I ran out and grabbed food (if it can be called that, really it was more like a snack and a drink) between the time my sisters left and the time my dad wakes up in the morning, just so I didn't have to see anyone today. I have literally not left my room since then, and that was like 7am. I'll probably go out for dinner, say a handful of words at best, and retreat back in here again asap later. It's really sort of weird, because I don't have logical reason to avoid them - it's not like we're in a family fight or anything (although my staying in here is liable to spark one, sigh), I just.... don't want to be around people. Humanity in general distress me when I'm like this, apparently.
I do, however, want to be around my band. Why is it not Wednesday?
(Actually if it were Wednesday I'd be late for band practice anyway, so maybe it's okay that it's not already time.)
I want to write something. Hm.
Edit: Also I went back to the original layout, because the white made me uncomfortable, and I can't find anything else I like, and I can't make my own due to a lack of skill / understanding of coding and things. Tralala.
Uh, in other news I keep holding my breath to try to level it out. It works, but it takes so long that by the time I can stop holding it, I'm pretty close to passing out (I think, I've never actually passed out from no air so I'm not 100% sure I'm at that point, but it totally feels like it). Rush of air, optional coughing fit (and then start over, because coughing sets it off balance again). I'm not enjoying this.
I've become so anti-social / reclusive lately, it's sort of starting to be alarming. I don't want to leave my room if there are people around, to the point where I ran out and grabbed food (if it can be called that, really it was more like a snack and a drink) between the time my sisters left and the time my dad wakes up in the morning, just so I didn't have to see anyone today. I have literally not left my room since then, and that was like 7am. I'll probably go out for dinner, say a handful of words at best, and retreat back in here again asap later. It's really sort of weird, because I don't have logical reason to avoid them - it's not like we're in a family fight or anything (although my staying in here is liable to spark one, sigh), I just.... don't want to be around people. Humanity in general distress me when I'm like this, apparently.
I do, however, want to be around my band. Why is it not Wednesday?
(Actually if it were Wednesday I'd be late for band practice anyway, so maybe it's okay that it's not already time.)
I want to write something. Hm.
Edit: Also I went back to the original layout, because the white made me uncomfortable, and I can't find anything else I like, and I can't make my own due to a lack of skill / understanding of coding and things. Tralala.