A question
Have you ever loved someone so much, so much that you want to vomit?
You don't miss the orgasms and you don't miss the food and you don't miss the alcohol but you miss the person that you were close to. I miss that. My favorite memory is when we layed down together, naked, just holding each other and kissing and talking. In the dark, we were both sweaty and kissing, weeping, the both of us talking about putting ourselves back together through lovemaking (you have to know the Hedwig song for this). I miss that night. Whenever I think of him, I relive that night in my head over and over and over again. God, I love him so much. I am so afraid that if I told him my fantasies about me and him, he'd get freaked out and go away. I can't help myself; I'm only human. But I still love him. This is my curse. Love. Motherfucking love. Help me God, I'm in love. And it's real this time. Not that shitty puppy love, but it's been months since I've seen him, and I still talk to him, but I miss him. If I had a piece of his clothing, I'd lay down with it at night because it smelled like him... I sound wierd, but I am in love this time.
Last night I coughed so hard that I pissed myself. The other morning, I took benadryl for my stuffy nose and started hallucinating. Scary. And all I can think about laying down in my bed freaking out was how much I missed him. And I started crying. Not for me, not for him, but for us. I want to hold him like that again. I want to be like that again, but I wonder if it will ever happen. I'm in love, dammit, and I fucking hate it. I don't hate it because of him, I hate it because it is something that I cannot control. And I hate it. But I still love him.
You don't miss the orgasms and you don't miss the food and you don't miss the alcohol but you miss the person that you were close to. I miss that. My favorite memory is when we layed down together, naked, just holding each other and kissing and talking. In the dark, we were both sweaty and kissing, weeping, the both of us talking about putting ourselves back together through lovemaking (you have to know the Hedwig song for this). I miss that night. Whenever I think of him, I relive that night in my head over and over and over again. God, I love him so much. I am so afraid that if I told him my fantasies about me and him, he'd get freaked out and go away. I can't help myself; I'm only human. But I still love him. This is my curse. Love. Motherfucking love. Help me God, I'm in love. And it's real this time. Not that shitty puppy love, but it's been months since I've seen him, and I still talk to him, but I miss him. If I had a piece of his clothing, I'd lay down with it at night because it smelled like him... I sound wierd, but I am in love this time.
Last night I coughed so hard that I pissed myself. The other morning, I took benadryl for my stuffy nose and started hallucinating. Scary. And all I can think about laying down in my bed freaking out was how much I missed him. And I started crying. Not for me, not for him, but for us. I want to hold him like that again. I want to be like that again, but I wonder if it will ever happen. I'm in love, dammit, and I fucking hate it. I don't hate it because of him, I hate it because it is something that I cannot control. And I hate it. But I still love him.