(no subject)
I've recently gotten a crush on Devon Soltendieck, a VJ on Much Music...god, I'm pathetic. Yeah, he's more obtainable than Ron Weasely, considering Devon's not a fictional character, but what am I doing getting crushes on unobtainable guys who'll never go for me, who I'll never meet, ecspecially when I have a decent boyfriend?
Well...I could end up meeting Devon. He is from Toronto, after all. Still, I'm just a flabby 23 year old dork who gets crushes on 16 year old fictional wizards who are already 'belonging' to fictional witches.
I got this email of peoples sexual horoscopes, so I'm going to post some.
Devon's:
TAURUS
April 21 - May 21
Ruling Planet: VENUS
The Goddess in charge of love, beauty and sex
Taureans are ahead of the game when it comes to love coz they are ruled by VENUS, the planet of Love! Taurus has all the qualities a lover desires, including sensuality, loyalty and
faithfulness.When a typical Taurus makes love, it's the most physical and natural pleasure in the world. They believe the romantic approach to sex almost always pays off so they will happily cook dinner, buy flowers, and light candles for someone they wanna bang. They don't like to rush things and take everything, including sex, slowly.
FAVE POSITION
The one Taurus enjoys most is the Missionary. Some may say this is so unadventurous, but Taurus is very practical and this is the most comfortable.
BEST SEX TOY
A battery powered "erotic massager"
TAURUS MALE IN BED
The Taurean man needs a woman who will want to stay home to eat and make love. He can be stubborn and is known to sulk like a little boy, but he LOVES making up!! (Rrrrow!) He likes to take things slow and gently and can last for hours, always waiting for HER to finish before rolling over to sleep.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON TAURUS
There's nothing Taurus enjoys more than having their neck kissed and their earlobes nibbled.Light, feathery caresses up and down the neck followed by gentle licks, no biting, will make a female writhe with delight and a male stand at attention within seconds.
Wes's:
GEMINI
May 22 - June 21
Ruling Planet: MERCURY
The swiftest God in the skies, who also happens to be in charge of ultra-extreme raunchy talk
Talking about sex is Gemini's favourite hobby and doing it comes a close second. Gemini's love flirting and lap up attention from the opposite sex, but sometimes that's all they're looking for. They need a lot of variety when it comes to sex - dirty weekends away, a quickie in a shop doorway,
serious groping under the table at a fancy restaurant. A lot of Gemini's are bisexual too and can often be drawn to those
of the same sex.
FAVE POSITION
As long as it's different every time, they're not fussy, but if
they must choose, it's that naughty number right after 68, since they can come up for air if they need to.
BEST SEX TOY
Any illustrated book about kinky sex, so Gemini can pick up some wild new ideas
GEMINI MALE IN BED
He likes to give AND receive and can be quite inventive. He's a ton of fun and very, very, very pleasing. Very. If you make a few subtle noises and talk a wee bit dirty, he'll be very happy.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON GEMINI
Focus on the shoulders, arms and legs of a Gemini and you're headed for the good books. They love a good massage and their hands are so sensitive that even having their fingernails played with sends shivers up their spine! Kiss up and down each of your Gemini's arms, sneak in a few licks, nips and nibbles. If you get one or two yelps, then you know you're doing something right.then, move onto the fingers, slowly kiss, lick, nip and nibble each fingertip, then pull out the killer move - suck on each finger, slowly, as if it's a lollipop. I'll almost offer a money back guarantee on this one working!
Shawn's:
LEO
July 24 - August 23
Ruling Planet: THE SUN Which isn't a planet at all, but a star, and just like Leo's opinion of themselves, it's the centre of our solar system!
Leos can be very 'into themselves' when they bonk. It's not that they don't make their partner feel special, it's just that they often forget about them as they secretly high-five themselves for scoring again! Leo does actually want more from a partner than just sex though. Leo wants love and friendship too. They can be very romantic, but when
they get into bed, it's not an experience they're about to have, it's a show! They like to perform... and they take requests! "Doing it" is the ultimate stress buster for Leo and they are pretty damn good at it, but they need constant praise for their outstanding performance.
FAVE POSITION
Receiving 'oral affections', since Leo is all about getting serviced! A Leo male also loves to catch a girl playing with her own little kitty.
BEST SEX TOY
A camera, or a game of Strip Poker will get the cat purring or perhaps you can use them both together! A Leo male will be quite happy to find a pair of female scented panties in unexpected and suggestive places.
LEO MALE IN BED
The King of the Jungle and expects to be treated that way! He's a good lover because he doesn't like to fail at anything. He's sexy and has an aura of sexiness that is difficult to deny. But, he will let anyone adore him, so his partner has to make the effort or he will pad off to the next Lioness!! The fastest way to turn him off is to be unresponsive and quiet. The louder and wilder you are, the more he likes it-in turn giving you better pleasure.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LEO
A Leo's 'moan zone' is his or her back. First of all, ask your Leo to roll onto his/her tummy. Start with a gentle scratch that runs from the top of the ass to the base of the skull. I'm not talking about tender tickles or a tantalizing tease - I mean a REAL back scratch, coz if there's one thing cats love, it's a scratch! After a minute or so, get out the massage oil and spill it into a snakey pattern on Leo's back. Then rub all over. Keep doing this until you know Leo is ready to roll over. If they start falling asleep, give them a gentle prod in a delicate place! Once Leo is ready to roll over, don't let them! Leo will be excited by your control. YOU decide when it's time to 'flip your feline' over and get into the good stuff!
Zac and Jesse's:
LIBRA
September 24 - Zactober 23
Ruling Planet: Venus - The planet in charge of beauty, love
peace,
and stirring sensuality
Libra is one of the sexiest signs in the zodiac [Yes, he is! Rawr!], but if Libra can't get what they want from one lover, they will opt for two! They are notorious for having double standards in that situation too. They'll look you in the eye and say "never cheat on me, coz I would never do it to you", even when they have a hot night of passion planned with someone else! Librans are more turned on 'giving' than 'receiving'. They have a big heart and are the least selfish sign of the Zodiac. Libras are not very open about their thoughts or fantasies. They'd rather say nothing than tell the truth and offend or embarrass you. In bed, it takes a while for them to be comfortable enough to tell you exactly what they want. [Then how the fuck do they expect to"get what they want" as the opening statement suggests?]
FAVE POSITION
As long as they are lying down, they're happy!
BEST SEX TOY
K.Y. Jelly. I will say no more!
LIBRA MALE IN BED
The Libra man sees sex as an exciting adventure and he'd be very keen to do it in kinky places like a restaurant toilet! [Isn't that more of a dirtyplace?] He likes being a bad boy if there's a chance he might get caught. He'll try out any fantasy you have, but whether or not you can keep a tight hold on his heart remains to be seen. However, he can be a bit of a pushover [bo-ring!], and is perfect husband material, and he'd prefer his lover to take the lead. He is romantic and considerate, but he may suffer from Premature Ejaculation! He's an awesome kisser, mind you.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LIBRA
Libra's Love Zone is their lower back and butt, so please, squeeze and pat your Libra's butt whenever you get a chance. When you're kissing, reach under his or her top and stroke the lower part of their back, starting in the middle and working your way down to their butt. Take your time and be gentle! To really drive your Libra wild? Have you ever heard of the term 'Rimming'??? Does it surprise you that a high percentage of Libras are gay? [Bullshit! The Libraguy I know would kick my ass if I ever suggested for his girl try rimming him...and he is so not gay!]
and last, but not least, meeee!:
SAGITTARIUS
November 23 - December 22
Ruling Planet: JUPITER, God ofmoney, luck and good times between the sheets.
Saggies (rhymes with badge-eez) are playful, laid back and oh-so fun to party with. They are wild, and may be the BADDEST party people you ever meet! [Fuck you, I'd rather read a book] One thing to be wary of is that Saggies tend to exaggerate the truth. Saggies probably make better friends thanlovers, but if you happen to score a one-nighter with them, be prepared to do stuff you've NEVER done before! [uh-not with this one, thanks!] Saggies are spontaneous and adventurous and most have probably been caught doing it somewhere public. [okay, well I was never caught...in public places...] When they find the right lover, they will give it 100% as long as the commitment is returned.
FAVE POSITION:
They are up for [almost] anything [with the right person]. Quality AND Quantity.
BEST SEX TOY:
Handwrite a sexual fantasy of yours and leave it on their pillow. You'll be surprised at what happens next!
SAGITTARIAN FEMALE IN BED
The Sago woman is a handful! She changes her mind almost as often than she shaves her love box, is blunt, oversensitive and takes offense at the strangest things. [Yeah! Like I'm not a partier, asshole!] She's adventurous in the bedroom [if I'm with the right guy] and also has no problems cheating if her needs are not fulfilled. [Not anymore. I'd end it before Icheated.] But can you handle her open-minded sexuality? She will hide her emotions from you, but don't make the mistake of hiding yours from her. She's looking for someone she can trust 100%, but is quite hypocritical and hates hypocrites.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SAGITTARIUS
Hips and thighs are extremely sensual for a Sago, so concentrate on massaging and stroking that area and the place in between! Don't be afraid to ask your Sago if you're doing it right coz they would LOVE to tell you! The best way to get them going is to grope their inner thigh in a public place! [Actually amazing kisses work quite well, too]
Well...I could end up meeting Devon. He is from Toronto, after all. Still, I'm just a flabby 23 year old dork who gets crushes on 16 year old fictional wizards who are already 'belonging' to fictional witches.
I got this email of peoples sexual horoscopes, so I'm going to post some.
Devon's:
TAURUS
April 21 - May 21
Ruling Planet: VENUS
The Goddess in charge of love, beauty and sex
Taureans are ahead of the game when it comes to love coz they are ruled by VENUS, the planet of Love! Taurus has all the qualities a lover desires, including sensuality, loyalty and
faithfulness.When a typical Taurus makes love, it's the most physical and natural pleasure in the world. They believe the romantic approach to sex almost always pays off so they will happily cook dinner, buy flowers, and light candles for someone they wanna bang. They don't like to rush things and take everything, including sex, slowly.
FAVE POSITION
The one Taurus enjoys most is the Missionary. Some may say this is so unadventurous, but Taurus is very practical and this is the most comfortable.
BEST SEX TOY
A battery powered "erotic massager"
TAURUS MALE IN BED
The Taurean man needs a woman who will want to stay home to eat and make love. He can be stubborn and is known to sulk like a little boy, but he LOVES making up!! (Rrrrow!) He likes to take things slow and gently and can last for hours, always waiting for HER to finish before rolling over to sleep.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON TAURUS
There's nothing Taurus enjoys more than having their neck kissed and their earlobes nibbled.Light, feathery caresses up and down the neck followed by gentle licks, no biting, will make a female writhe with delight and a male stand at attention within seconds.
Wes's:
GEMINI
May 22 - June 21
Ruling Planet: MERCURY
The swiftest God in the skies, who also happens to be in charge of ultra-extreme raunchy talk
Talking about sex is Gemini's favourite hobby and doing it comes a close second. Gemini's love flirting and lap up attention from the opposite sex, but sometimes that's all they're looking for. They need a lot of variety when it comes to sex - dirty weekends away, a quickie in a shop doorway,
serious groping under the table at a fancy restaurant. A lot of Gemini's are bisexual too and can often be drawn to those
of the same sex.
FAVE POSITION
As long as it's different every time, they're not fussy, but if
they must choose, it's that naughty number right after 68, since they can come up for air if they need to.
BEST SEX TOY
Any illustrated book about kinky sex, so Gemini can pick up some wild new ideas
GEMINI MALE IN BED
He likes to give AND receive and can be quite inventive. He's a ton of fun and very, very, very pleasing. Very. If you make a few subtle noises and talk a wee bit dirty, he'll be very happy.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON GEMINI
Focus on the shoulders, arms and legs of a Gemini and you're headed for the good books. They love a good massage and their hands are so sensitive that even having their fingernails played with sends shivers up their spine! Kiss up and down each of your Gemini's arms, sneak in a few licks, nips and nibbles. If you get one or two yelps, then you know you're doing something right.then, move onto the fingers, slowly kiss, lick, nip and nibble each fingertip, then pull out the killer move - suck on each finger, slowly, as if it's a lollipop. I'll almost offer a money back guarantee on this one working!
Shawn's:
LEO
July 24 - August 23
Ruling Planet: THE SUN Which isn't a planet at all, but a star, and just like Leo's opinion of themselves, it's the centre of our solar system!
Leos can be very 'into themselves' when they bonk. It's not that they don't make their partner feel special, it's just that they often forget about them as they secretly high-five themselves for scoring again! Leo does actually want more from a partner than just sex though. Leo wants love and friendship too. They can be very romantic, but when
they get into bed, it's not an experience they're about to have, it's a show! They like to perform... and they take requests! "Doing it" is the ultimate stress buster for Leo and they are pretty damn good at it, but they need constant praise for their outstanding performance.
FAVE POSITION
Receiving 'oral affections', since Leo is all about getting serviced! A Leo male also loves to catch a girl playing with her own little kitty.
BEST SEX TOY
A camera, or a game of Strip Poker will get the cat purring or perhaps you can use them both together! A Leo male will be quite happy to find a pair of female scented panties in unexpected and suggestive places.
LEO MALE IN BED
The King of the Jungle and expects to be treated that way! He's a good lover because he doesn't like to fail at anything. He's sexy and has an aura of sexiness that is difficult to deny. But, he will let anyone adore him, so his partner has to make the effort or he will pad off to the next Lioness!! The fastest way to turn him off is to be unresponsive and quiet. The louder and wilder you are, the more he likes it-in turn giving you better pleasure.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LEO
A Leo's 'moan zone' is his or her back. First of all, ask your Leo to roll onto his/her tummy. Start with a gentle scratch that runs from the top of the ass to the base of the skull. I'm not talking about tender tickles or a tantalizing tease - I mean a REAL back scratch, coz if there's one thing cats love, it's a scratch! After a minute or so, get out the massage oil and spill it into a snakey pattern on Leo's back. Then rub all over. Keep doing this until you know Leo is ready to roll over. If they start falling asleep, give them a gentle prod in a delicate place! Once Leo is ready to roll over, don't let them! Leo will be excited by your control. YOU decide when it's time to 'flip your feline' over and get into the good stuff!
Zac and Jesse's:
LIBRA
September 24 - Zactober 23
Ruling Planet: Venus - The planet in charge of beauty, love
peace,
and stirring sensuality
Libra is one of the sexiest signs in the zodiac [Yes, he is! Rawr!], but if Libra can't get what they want from one lover, they will opt for two! They are notorious for having double standards in that situation too. They'll look you in the eye and say "never cheat on me, coz I would never do it to you", even when they have a hot night of passion planned with someone else! Librans are more turned on 'giving' than 'receiving'. They have a big heart and are the least selfish sign of the Zodiac. Libras are not very open about their thoughts or fantasies. They'd rather say nothing than tell the truth and offend or embarrass you. In bed, it takes a while for them to be comfortable enough to tell you exactly what they want. [Then how the fuck do they expect to"get what they want" as the opening statement suggests?]
FAVE POSITION
As long as they are lying down, they're happy!
BEST SEX TOY
K.Y. Jelly. I will say no more!
LIBRA MALE IN BED
The Libra man sees sex as an exciting adventure and he'd be very keen to do it in kinky places like a restaurant toilet! [Isn't that more of a dirtyplace?] He likes being a bad boy if there's a chance he might get caught. He'll try out any fantasy you have, but whether or not you can keep a tight hold on his heart remains to be seen. However, he can be a bit of a pushover [bo-ring!], and is perfect husband material, and he'd prefer his lover to take the lead. He is romantic and considerate, but he may suffer from Premature Ejaculation! He's an awesome kisser, mind you.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LIBRA
Libra's Love Zone is their lower back and butt, so please, squeeze and pat your Libra's butt whenever you get a chance. When you're kissing, reach under his or her top and stroke the lower part of their back, starting in the middle and working your way down to their butt. Take your time and be gentle! To really drive your Libra wild? Have you ever heard of the term 'Rimming'??? Does it surprise you that a high percentage of Libras are gay? [Bullshit! The Libraguy I know would kick my ass if I ever suggested for his girl try rimming him...and he is so not gay!]
and last, but not least, meeee!:
SAGITTARIUS
November 23 - December 22
Ruling Planet: JUPITER, God ofmoney, luck and good times between the sheets.
Saggies (rhymes with badge-eez) are playful, laid back and oh-so fun to party with. They are wild, and may be the BADDEST party people you ever meet! [Fuck you, I'd rather read a book] One thing to be wary of is that Saggies tend to exaggerate the truth. Saggies probably make better friends thanlovers, but if you happen to score a one-nighter with them, be prepared to do stuff you've NEVER done before! [uh-not with this one, thanks!] Saggies are spontaneous and adventurous and most have probably been caught doing it somewhere public. [okay, well I was never caught...in public places...] When they find the right lover, they will give it 100% as long as the commitment is returned.
FAVE POSITION:
They are up for [almost] anything [with the right person]. Quality AND Quantity.
BEST SEX TOY:
Handwrite a sexual fantasy of yours and leave it on their pillow. You'll be surprised at what happens next!
SAGITTARIAN FEMALE IN BED
The Sago woman is a handful! She changes her mind almost as often than she shaves her love box, is blunt, oversensitive and takes offense at the strangest things. [Yeah! Like I'm not a partier, asshole!] She's adventurous in the bedroom [if I'm with the right guy] and also has no problems cheating if her needs are not fulfilled. [Not anymore. I'd end it before Icheated.] But can you handle her open-minded sexuality? She will hide her emotions from you, but don't make the mistake of hiding yours from her. She's looking for someone she can trust 100%, but is quite hypocritical and hates hypocrites.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SAGITTARIUS
Hips and thighs are extremely sensual for a Sago, so concentrate on massaging and stroking that area and the place in between! Don't be afraid to ask your Sago if you're doing it right coz they would LOVE to tell you! The best way to get them going is to grope their inner thigh in a public place! [Actually amazing kisses work quite well, too]