Welcome to a place where nightmares are the best part of my day
Every time I want to post something happy, my mother does something that just makes me feel sick to my stomach. As a person, I really don't like her. I just... pity her. I want to help her, but she doesn't want help. She wants to wallow in her self-pity and take everyone else down with her. I just wish I was better at distancing myself from her. It might be easier if she didn't raise me pretty much on her own as a single mother. My father was involved, but we lived with her. Even when I 'hate' her, I still want to automatically take her side. I just don't think she's strong enough to take care of herself. That's one of the reasons I'm still staying here. And I swear, I wouldn't even mind if she just didn't have anger and alcohol problems. But I still stay. Granted I don't think I can really afford to move out right now, but still... I'm just as pathetic as she is.
I think one of my top priorities should be getting my driver's license. That way I can maybe get a cheap-ass car and just know that I have some freedom and I'm not just stuck here. Well, that and my own place. Even if I stay at my dad's, I can't really 'move' there and what about all my stuff? In a fit of rage, my mother is very likely to throw all my shit out.
It's pretty sad when you wish you drank just so your mother could get a taste of what it would be like. But I've seen what can happen when the wrong person drinks and with me being the way I am, it would probably just make me feel worse.
Ugh. I hate how it seems like all I do lately is complain, especially about her.
I went to the doctor today. My stomach's been acting up and I just wanted to make sure everything is alright. It's probably my diet, but I have some pills and I'm going back in 2 weeks.
ANYWAY. There are many things making me happy right now. Mostly fandom-related, but I'll take what I can get.
Toma's been promoting the hell out of his new movie so he's appearing all over the place. Too quickly for the subbers to keep up, so I'm watching most of it raw. Which is interesting, lol. It's alright. I love his voice. I'd be happy listening to him read the phone book. Wouldn't understand a damn thing, but I'd have that shit on repeat. I'm not sure where I was originally going with this, so I'll move on. Though I must say, GODDAMMIT I WISH I WAS IN JAPAN RIGHT NOW! I don't know how long I'll have to wait to see his movie *pouts*
Ummm... in other news. I might be falling for Ryan Gosling all over again. Well, kind of. It feels more mature than before, LOL. I first crushed on him back in Breaker High. No, wait. Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark? were the first things I saw him in. Either way, he played a dork. Then he went all 'serious independent actor' and was nominated for an Oscar. He was finally free to be his weird-ass self. Oh, and then he was in The Notebook and suddenly everyone loved him. The point I'm getting to is that I knew he was a semi-musician, but I didn't know he was actually in a band that released a CD back in October. Their name is 'Dead Man's Bones' and they have songs such as "My Body is a Zombie for You" and "Flowers Grow Out of My Grave."
Dead Man's Bones
I think one of my top priorities should be getting my driver's license. That way I can maybe get a cheap-ass car and just know that I have some freedom and I'm not just stuck here. Well, that and my own place. Even if I stay at my dad's, I can't really 'move' there and what about all my stuff? In a fit of rage, my mother is very likely to throw all my shit out.
It's pretty sad when you wish you drank just so your mother could get a taste of what it would be like. But I've seen what can happen when the wrong person drinks and with me being the way I am, it would probably just make me feel worse.
Ugh. I hate how it seems like all I do lately is complain, especially about her.
I went to the doctor today. My stomach's been acting up and I just wanted to make sure everything is alright. It's probably my diet, but I have some pills and I'm going back in 2 weeks.
ANYWAY. There are many things making me happy right now. Mostly fandom-related, but I'll take what I can get.
Toma's been promoting the hell out of his new movie so he's appearing all over the place. Too quickly for the subbers to keep up, so I'm watching most of it raw. Which is interesting, lol. It's alright. I love his voice. I'd be happy listening to him read the phone book. Wouldn't understand a damn thing, but I'd have that shit on repeat. I'm not sure where I was originally going with this, so I'll move on. Though I must say, GODDAMMIT I WISH I WAS IN JAPAN RIGHT NOW! I don't know how long I'll have to wait to see his movie *pouts*
Ummm... in other news. I might be falling for Ryan Gosling all over again. Well, kind of. It feels more mature than before, LOL. I first crushed on him back in Breaker High. No, wait. Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark? were the first things I saw him in. Either way, he played a dork. Then he went all 'serious independent actor' and was nominated for an Oscar. He was finally free to be his weird-ass self. Oh, and then he was in The Notebook and suddenly everyone loved him. The point I'm getting to is that I knew he was a semi-musician, but I didn't know he was actually in a band that released a CD back in October. Their name is 'Dead Man's Bones' and they have songs such as "My Body is a Zombie for You" and "Flowers Grow Out of My Grave."
Dead Man's Bones
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