no, nothings wrong.. im fine..

[spacemanspiff56]

I dont even know why I want it..or expect to find it.  Every day it becomes more and more apparent...completely reinforced..like me fighting a fucking tank. And I always just let it go..with an "oh..k" or "no im fine really, its fine".  But everyone is always going to expect me to be nice...use me..be rude and or mean to me..and then get all worked up when I actually do point out that im sad or hurt or angry. No one is ever going to take care of me..and I dont know why that is such a big thing for me..."people" point out its because I always have had to look out for myself..and take care of others. I am always going to be overlooked...always. I am always going to be in the middle of things...I am never going to be the most important...unless I just stop. What if I just wasnt nice anymore...wasnt letting shit slide constantly..wasnt ignored or walked all over or any of this bullshit..what if I was selfish and only did what I felt like...well then I wouldnt really even be me..and plus I would be an asshole...but then at least I would fucking fit in!

selfish jealous bitch...call me what you want..you wont be the first.

"emotional fuckwittage"....new fav. saying

did have first ever real massage today..was lovely