girls
China is so confusing. There are a LOT of girls in Chengdu who look like American butches, seriously cute butches, but I don't think they are all gay. I know that women here have completely different ideas about gender than Americans, and tend to dress either garishly girly--like thigh high boots with black pantyhose and short shorts, tons of glitter and makeup, long hair and manicures--or they go completely the other way and wear flannel shirts, baggy jeans, cut their hair super short and wear no makeup at all. There are plenty of in-between gals too, but for yuppies, they are in the minority.
I understand that for some of the butch girls, going butch is a way to get taken more seriously. They don't want to be men, but they do want to be treated like them so that they are taken seriously at their jobs. Traditional gender roles are more rigid here in some ways, but more flexible in others. Men or "masculine" people are the real bosses, 90% of the time.
But really, China, it isn't fair! And I know that not all of them are up-and-coming CEOs. So why is the girl who works at the Bookworm Cafe chatting me up, and why does she remember me at all anyway? I only come in for a half hour every two weeks or so to exchange books and maybe drink a coffee. And why is she so cute?
Flirting in China is incredibly difficult. It is a completely different animal from American flirting. There doesn't seem to be any touching, innuendo, or making the other person laugh. I have one first hand experience of getting all wrong here: my one night stand in Kunming when I was studying abroad, and seriously, the communication gap was so wide that I wasn't even sure we were gonna do it until he actually climbed in my bed and kissed me. Maybe in normal hook ups that "are we, are we not?" is okay, but a one night stand is someone you bring to your house with the specific purpose of sexing them up. It should be all agreed upon by the time you've procured the taxi, no? Dating here is different too, ALL the rules are different.
So anyway, here I am, being chatted up by a cute butch girl named Vivianne--or Weimei--and I have no idea if I'm doing it right, or what. Something you should know about conversation in China is that Chinese people generally show little to no emotion with new acquaintances, especially if they are trying to impress. It is supposed to convey that they are not spazzy wingnuts with no self control. But, to an American, whose first impulse upon meeting someone new is to try to garner a reaction of some kind, preferably a laugh or at least relaxation of the personal barriers, this feels like talking to a brick wall. Also, it makes the American feel like a weirdo, gesturing spastically and emoting all over the place.
Think: ten year old child who's had candy or caffeine.....and Spock.
Yeah. It's like that.
At the end I had no idea if I managed to improve or worsen her initial impression. She seemed cool, despite the brick wall exterior, and I'd like to talk to her again if my embellishment, gesticulating and eyebrow gymnastics haven't freaked her out.
Luckily for me, there's a literature festival at the Bookworm this month, with a few authors coming I'd like to hear speak, so I'll be back in there sooner than normal. Amitav Gosh, Tash Aw, and a couple other big author types will be speaking there this week and next. I'm pretty excited, despite not having read their books.
Maybe hearing them speak will light the fire under my butt and I will actually read something besides fanfic and news articles.
.
I understand that for some of the butch girls, going butch is a way to get taken more seriously. They don't want to be men, but they do want to be treated like them so that they are taken seriously at their jobs. Traditional gender roles are more rigid here in some ways, but more flexible in others. Men or "masculine" people are the real bosses, 90% of the time.
But really, China, it isn't fair! And I know that not all of them are up-and-coming CEOs. So why is the girl who works at the Bookworm Cafe chatting me up, and why does she remember me at all anyway? I only come in for a half hour every two weeks or so to exchange books and maybe drink a coffee. And why is she so cute?
Flirting in China is incredibly difficult. It is a completely different animal from American flirting. There doesn't seem to be any touching, innuendo, or making the other person laugh. I have one first hand experience of getting all wrong here: my one night stand in Kunming when I was studying abroad, and seriously, the communication gap was so wide that I wasn't even sure we were gonna do it until he actually climbed in my bed and kissed me. Maybe in normal hook ups that "are we, are we not?" is okay, but a one night stand is someone you bring to your house with the specific purpose of sexing them up. It should be all agreed upon by the time you've procured the taxi, no? Dating here is different too, ALL the rules are different.
So anyway, here I am, being chatted up by a cute butch girl named Vivianne--or Weimei--and I have no idea if I'm doing it right, or what. Something you should know about conversation in China is that Chinese people generally show little to no emotion with new acquaintances, especially if they are trying to impress. It is supposed to convey that they are not spazzy wingnuts with no self control. But, to an American, whose first impulse upon meeting someone new is to try to garner a reaction of some kind, preferably a laugh or at least relaxation of the personal barriers, this feels like talking to a brick wall. Also, it makes the American feel like a weirdo, gesturing spastically and emoting all over the place.
Think: ten year old child who's had candy or caffeine.....and Spock.
Yeah. It's like that.
At the end I had no idea if I managed to improve or worsen her initial impression. She seemed cool, despite the brick wall exterior, and I'd like to talk to her again if my embellishment, gesticulating and eyebrow gymnastics haven't freaked her out.
Luckily for me, there's a literature festival at the Bookworm this month, with a few authors coming I'd like to hear speak, so I'll be back in there sooner than normal. Amitav Gosh, Tash Aw, and a couple other big author types will be speaking there this week and next. I'm pretty excited, despite not having read their books.
Maybe hearing them speak will light the fire under my butt and I will actually read something besides fanfic and news articles.
.