It comes in many forms?
I assumed I would experience post partum depression, because I’m so susceptible to hormonal influence on my emotional stability. I assumed it would happen early after pregnancy, and would involve crying all the time. Imagine how surprised and delighted I was when it didn’t happen!
But tonight there I was in my kitchen crying because I pretty much don’t care about anything or anyone who was previously important to me, other than Em and Juan. I can’t look people in the eye anymore. I’m too tired to care about their petty crap. I don’t even listen half the time when people are talking to me. I find I have no goals - I’m just trying to get through each day, only to find there’s another blasé day right there behind it waiting for me. I have moments of delight, and moments of feeling displeased, but mostly I spend most days wondering why people are talking to/at me. Why they are wasting energy being so fake at me, wondering if they actually think I’m convinced when they ask how I am and then glaze over 5 words into my reply. So I allow myself to do the same in return because really, I don’t care what they’re saying either. Right now my life is full of periods of blah blah blah between being at home hanging out with Em and Juan.
So I ask... Is this postpartum depression? Is it my priorities realigning themselves? Why am I acting like a jerk in my head to the very people who helped Juan and I through those first tough 6 weeks?
But tonight there I was in my kitchen crying because I pretty much don’t care about anything or anyone who was previously important to me, other than Em and Juan. I can’t look people in the eye anymore. I’m too tired to care about their petty crap. I don’t even listen half the time when people are talking to me. I find I have no goals - I’m just trying to get through each day, only to find there’s another blasé day right there behind it waiting for me. I have moments of delight, and moments of feeling displeased, but mostly I spend most days wondering why people are talking to/at me. Why they are wasting energy being so fake at me, wondering if they actually think I’m convinced when they ask how I am and then glaze over 5 words into my reply. So I allow myself to do the same in return because really, I don’t care what they’re saying either. Right now my life is full of periods of blah blah blah between being at home hanging out with Em and Juan.
So I ask... Is this postpartum depression? Is it my priorities realigning themselves? Why am I acting like a jerk in my head to the very people who helped Juan and I through those first tough 6 weeks?