I love September and other random thoughts
I have been feeling better the past couple days than well, probably all summer. I had one of those moments. The moment that I had been waiting for, to just realize where and what I need to do. To feel empowered and in control. It feels good, especially so that it came from myself and not from anyone else. Its like I finally came up for air after being underwater a whole long time. I have learned a lot in the last week. Some things that I think I may have already known all along, but I guess now I know for sure. Its been fucking bumpy, lets just say that!
I have to mention that spittingblack and I have spent some great time together just hanging out and acting like our stoopid selves. No matter how shitty I felt he still found a way for us to have fun and made feel better when I thought it wasn't possible. Thanks.
....
I am going to graduate this year. I am looking at grad schools. The prospect of leaving Portland has become a little more enticing as I look at my options. But don't get any ideas, even I don't know what the future holds. I am excited again though. Big changes are coming up; changes that need to happen. I am ready to go to the next chapter already. I have been changing my mind almost daily on what option to choose. School is so expensive and I only think I will be doing this once so I want to choose the right thing. I don't want to show up at grad school and say "why the fuck am I here again?"
.....
I spent today so far cleaning and making soap (not for crafty reasons we are just actually out). Listening to Sonic Youth and thinking about what to do next. I can do anything I want tonight. Its just me and my bike. I don't think I will leave with a plan and I have a few dollars in my pocket. We found a way to put off rent just a bit so I actually can do something with myself. Oh, and I found $46 check I had forgot about. I am on top of the world. It takes work to stay balanced here but I will fucking damned if anyone comes and shits on my picnic.
So neigh sayers get lost. I am going to go have fun.
There's gonna be some trouble
A whole house will need re-building
And everyone I love in the house
Will recline on an analyst's couch quite
Soon
Your Father cracks a joke
And in the usual way
Empties the room
Tell all of my friends
(I don't have too many
Just some rain-coated lovers' puny brothers)
Dallow, Spicer, Pinkie, Cubitt
Rush to danger
Wind up nowhere
Patric Doonan - raised to wait
I'm tired again, I've tried again, and
Now my heart is full
Now my heart is full
And I just can't explain
So I won't even try to
Tomorrow's Menu
off Seattle to see my Puget Sound honies!
I have to mention that spittingblack and I have spent some great time together just hanging out and acting like our stoopid selves. No matter how shitty I felt he still found a way for us to have fun and made feel better when I thought it wasn't possible. Thanks.
....
I am going to graduate this year. I am looking at grad schools. The prospect of leaving Portland has become a little more enticing as I look at my options. But don't get any ideas, even I don't know what the future holds. I am excited again though. Big changes are coming up; changes that need to happen. I am ready to go to the next chapter already. I have been changing my mind almost daily on what option to choose. School is so expensive and I only think I will be doing this once so I want to choose the right thing. I don't want to show up at grad school and say "why the fuck am I here again?"
.....
I spent today so far cleaning and making soap (not for crafty reasons we are just actually out). Listening to Sonic Youth and thinking about what to do next. I can do anything I want tonight. Its just me and my bike. I don't think I will leave with a plan and I have a few dollars in my pocket. We found a way to put off rent just a bit so I actually can do something with myself. Oh, and I found $46 check I had forgot about. I am on top of the world. It takes work to stay balanced here but I will fucking damned if anyone comes and shits on my picnic.
So neigh sayers get lost. I am going to go have fun.
There's gonna be some trouble
A whole house will need re-building
And everyone I love in the house
Will recline on an analyst's couch quite
Soon
Your Father cracks a joke
And in the usual way
Empties the room
Tell all of my friends
(I don't have too many
Just some rain-coated lovers' puny brothers)
Dallow, Spicer, Pinkie, Cubitt
Rush to danger
Wind up nowhere
Patric Doonan - raised to wait
I'm tired again, I've tried again, and
Now my heart is full
Now my heart is full
And I just can't explain
So I won't even try to
Tomorrow's Menu
off Seattle to see my Puget Sound honies!