(no subject)
Missed meds yesterday, no sleeping pills last night either. Got to sleep after sunup. Extremely vivid, beautiful dreams that felt infused with meaning. Woke up, dragged self out of bed and dressed barely in time to get to first appointment with Whitters since October. I think. Since the one where he gave me a number in case I wanted a second opinion, anyway. Was extremely dizzy the entire time and didn't feel like I should have been driving. Drove anyway, brought dog. Whitters asked me what I wanted my pills to do, I said I'd like to be awake for more than 11 hours out of the day and wouldn't mind going back on Ritalin. He said talk to the people at U of I because he wasn't going to prescribe me Ritalin, but would continue the prescription if they prescribed it. Drove home. Went to sleep. Was awakened by Mom (for the third time in the day) to say goodbye, because her mother probably had a stroke this morning and she is going to Kansas.
Shit.
She told me twice in the morning that this was what was happening. I registered that this was happening. I just didn't notice very hard because I was too busy dreaming about post-apocalyptic Batman and Robin battling shoggaths in Tokyo.
Still have not been able to absorb reality. Dizzy. Trapped in dream. Feeling creative for the first time in a long time, but far too unfocused to do anything about it.
Visited pharmacy to drop off prescription, including new one for Ambien since Title 19 doesn't cover Lunesta. Just as well, since of late Lunesta hasn't really been doing it for me.
Got sewing kit at Hy Vee. I asked the pharmacist if they had one there, mentioned that I was going to have to drive across town if I wanted one and they didn't have one there, and that I was feeling really dizzy and wasn't sure I should be driving, he said he thought they had one, then after getting my pills together on the counter, left the pharmacy without having to be asked and picked up the kit for me, which was really nice of him.Told him he didn't have to do that, I was just hoping to be pointed in the right direction, but he said it was no problem. I suspect it had something to do with the way I almost fell down several times while performing the strenuous physical activity of standing in front of the pharmacy counter for a few minutes.
I didn't get a headache at all, which is unusual for effexor withdrawal with me, but the dizzy spells were unusually bad this time around. Also at one point appeared to be paired with a spell of heart palpitations, which was kinda distressing.
Worked out horse-feeding schedule details with Mom and Susan and Carol-Eillers-in-absentia, spent the rest of the day sewing a new cover-binding thing for a sketchbook of mine which had been coming apart at the seams, out of ribbons and the sewing kit that the pharmacist fetched for me. Also, pacing around and thinking about fictional things, Skyrim horses and farmy-foody-stuff that could be done to make it look more like a functioning medievalish nation-state thingy, like, how maybe you should be able to see people carrying water up from the wells and rivers? Or just sitting and sewing, or rummaging in drawers asking where the salt is, or going "Mind that soup, girl, if you let that boil off it won't be fit for hog slop," (not that they appear to have hogs in Skyrim but you know what I mean) or arguing about who's supposed to fix that door hinge, or the neighbor's goddamn rooster that keeps on deciding that daybreak happens just past midnight, or getting in epic ridiculous arguments about the amount of alfalfa going into Allisande's hay, you know she founders if she so much as catches a whiff of da stuff, the farrier's not due round till Tirdas next and she'll not be fit ta ride for da whole season if Snorri keeps sneaking it in dere like that. You know, little, petty bullshit like that. Stuff people don't bother writing down because it's so absolutely mind numbing that it makes your soul die a little every time you hear it, but it's that kind of fiddly bullshit that makes a society go round and would make more sense to hear than someone announcing every time you walk past them that they work for Belethor at the General Goods Store or yousta be an adventurer like you till dey got an arrow in da knee.
I think that's what it is though, it's specifically BECAUSE people don't bother writing that kind of stuff down that it doesn't show up in the game. Ambient conversation is the sort of thing people don't put in books, because who wants to read fiction like that? It's boring as hell and not worth remembering unless you have to and it doesn't really advance the plot, and because you don't read much of the boring shit like that in books people forget that it's how the real world WORKS. Leave it out of a book, and you're conserving detail. Leave it out of a simulated pre-industrial walled village, and you get a jarring break in immersion.
But I think you have to have grown up on an actual farm to know about the kind of arguments people can get into over frikkin' dried grass.
And that was only one of the things I was thinking about. Others included the probable racial-economic structure of pre-Scratch Alternia (head-cannon says it likely made much itself as a True Meritocracy, but from there let people come to their own conclusions about the fundamental value of non-psionics & the psychically resistant, who would have ended up getting the shit end of the stick either way, and doubly so in the case of sea-dwellers who have to breathe in the runoff from everyone else's... everything;) and thinking about Gaze as expressed in comic books and displayed on the Escher Girls tumblr site and how it is so an actual thing, even if I am neurotic and it makes you feel bad when you think about it, so seriously, fuck that guy, I wasn't attacking him personally until he declared any and all things referencing Male Gaze to be neurotic bullshit; reason being, media exists that caters to the Female Gaze and therefore you are being a neurotic, hysterical woman if you aren't completely happy and contented with the fictional media offered to you by shoujo manga; remember, superhero comics just aren't FOR you! Unless they're Japanese. And intended for you. You should just stay out of comic book shops and video game stores if you're so hysterically neurotic as to dislike being constantly punched in the eyeballs with barely clothed tits and ass.
Also, post-apocalyptic deep-sea-horror-battling Tokyo Batman and Robin.
(Robin's superhero name was explained as being a code-name because the guy's first name was Christopher and he was a macho young whipper-snapper who needed taking down a peg.)
(I was Batman.)
(Batman's a guy.)
(Female superheros aren't really worth pretending to be because they all have to wear high heels and have their boobs filled with a lighter-than-air compound, after the procedure that removes most of their abdominal organs and breaks their spines.)
(In my dreams, I often don't get to be the hero and a woman at the same time.)
Shit.
She told me twice in the morning that this was what was happening. I registered that this was happening. I just didn't notice very hard because I was too busy dreaming about post-apocalyptic Batman and Robin battling shoggaths in Tokyo.
Still have not been able to absorb reality. Dizzy. Trapped in dream. Feeling creative for the first time in a long time, but far too unfocused to do anything about it.
Visited pharmacy to drop off prescription, including new one for Ambien since Title 19 doesn't cover Lunesta. Just as well, since of late Lunesta hasn't really been doing it for me.
Got sewing kit at Hy Vee. I asked the pharmacist if they had one there, mentioned that I was going to have to drive across town if I wanted one and they didn't have one there, and that I was feeling really dizzy and wasn't sure I should be driving, he said he thought they had one, then after getting my pills together on the counter, left the pharmacy without having to be asked and picked up the kit for me, which was really nice of him.Told him he didn't have to do that, I was just hoping to be pointed in the right direction, but he said it was no problem. I suspect it had something to do with the way I almost fell down several times while performing the strenuous physical activity of standing in front of the pharmacy counter for a few minutes.
I didn't get a headache at all, which is unusual for effexor withdrawal with me, but the dizzy spells were unusually bad this time around. Also at one point appeared to be paired with a spell of heart palpitations, which was kinda distressing.
Worked out horse-feeding schedule details with Mom and Susan and Carol-Eillers-in-absentia, spent the rest of the day sewing a new cover-binding thing for a sketchbook of mine which had been coming apart at the seams, out of ribbons and the sewing kit that the pharmacist fetched for me. Also, pacing around and thinking about fictional things, Skyrim horses and farmy-foody-stuff that could be done to make it look more like a functioning medievalish nation-state thingy, like, how maybe you should be able to see people carrying water up from the wells and rivers? Or just sitting and sewing, or rummaging in drawers asking where the salt is, or going "Mind that soup, girl, if you let that boil off it won't be fit for hog slop," (not that they appear to have hogs in Skyrim but you know what I mean) or arguing about who's supposed to fix that door hinge, or the neighbor's goddamn rooster that keeps on deciding that daybreak happens just past midnight, or getting in epic ridiculous arguments about the amount of alfalfa going into Allisande's hay, you know she founders if she so much as catches a whiff of da stuff, the farrier's not due round till Tirdas next and she'll not be fit ta ride for da whole season if Snorri keeps sneaking it in dere like that. You know, little, petty bullshit like that. Stuff people don't bother writing down because it's so absolutely mind numbing that it makes your soul die a little every time you hear it, but it's that kind of fiddly bullshit that makes a society go round and would make more sense to hear than someone announcing every time you walk past them that they work for Belethor at the General Goods Store or yousta be an adventurer like you till dey got an arrow in da knee.
I think that's what it is though, it's specifically BECAUSE people don't bother writing that kind of stuff down that it doesn't show up in the game. Ambient conversation is the sort of thing people don't put in books, because who wants to read fiction like that? It's boring as hell and not worth remembering unless you have to and it doesn't really advance the plot, and because you don't read much of the boring shit like that in books people forget that it's how the real world WORKS. Leave it out of a book, and you're conserving detail. Leave it out of a simulated pre-industrial walled village, and you get a jarring break in immersion.
But I think you have to have grown up on an actual farm to know about the kind of arguments people can get into over frikkin' dried grass.
And that was only one of the things I was thinking about. Others included the probable racial-economic structure of pre-Scratch Alternia (head-cannon says it likely made much itself as a True Meritocracy, but from there let people come to their own conclusions about the fundamental value of non-psionics & the psychically resistant, who would have ended up getting the shit end of the stick either way, and doubly so in the case of sea-dwellers who have to breathe in the runoff from everyone else's... everything;) and thinking about Gaze as expressed in comic books and displayed on the Escher Girls tumblr site and how it is so an actual thing, even if I am neurotic and it makes you feel bad when you think about it, so seriously, fuck that guy, I wasn't attacking him personally until he declared any and all things referencing Male Gaze to be neurotic bullshit; reason being, media exists that caters to the Female Gaze and therefore you are being a neurotic, hysterical woman if you aren't completely happy and contented with the fictional media offered to you by shoujo manga; remember, superhero comics just aren't FOR you! Unless they're Japanese. And intended for you. You should just stay out of comic book shops and video game stores if you're so hysterically neurotic as to dislike being constantly punched in the eyeballs with barely clothed tits and ass.
Also, post-apocalyptic deep-sea-horror-battling Tokyo Batman and Robin.
(Robin's superhero name was explained as being a code-name because the guy's first name was Christopher and he was a macho young whipper-snapper who needed taking down a peg.)
(I was Batman.)
(Batman's a guy.)
(Female superheros aren't really worth pretending to be because they all have to wear high heels and have their boobs filled with a lighter-than-air compound, after the procedure that removes most of their abdominal organs and breaks their spines.)
(In my dreams, I often don't get to be the hero and a woman at the same time.)