La Casa Loca! Digame?
Hello hello, today I have decided to wander about the Fairy Tale section of FF.net, where I have found this little gem...I quite frankly don't believe it myself...
Story Or Series Title: Crimson Cloak
Fandom: The beautiful Fairy Tales we were told as children...all gone! *cries* More specifically, Little Red Riding Hood.
Culprit Author's Name: Iscabibble...erm... I think I got that right...
Full Name (plus titles if any): quite frankly, no characters in this fic have any names...
Full Species(es): Human...I can only guess
Hair Color (include adjectives): "chestnut hair"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "deep green eyes" ...yawn...surprised? didn't think you would be...
Unusual Markings/Colorations: hrmm...lets see "beautifully shaped feet" and "slim white fingers that never ceased to amaze him"
Special Possessions (if any): hrmm...a baby?
Annoying Origin: Somewhere in the deep dark recesses of Farytale land...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Little red riding hood's grandmother!! *cue dramatic music* in the words of many wise Sue Hunters: I shit you not...
Annoying Special Abilities: Make most men she encounters fall in love with her, to be ther perfect little housewife, to make her near-dead husband have the strength to walk around for a while before -finally- expiring....
Other Annoying Traits: Getting me irritated at the fact that this story is not going to be completed, ever...if this would go on, I would predict -major- sue-age... (pun intended)
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
They lived together to see the rise and fall of only a year's worth of suns. One early morning while he was hunting the antlers of his prey struck him down when he thought he was safe. His clothing stained with the brightest dye of them all, he pulled himself slowly back to their doorstep. He wanted to see his young wife's face once more before the darkness forever stole him, wanted her deep green eyes to be the last thing to pass before his eyes. He managed to reach the garden before he stumbled forward and pitched toward the dampened earth. The turnip leaves stirred at his last deep breaths as he struggled to maintain himself, to life for just a little longer. He prayed with all his might for the powers that be to allow him just a few minutes longer, just until she returned from wherever she was. She would only be at the market, she was just finishing the dishes, she could be repairing the tear in her favorite worn dress, just a few moments longer. Only a few more.
*man runs back to the house, bleeding like there is no tomorrow* argh...not in the kitchen *he barges through the door, splattering blood everywhere, searching the entire first floor* she can't be far! *he then runs upstairs (and surprisingly still has blood)* where is my love? I shall not die before I see her...*yours truly grabs a rusty spork and finishes him off* Will you die already!!! It's for your own good...I hate drawn out deaths....
As she followed the now near impossible to follow trail, she wept bitterly. Truly, she could have no heart left after so much anguish.
as she followed the now near impossible to follow trail... *repeats this in her head a few times to grasp all the redundance*
As a final thought, have any of you noticed how the adjective "pure" is just waaaay overused in fan fiction? *wonders as she grabs a sip of her pure tea, conveniently placed in a pure maroon mug. She rubs her pure dog behind the ears as pure music drift in her pure ears.*
Story Or Series Title: Crimson Cloak
Fandom: The beautiful Fairy Tales we were told as children...all gone! *cries* More specifically, Little Red Riding Hood.
Culprit Author's Name: Iscabibble...erm... I think I got that right...
Full Name (plus titles if any): quite frankly, no characters in this fic have any names...
Full Species(es): Human...I can only guess
Hair Color (include adjectives): "chestnut hair"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "deep green eyes" ...yawn...surprised? didn't think you would be...
Unusual Markings/Colorations: hrmm...lets see "beautifully shaped feet" and "slim white fingers that never ceased to amaze him"
Special Possessions (if any): hrmm...a baby?
Annoying Origin: Somewhere in the deep dark recesses of Farytale land...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Little red riding hood's grandmother!! *cue dramatic music* in the words of many wise Sue Hunters: I shit you not...
Annoying Special Abilities: Make most men she encounters fall in love with her, to be ther perfect little housewife, to make her near-dead husband have the strength to walk around for a while before -finally- expiring....
Other Annoying Traits: Getting me irritated at the fact that this story is not going to be completed, ever...if this would go on, I would predict -major- sue-age... (pun intended)
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
They lived together to see the rise and fall of only a year's worth of suns. One early morning while he was hunting the antlers of his prey struck him down when he thought he was safe. His clothing stained with the brightest dye of them all, he pulled himself slowly back to their doorstep. He wanted to see his young wife's face once more before the darkness forever stole him, wanted her deep green eyes to be the last thing to pass before his eyes. He managed to reach the garden before he stumbled forward and pitched toward the dampened earth. The turnip leaves stirred at his last deep breaths as he struggled to maintain himself, to life for just a little longer. He prayed with all his might for the powers that be to allow him just a few minutes longer, just until she returned from wherever she was. She would only be at the market, she was just finishing the dishes, she could be repairing the tear in her favorite worn dress, just a few moments longer. Only a few more.
*man runs back to the house, bleeding like there is no tomorrow* argh...not in the kitchen *he barges through the door, splattering blood everywhere, searching the entire first floor* she can't be far! *he then runs upstairs (and surprisingly still has blood)* where is my love? I shall not die before I see her...*yours truly grabs a rusty spork and finishes him off* Will you die already!!! It's for your own good...I hate drawn out deaths....
As she followed the now near impossible to follow trail, she wept bitterly. Truly, she could have no heart left after so much anguish.
as she followed the now near impossible to follow trail... *repeats this in her head a few times to grasp all the redundance*
As a final thought, have any of you noticed how the adjective "pure" is just waaaay overused in fan fiction? *wonders as she grabs a sip of her pure tea, conveniently placed in a pure maroon mug. She rubs her pure dog behind the ears as pure music drift in her pure ears.*