(no subject)
Im putting out an all points bulletin on fun, wtf happened?
I used to be fun. I really did. There was passion to get out.
I lived carefree and did whatever I felt like.
Then I started caring about....I don't know, I care about a lot of things now.
I was instructed in the finer points of learning to love education by Judie. I will keep that with me forever. My classes are plucking along in fine style and I feel smarter for it. I care about that, I feel that I am truly becoming someone I can enjoy. I also started caring about how I was treating people. I caught a very bad genetic thing from my family, this prickish attitude that is controlling and selfish and inexplicably angry. I thought I was keeping that side of me pretty well under wraps, but I see now that I have a lot of work to do. I care about that very much. The one other thing that I am going to mention on the laundry list of things to care about is my self image. I beat myself up for a lot of pointless and shallow stuff. I have done this for a very long time, as far back as me moving to Oklahoma. In a way, I don't think this part of me ever got past middle school. why would I do this? I have internalised what I think peoples reactions to me are by how people treated me when I was 12. Middle school kids are fucking mean! So, intrenched in me is this reflection of all these pricks that gave me shit for being fat, slow, quiet whathaveyou. Its time for that kid to grow up. I am coming to realize these things 11 years late, but in due time... I now know this about myself: On top of that shit attitude that I got from the lineage, I have also inhereted the signature Benjamin boy rakish good looks, a charming demeanor, and for the most part, the smarts to back the previous two qualities up.
Anyhow, back to fun, Tonight is a party of one. I have got some swill beer
, some menthols
, and a house to myself.
Now, I am watching fine living, and dancing and singing to a light hearted playlist on the pod.
Hopefully, Brian and Alexis won't burst in on me gallivanting all Ellen Degeneres across the house. I am not out and about, but I assure you all that I am having a good time. If you read this, mahalo. -----Marcus
I used to be fun. I really did. There was passion to get out.
I lived carefree and did whatever I felt like.
Then I started caring about....I don't know, I care about a lot of things now.
I was instructed in the finer points of learning to love education by Judie. I will keep that with me forever. My classes are plucking along in fine style and I feel smarter for it. I care about that, I feel that I am truly becoming someone I can enjoy. I also started caring about how I was treating people. I caught a very bad genetic thing from my family, this prickish attitude that is controlling and selfish and inexplicably angry. I thought I was keeping that side of me pretty well under wraps, but I see now that I have a lot of work to do. I care about that very much. The one other thing that I am going to mention on the laundry list of things to care about is my self image. I beat myself up for a lot of pointless and shallow stuff. I have done this for a very long time, as far back as me moving to Oklahoma. In a way, I don't think this part of me ever got past middle school. why would I do this? I have internalised what I think peoples reactions to me are by how people treated me when I was 12. Middle school kids are fucking mean! So, intrenched in me is this reflection of all these pricks that gave me shit for being fat, slow, quiet whathaveyou. Its time for that kid to grow up. I am coming to realize these things 11 years late, but in due time... I now know this about myself: On top of that shit attitude that I got from the lineage, I have also inhereted the signature Benjamin boy rakish good looks, a charming demeanor, and for the most part, the smarts to back the previous two qualities up.
Anyhow, back to fun, Tonight is a party of one. I have got some swill beer
, some menthols
, and a house to myself.
Now, I am watching fine living, and dancing and singing to a light hearted playlist on the pod.
Hopefully, Brian and Alexis won't burst in on me gallivanting all Ellen Degeneres across the house. I am not out and about, but I assure you all that I am having a good time. If you read this, mahalo. -----Marcus