News Roundup! The Gay Edition
Hello all, and welcome to a test-drive. I send out an e-mail a few times a week with all you would ever need to know about what's going on in the world today [ enter your e-mail here if you would like to receive it thattaway], and I figured that since I'm already compiling it, I might as well take a few extra minutes and put it here as well in an easily linkable, loveable entry. Feedback appreciated.
News Roundup! The Gay Edition
Well that'll about do it for us here. Remember to tune in tonight at 9:01 EDT to any broadcast news station as our President plans to speak to us about the fact that our money is on fire and our economy is the Hindenburg. Grab a bowl of popcorn. This should be fun.
News Roundup! The Gay Edition
- A "happy porn-writing Sodomite" is removed from lay leadership by the Roman Catholics after publishing a gay memoir. Ballsy. No pun intended.
- The long overdue: Clay Aiken: 'Yes, I'm Gay'| Whole World: Dude, we know.
- Lohan came out too, and the world yawned. It has to be a blow to her fame-guzzling father to know that his paparazzi princess is taking second to guy who hasn’t been in the media spotlight for years. But! If any other Hollywood glam-bots want to come out of the closet, it would seem that now would be an appropriate time to try and out-gay Clay. Oh, and good luck with that.
- First sexual orientation clarification, second... penis pumps in the court room. I hear tell those civil disputes just get tedious. Gotta find some way to keep morale high, I suppose.
- Speaking of penises, a man in Kentucky is suing his doctor for amputating his penis without his permission. Really, you have to be certain before you embark on that procedure.
- Make sure to penny-test your tires, kids. A salt shortage may lead to a slick winter.
- Bloomingdale's, despite several fervent denunciations of American commercial deities, have decided to build a store in Dubai. I think, in light of the recent Marriott bombing, this might be a bad idea.
- First, a new web browser. Now, Google is now taking over the cell phone industry with a phone that looks suspiciously like the iPhone but claims better functionality.
- If you're eating something, stop right now. PETA, in a fit of absurdity, has asked Ben & Jerry's to use breast milk in their products instead of cow's milk.
- New Electric Car Tally: GM: 1 | Chrysler: 3. All of which are infinitely superior to the Volt.
- Phase One of Energy Crisis: Project Vulcan as offshore drilling bans expire.
- In a new approach to punishing people for crimes, a convicted thief is given a Sharpie and is told to write on his arm in order to remind him to walk the straight and narrow line to a better life. It's not even a slap on the wrist. It’s a graduated string tied to your finger. I say we at least make the dude get a tattoo. In Comic Sans.
- In the latest edition of Hello-Your-Money-Is-Jacked, the Fed is investigating whether or not spiking food prices have been fixed.
- The FBI is also probing 26 firms at the heart of the $700 billion dollar bailout that has everyone shitting their collective pants.
- On a related note -- and in an ironic twist -- a McCain aide has been linked to Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae after Johnny spent so much time tearing Obama a new one for having loose, if not specious, ties.
- Speaking of McCain and Obama, here's where the polls be at.
Well that'll about do it for us here. Remember to tune in tonight at 9:01 EDT to any broadcast news station as our President plans to speak to us about the fact that our money is on fire and our economy is the Hindenburg. Grab a bowl of popcorn. This should be fun.