Drowning, drowning, drowning
Drowning, drowning, drowning slowly down. Attempting to claw my way up, but just falling deeper down into dark abyss. No one to turn to, no one to understand. Putting on a fake smile to hide my self from the world. Continuing to drown. It's almost like the world has forgotten me and here I continue to drown screaming out for someone to save me. I just can't take it anymore. I cry enough tears to drown the state of Arizona. I hug my knees close and hug myself as I am now my best friend the only one who realizes I am slowly drowning. Everyday I put on the mask smile and almost convince myself I am happy. I come home and sit alone in my own thoughts not really sure what to do with myself. What do I do today? do I read? watch a movie? I know I will be doing all these things solo. Drowning further never feeling well, always feeling off kilter and strange. Keep fighting it, Emily. Keep fighting, fighting, fighting to survive. After all hasn't this been the theme of my life? always fighting to survive, always fighting to feel self worth, always fighting to belong to a world that has long forgotten me. Time to slowly become invisible. Here, but not here. When can I stop feeling like this? how do you share this with the world when you barely ever hear from anyone? how do you share this when you try and get shot down? I am not quite sure, all I know is this, this feeling always goes away. I eventually pull myself up, I eventually feel happy. Right now I don't, I feel sad. I have felt sad for weeks now. I wish this would go away, but I can't make something go away that is inside of me, so I just feel it, I just let it sit and fester. I can't make myself stop feeling, I can't make these feelings go away. All I can do is acknowledge and cry and feel the pain, pain demands to be felt, nothing I can do but sit in it and allow myself to drown until this goes away and I can move on.