You are right, the beginning is purple prose, but I like it pretty like that, very DNA-ish too ("The Universe is big." Reminds me of that for some reason.)
It did get a bit wordy and weird at the end, but it's still okay because I know it was mashed out in a hurry.
I love that I am not the only one who thinks more advanced life forms would use telepathy instead of language. I love the way you described that, too.
What I don't understand is, why is he curling himself into a ball and bracing himself if his ship is so strong only a superdiamond substance can cut it, and it's all padded?
What I don't understand is, why is he curling himself into a ball and bracing himself if his ship is so strong only a superdiamond substance can cut it, and it's all padded?
Ah...damn, that's a good question. I suppose the padding and the strong skin are really only to ensure that the creature inside won't get killed, but there's still going to be a lot of disorientation and bouncing around when the ship lands. I still have a lot of contradictions in some of my ideas...this is the problem with speedwriting, you don't really get to go back and fix your mistakes.
Maybe a regression to the fetal pose helps get him in the right mindset for telepathy (since the fetus contained in the womb is like the creature in the ship: provided for, protected from the harsh environs)?
This is GREAT. It's got a very verbose, Golden-Age feel to it and lots of nice touches. I particularly like the juxtapostion between the very Rachel-esque thought of how hard it must be to communicate when everyone has a slightly different mental picture for a word followed up by the hilariously practical putting of telepathy lessons on his to-do list.
The prose in this is dense and very obviously sci-fi, with occasional dips into shades of purple. It was a little off-putting to begin with, but then I started to see the world you were writing, I forgot I was reading words, so I guess the language worked pretty well after all. *g*
Oddly enough, I can also picture George writing in this style, with this kind of imagination. *g* Moving on to chapter 1...
Comments 6
It did get a bit wordy and weird at the end, but it's still okay because I know it was mashed out in a hurry.
I love that I am not the only one who thinks more advanced life forms would use telepathy instead of language. I love the way you described that, too.
What I don't understand is, why is he curling himself into a ball and bracing himself if his ship is so strong only a superdiamond substance can cut it, and it's all padded?
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Ah...damn, that's a good question. I suppose the padding and the strong skin are really only to ensure that the creature inside won't get killed, but there's still going to be a lot of disorientation and bouncing around when the ship lands. I still have a lot of contradictions in some of my ideas...this is the problem with speedwriting, you don't really get to go back and fix your mistakes.
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The prose in this is dense and very obviously sci-fi, with occasional dips into shades of purple. It was a little off-putting to begin with, but then I started to see the world you were writing, I forgot I was reading words, so I guess the language worked pretty well after all. *g*
Oddly enough, I can also picture George writing in this style, with this kind of imagination. *g* Moving on to chapter 1...
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