Nov 17, 2004 18:08
Blah, I haven't updated forever and I have to pee!!
Yes, anyways. I'm all blah.. I felt all special and slutty today, it was totally awesome. But the sad thing is, I hate it. I hate everything right now, I can't even begin to tell you. There's nothing that could keep me in this town much longer, not even love. Hell, I don't know what the fuck love means. Everythings just so fucked over, I can't make any decision by myself anymore, I have about 5 other people influencing me. One wrong turn and BAM I'm fucked. Fuckity fuck fuck fuckin. Yes. Thats right. I miss the summer so bad. Everything was completely perfect. It was amazing, I really took it for granted, I miss everyone, I miss J.D., I miss the parties, I miss hangin out with Roxy, Chandra, and Haley every day, I miss sitting in J.D.'s room talking about the stupidest things. I miss going down to St. Pete's and talking about Ben and Buddy, I miss cigarette breaks with Sara, I miss being able to have the house to myself all day. I miss Alex, and Bryan. I miss walking around town aimlesly. I miss freedom. I miss being surronded with people who love me.
Now being surronded makes me feel like I'm in prison, I just want to be alone, and that is so not like me. I need my friends to survive, but right now it seems like if I stay with my friends I won't be able too. It's crazy how you can be so close to a person one minute and completely hate them the next. It's not even funny. It's absoulutly insane, and it gives me a headache. Damnit if only last summer would have lasted forever.... I have so many good memories. It seems like I've really fucked up this time. I know things will get bettter in the end, but I don't feel like helping it get better. I just want to give up. But I can't because I want it all back.