The Mean Post
I have been... nice. Haha, I guess you could call it that. My heart is broken and I simply rolled over, let it happen. It seems that way at least.
Marlee wants to remain friends. If that's how it's going to be, then I guess I can learn to accept that, eventually. For now, that is made difficult because she wont talk to me, other than forces friendliness over LJ comments. I send her emails and she ignores them, because sometimes the things I have to say shouldn't be broadcast over LJ.
I am NOT simply going to let this go though. I still love Marlee. Creepy stalker I am not. I can't simply stop what I feel. If it was possible, I'd fight for her, but there's no one to fight but Marlee herself.
I cannot face that I don't know how long "I love you" was hollow. All of them are lodges in what remains of my heart, like poisonous thorns. How many were false? Were any of them real? I used to joke that I should worry about Marlee and cowboys, and she always ALWAYS reassured me that they couldn't compete with me. Well, congratulations are in order for Wes I suppose. Does he know how lucky he is?
People keep trying to comfort me. They're late though. When I needed it? When I was crying, wandering around the house aimlessly, awake all night and wishing it to be a dream... No one was there for me. Truth is, Marlee was the only person I let in that close. Without her I HAVE no one. When I needed it, no one was there, and I don't want it now. I've licked my wounds and an attempt to help will only result in someone being bitten.
So. The long and short of this is that... Marlee needs to stop ignoring me. I'm not going to bite her, I've the capacity to be quite civil and friendly. I'm sorry if anything here seems cruel or harsh but... Ugh. I'm not really angry, just hurt. I don't want to yell at you, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. That was never what I wanted. I want you to know I still care. If I have to, "Just Friends" will have to suffice.
My future is blank right now. Any... plan or thought I've had for the future for the last year has involved Marlee. Remove her from that and my future is bleak, it's not the future that I want for myself. So... "Just Friends" will do. It's like... giving that future a bandaid when it has been shot like a dying animal. Whether it's enough or not, it's all I have.
Marlee wants to remain friends. If that's how it's going to be, then I guess I can learn to accept that, eventually. For now, that is made difficult because she wont talk to me, other than forces friendliness over LJ comments. I send her emails and she ignores them, because sometimes the things I have to say shouldn't be broadcast over LJ.
I am NOT simply going to let this go though. I still love Marlee. Creepy stalker I am not. I can't simply stop what I feel. If it was possible, I'd fight for her, but there's no one to fight but Marlee herself.
I cannot face that I don't know how long "I love you" was hollow. All of them are lodges in what remains of my heart, like poisonous thorns. How many were false? Were any of them real? I used to joke that I should worry about Marlee and cowboys, and she always ALWAYS reassured me that they couldn't compete with me. Well, congratulations are in order for Wes I suppose. Does he know how lucky he is?
People keep trying to comfort me. They're late though. When I needed it? When I was crying, wandering around the house aimlessly, awake all night and wishing it to be a dream... No one was there for me. Truth is, Marlee was the only person I let in that close. Without her I HAVE no one. When I needed it, no one was there, and I don't want it now. I've licked my wounds and an attempt to help will only result in someone being bitten.
So. The long and short of this is that... Marlee needs to stop ignoring me. I'm not going to bite her, I've the capacity to be quite civil and friendly. I'm sorry if anything here seems cruel or harsh but... Ugh. I'm not really angry, just hurt. I don't want to yell at you, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. That was never what I wanted. I want you to know I still care. If I have to, "Just Friends" will have to suffice.
My future is blank right now. Any... plan or thought I've had for the future for the last year has involved Marlee. Remove her from that and my future is bleak, it's not the future that I want for myself. So... "Just Friends" will do. It's like... giving that future a bandaid when it has been shot like a dying animal. Whether it's enough or not, it's all I have.