The Honeymoons Over?
Today I hung out with Kay, Marvin, and Jared. I was so excited. Mostly because it reminded me of last summer when we used to hang out and be stoned and stupid and laugh. Now...there's a sort of reality check involved. So many crazy/bad things have happened to all of us. It just isn't the same. When Im with Marvin I cant shake the feeling of things being tainted between us. Even though (on paper) we've gotten over the things we've done, it still lingers in my mind a little.
I just will not accept it anymore. I've let a lot of things slide during the last 4 months. Little things...but things nonetheless. I just don't feel appreciated. I feel like I do things that show that I care all the time and I dont get it back in return. And I feel like I bitch about it to much and nothing happens anyway. I hate that he opens so much. He doesnt get to sleep right, doesn't call, and when he does he's just speaking jibberish and he's passing out because HE'S NOT SLEEPING WELL! I hate that I care so much about this. I told him I dont feel the same anymore, he said "honeymoon's over." I had to think...is that really fair? Why should I stick around? Im too young to settle.
When Robert took me to the "surprise" tea house, it touched me so much. Anytime he would do something nice I would just think about how come Marvin didnt do anything thoughtful and cool like that with me. Robert is me in this relationship. I wish Robert were Marvin. I wish Marvin would surprise me at my job and bring me a flower...I wish he would find out where they were playing a movie I wanted to see and took me...I wish he would think ..hey Tati said she likes tea ..let me take her to a tea house. I hope I made the right decision in cutting Robert out of my life. Marvin said to do it because he doesn't feel like he should have to compete for his girlfriend, but maybe he does.
..in other news I got my grades from school. Did a lot better then I thought I would. No one thinks Im going back to school. Even though I have every intention of doing so (even if its only to meet new folks and have something else to do). Im worried about the direction my life is going in. Im starting to miss my Long Island crew vury vury much. I've been reading Perks of Being a Wallflower and Im falling in love with it. I still want to go eat Thai food with Roc. Getting a new passport is a bitch!
I just will not accept it anymore. I've let a lot of things slide during the last 4 months. Little things...but things nonetheless. I just don't feel appreciated. I feel like I do things that show that I care all the time and I dont get it back in return. And I feel like I bitch about it to much and nothing happens anyway. I hate that he opens so much. He doesnt get to sleep right, doesn't call, and when he does he's just speaking jibberish and he's passing out because HE'S NOT SLEEPING WELL! I hate that I care so much about this. I told him I dont feel the same anymore, he said "honeymoon's over." I had to think...is that really fair? Why should I stick around? Im too young to settle.
When Robert took me to the "surprise" tea house, it touched me so much. Anytime he would do something nice I would just think about how come Marvin didnt do anything thoughtful and cool like that with me. Robert is me in this relationship. I wish Robert were Marvin. I wish Marvin would surprise me at my job and bring me a flower...I wish he would find out where they were playing a movie I wanted to see and took me...I wish he would think ..hey Tati said she likes tea ..let me take her to a tea house. I hope I made the right decision in cutting Robert out of my life. Marvin said to do it because he doesn't feel like he should have to compete for his girlfriend, but maybe he does.
..in other news I got my grades from school. Did a lot better then I thought I would. No one thinks Im going back to school. Even though I have every intention of doing so (even if its only to meet new folks and have something else to do). Im worried about the direction my life is going in. Im starting to miss my Long Island crew vury vury much. I've been reading Perks of Being a Wallflower and Im falling in love with it. I still want to go eat Thai food with Roc. Getting a new passport is a bitch!