Space Saga
The Space-Pirate Saga in Quest for the Jewel of Hrykl (without Caple), part II
"The, uh, team?" Doug asked, hiding his pipe behind his back.
"Jeff knows," Brian said, pushing his friend forward.
"That's, um, correct," Jeff declared as he tapped his two-by-four against his leg. "When your team arrived in our time, they promptly enslaved all local humans and forced them into building shanty cottages. We built many small buildings for them. They were so impressed with our skills of a carpenter that they traded their ship for our rustic hamlet."
"And this is why you have that bit of blood-stained wood with you," the alien said.
"Correct," Sally nodded spastically. "Also, I killed their asses by myself."
"You...?" the leader asked, scratching his head with several arms.
One of the sides of the cube-ship opened and formed a ramp exit to the ground. An alien came out, carrying a dead comrade in each of his four arms. "The red-haired human does not lie. All of the science team was murdered by these filthy apes. We feared that we would never be able to return with a live specimen, but one of them knew how to function the time-stopper in the prisoner module. All of them were frozen in time, giving us plenty of time to collect the expedition members they murdered."
"Sally definitely killed them all," Brian said, pointing. "He's a madman. The rest of us are innocent."
The alien in-charge tilted his egg-shaped head. "You have been on this planet for many hours, Earthmen. We have been studying you in your slumber."
Doug pulled his pipe up to attack position. "If you put anything in my p--"
"We also have much video surveillance," the alien said. "We witnessed the fighting, the improvised weapons, the lack of home-building," he spoke, his dark, dull eyes drifting to a close. "These antics that you have pulled--lying, blaming, attacking, killing--are exactly the amusing antics that we have so direly missed. Your extinction, in no uncertain terms, sucked. We wish to make things enjoyable once again."
"Me too," Sally stumbled forward, armed with a rat.
"Dude," Jeff said, holding his shoulder. "He wants us to hurt others. And save humankind. Let us not hurt him until our task is done. Also, where did you find another rat?"
"I got a bunch," Sally said, slouching.
"Fear not. The hiyprets that you killed--"
"Hiyprets?" Brian asked.
"They are the equivalent of 'men' in our species. You killed four of them, and they out-armed you 2-1. I am quite impressed. They knew what they were getting into, and they will receive a warrior's pyre. Why don't we go somewhere more comfortable to discuss your future mission?" The alien asked, sweeping his hand toward the huge cityscape. "Unless you have additional questions."
"Can I learn your true language? 'Hiyprets' got me in the mood for some language," Brian asked.
"Did you just greedily declare that you were hot for learning because of men?" Sally asked, pulling out a pair of rats.
"I would be honored if you learned our language," the alien leader said. "But where are my manners? I am, as I said, Squalway, Lord of Earth."
"Jeff, I speak deftly."
"Doug, I know machines."
"Brian, fight and speak some Spanish. Earth Spanish."
"Sally, bitch. I will mess up your day and poop in your--"
"Excellent," Squalway said. "And I have already met your king. Why don't we move along?"
"Whoa, wait. King?" Doug asked, his pipe hand itchin' for swingin'.
YES, came a booming voice behind them. THEY HAVE REPAIRED ME. I AM NOW 47% CYBORG, AND 6 OF MY 12 FINGERS ARE SHADING PENCILS. PREPARE TO BE SKETCHED, AS I CAN NOW SKETCH AND WALK WITH SURPRISING AGILITY. Mecha-Caple stepped forward.
"Oh shit, you know I'm going to kill him again," Sally said.
"The, uh, team?" Doug asked, hiding his pipe behind his back.
"Jeff knows," Brian said, pushing his friend forward.
"That's, um, correct," Jeff declared as he tapped his two-by-four against his leg. "When your team arrived in our time, they promptly enslaved all local humans and forced them into building shanty cottages. We built many small buildings for them. They were so impressed with our skills of a carpenter that they traded their ship for our rustic hamlet."
"And this is why you have that bit of blood-stained wood with you," the alien said.
"Correct," Sally nodded spastically. "Also, I killed their asses by myself."
"You...?" the leader asked, scratching his head with several arms.
One of the sides of the cube-ship opened and formed a ramp exit to the ground. An alien came out, carrying a dead comrade in each of his four arms. "The red-haired human does not lie. All of the science team was murdered by these filthy apes. We feared that we would never be able to return with a live specimen, but one of them knew how to function the time-stopper in the prisoner module. All of them were frozen in time, giving us plenty of time to collect the expedition members they murdered."
"Sally definitely killed them all," Brian said, pointing. "He's a madman. The rest of us are innocent."
The alien in-charge tilted his egg-shaped head. "You have been on this planet for many hours, Earthmen. We have been studying you in your slumber."
Doug pulled his pipe up to attack position. "If you put anything in my p--"
"We also have much video surveillance," the alien said. "We witnessed the fighting, the improvised weapons, the lack of home-building," he spoke, his dark, dull eyes drifting to a close. "These antics that you have pulled--lying, blaming, attacking, killing--are exactly the amusing antics that we have so direly missed. Your extinction, in no uncertain terms, sucked. We wish to make things enjoyable once again."
"Me too," Sally stumbled forward, armed with a rat.
"Dude," Jeff said, holding his shoulder. "He wants us to hurt others. And save humankind. Let us not hurt him until our task is done. Also, where did you find another rat?"
"I got a bunch," Sally said, slouching.
"Fear not. The hiyprets that you killed--"
"Hiyprets?" Brian asked.
"They are the equivalent of 'men' in our species. You killed four of them, and they out-armed you 2-1. I am quite impressed. They knew what they were getting into, and they will receive a warrior's pyre. Why don't we go somewhere more comfortable to discuss your future mission?" The alien asked, sweeping his hand toward the huge cityscape. "Unless you have additional questions."
"Can I learn your true language? 'Hiyprets' got me in the mood for some language," Brian asked.
"Did you just greedily declare that you were hot for learning because of men?" Sally asked, pulling out a pair of rats.
"I would be honored if you learned our language," the alien leader said. "But where are my manners? I am, as I said, Squalway, Lord of Earth."
"Jeff, I speak deftly."
"Doug, I know machines."
"Brian, fight and speak some Spanish. Earth Spanish."
"Sally, bitch. I will mess up your day and poop in your--"
"Excellent," Squalway said. "And I have already met your king. Why don't we move along?"
"Whoa, wait. King?" Doug asked, his pipe hand itchin' for swingin'.
YES, came a booming voice behind them. THEY HAVE REPAIRED ME. I AM NOW 47% CYBORG, AND 6 OF MY 12 FINGERS ARE SHADING PENCILS. PREPARE TO BE SKETCHED, AS I CAN NOW SKETCH AND WALK WITH SURPRISING AGILITY. Mecha-Caple stepped forward.
"Oh shit, you know I'm going to kill him again," Sally said.