Friend Rankings
Me and Helena were discussing the concept of categorising your friends and acquaintances using letters. It was in the context of your Facebook friend list but can be extended generally. So an 'A' friend on the list is one you'd go for a pint with, but a 'B' is someone you consider a friend but wouldn't specifically meet up with unless it was part of a larger gathering. I mentally fleshed this out and completed the rating set:
A - Really good friend. You'd go for a drink with them, possibly alone.
B - You like this person and have shared lots of moments. However, they're part of your gang and you don't contact them specifically.
C - Acquaintances. You don't know them too well and may not even like them much.
D - These are people you know to see, but have never spoken to.
Some categories needed to be subdivided. Like, there are definitely shades of closeness in category A. There are people who I really like and love hanging around with, but in a crisis, I wouldn't ring them - I'd have other buddies who fit that category. So 'A' should be divided in two as follows:
A1 - BFF. You often have long phone chats with this person. You can go for long periods without contact with them and it isn't weird - the next time you meet, it's as if you'd never been apart. When something major happens in your life, you're on the phone/email to them right off the bat. You'd go for a drink with this person alone.
A2 - Really good friend. You meet people like this in very small groups or alone sometimes. Many of your major life events may have involved this person in some way, though they may not be an intimate confidante.
However, it's mentally exhausting to have too many A's, so in a group of friends most of them will be B's.
B - You may have had many interesting conversations with this person. You like them and have shared lots of moments. However, they're never quite close enough to you to actually contact specifically. When meeting them, it's always as part of a crowd.
B's are almost certainly mentally ranked into a few levels in most people's minds, but I can't fathom how to express this more clearly other than saying that there's some ranking in there. Visualise the B's all receiving a score from 1-10.
The acquaintances, the C's, are a tougher one. Since acquaintances are by definition not your friends (merely people you know), you may not actually like all of them. You met many of them through mutual friends and they may not be to your taste. Or you may have superficial things in common, but not enough for things to progress up to B level.
I divided the C's into three:
C1 - You like this acquaintance and have had some conversations. There isn't any particular reason why they aren't closer to you, it may just be because of circumstances. The mutual friend you met them through may simply be someone you don't move in the same circles as anymore. This person could easily get upgraded to a B. You may refer to them as your friend when in conversation with others.
C2 - Nice acquaintance. Any time you talk to them, which isn't that often, things are cordial enough. However, you aren't really interested in getting to know them any better than this, as they mightn't really be your type. You're perfectly happy to keep it at arms' length. Note that, after a long time knowing this person, they stay a C2 attitudinally, but are referred to by yourself as your "friend". This isn't the same as being promoted to a B, though.
C3 - Bad acquaintance. You may actively dislike this person, being forced to deal with them simply due to the fact that you have a mutual friend or they hang around with the same gang as you. Or they may be an unwanted friending, like on Facebook, or someone you know from the office who likes you a lot more than you like them. You would prefer not to know this person. Conversations are awkward because of the "liking" asymmetry described above, or because both of you don't particularly like each other. Circumstances force you to converse sometimes against your will.
The D's are an easy one. You don't know these people, but recognise their face.
D - These are people you know to see, but haven't ever spoken to. A common place to encounter people like this is in your neighbourhood, and in your office. Or they might work in a local shop. You just work or live near them, so there's no particular reason to get to know them. In the case of workplaces, D's that you speak to end up either as C2s or C3s. It is comparatively rare for them to progress beyond this however, due to the mental separation that most people have between work and play. I mean, your workmates aren't your *real* friends, are they?
As far as numbers go, I estimated* that the number of each of these I have probably run as follows:
A1 : 5
A2 : 10
B : 15
C1 : 7 **
C2 : 50+
C3 : 5 ***
D : Hundreds
* I used the guest list from my 30th birthday party as source data :P
** This number is low because most of these people are in the process of getting upgrades to B's.
*** This number is low because I generally actively avoid people like this and exclude them from my life. So they don't even register most of the time. The number consists of people that fall into this category that I *haven't* managed to shake off :)
Mobility: Over the years, many people I know have migrated up and down these ranks. I grow closer to some people and they might get upgraded from a B to an A, or a C1 to a B. However, D's and C3s never get upgraded, and C2s would be unlikely candidates. Equally, some people drop down the ranks, as I fall out of contact. This rarely would be due to animosity, as I'm not a fighter, but usually just due to people moving in different circles.
Take *that*, Facefuck.
A - Really good friend. You'd go for a drink with them, possibly alone.
B - You like this person and have shared lots of moments. However, they're part of your gang and you don't contact them specifically.
C - Acquaintances. You don't know them too well and may not even like them much.
D - These are people you know to see, but have never spoken to.
Some categories needed to be subdivided. Like, there are definitely shades of closeness in category A. There are people who I really like and love hanging around with, but in a crisis, I wouldn't ring them - I'd have other buddies who fit that category. So 'A' should be divided in two as follows:
A1 - BFF. You often have long phone chats with this person. You can go for long periods without contact with them and it isn't weird - the next time you meet, it's as if you'd never been apart. When something major happens in your life, you're on the phone/email to them right off the bat. You'd go for a drink with this person alone.
A2 - Really good friend. You meet people like this in very small groups or alone sometimes. Many of your major life events may have involved this person in some way, though they may not be an intimate confidante.
However, it's mentally exhausting to have too many A's, so in a group of friends most of them will be B's.
B - You may have had many interesting conversations with this person. You like them and have shared lots of moments. However, they're never quite close enough to you to actually contact specifically. When meeting them, it's always as part of a crowd.
B's are almost certainly mentally ranked into a few levels in most people's minds, but I can't fathom how to express this more clearly other than saying that there's some ranking in there. Visualise the B's all receiving a score from 1-10.
The acquaintances, the C's, are a tougher one. Since acquaintances are by definition not your friends (merely people you know), you may not actually like all of them. You met many of them through mutual friends and they may not be to your taste. Or you may have superficial things in common, but not enough for things to progress up to B level.
I divided the C's into three:
C1 - You like this acquaintance and have had some conversations. There isn't any particular reason why they aren't closer to you, it may just be because of circumstances. The mutual friend you met them through may simply be someone you don't move in the same circles as anymore. This person could easily get upgraded to a B. You may refer to them as your friend when in conversation with others.
C2 - Nice acquaintance. Any time you talk to them, which isn't that often, things are cordial enough. However, you aren't really interested in getting to know them any better than this, as they mightn't really be your type. You're perfectly happy to keep it at arms' length. Note that, after a long time knowing this person, they stay a C2 attitudinally, but are referred to by yourself as your "friend". This isn't the same as being promoted to a B, though.
C3 - Bad acquaintance. You may actively dislike this person, being forced to deal with them simply due to the fact that you have a mutual friend or they hang around with the same gang as you. Or they may be an unwanted friending, like on Facebook, or someone you know from the office who likes you a lot more than you like them. You would prefer not to know this person. Conversations are awkward because of the "liking" asymmetry described above, or because both of you don't particularly like each other. Circumstances force you to converse sometimes against your will.
The D's are an easy one. You don't know these people, but recognise their face.
D - These are people you know to see, but haven't ever spoken to. A common place to encounter people like this is in your neighbourhood, and in your office. Or they might work in a local shop. You just work or live near them, so there's no particular reason to get to know them. In the case of workplaces, D's that you speak to end up either as C2s or C3s. It is comparatively rare for them to progress beyond this however, due to the mental separation that most people have between work and play. I mean, your workmates aren't your *real* friends, are they?
As far as numbers go, I estimated* that the number of each of these I have probably run as follows:
A1 : 5
A2 : 10
B : 15
C1 : 7 **
C2 : 50+
C3 : 5 ***
D : Hundreds
* I used the guest list from my 30th birthday party as source data :P
** This number is low because most of these people are in the process of getting upgrades to B's.
*** This number is low because I generally actively avoid people like this and exclude them from my life. So they don't even register most of the time. The number consists of people that fall into this category that I *haven't* managed to shake off :)
Mobility: Over the years, many people I know have migrated up and down these ranks. I grow closer to some people and they might get upgraded from a B to an A, or a C1 to a B. However, D's and C3s never get upgraded, and C2s would be unlikely candidates. Equally, some people drop down the ranks, as I fall out of contact. This rarely would be due to animosity, as I'm not a fighter, but usually just due to people moving in different circles.
Take *that*, Facefuck.