(no subject)
i am beginning to feel like everyone is avoiding me. i don't know why. I don't really know what it is about me that changed in the past five or six months for the worst. I mean, if anything, i've turned into a much better, happier person. but regardless, i really feel like people don't want to be around me. i probably wouldn't feel this way if i didn't go out of my way to make plans with people, only to be either ignored or be told "well, i have other plans." okay, fine, you have other plans. but what about tomorrow? the day after? you can't possibly have plans forever. work with me here? you have to understand, I'm working with no cell phone, no gas in my car, and no money. I know i'm not a lot of fun to hang out with because i can barely ever afford drive and i can't afford to chip in for weed and maybe it's a little awkward getting a hold of me because you have to text my boyfriend's phone, but who cares? maybe that's why people don't talk to me. it really breaks my heart knowing that half the reason dave kendricken never ever talks to me anymore is because I don't have my own cell phone. i really don't know what else to tell people. jake doesn't care when people text his cell phone looking for me. he actually understands that I don't have one and because i'd like to remain connected to the few people that still consider me friend i have to use his. he's okay with that. unlike practically everyone else I've dated, jake isn't a total psychopath and isn't going to freak out at me if my friends call or text his phone. as for everybody else, i don't know what the problem is but this is really, really starting to bother me. a LOT. don't believe me?
since the beginning of the summer, let's say.... june 1st, this is about how many times I've seen my friends:
christine: 3-4 times
meghan: 2 times
matt: 2 times
dave: never
jason: 1 time
I love jake to death and he's wonderful company but boyfriends, no matter how absolutely flawless they are, do not replace best friends. EVER. i feel extremely lonely. when he goes to work, i stay home alone with the cat and clean the house. or read. READ! do you guys have any idea how many books i've read since the beginning of the summer? like, fifteen. that means that my social life needs a steroid shot. i can hang out with anyone pretty much whenever: I AM ALWAYS FREE. I don't work (for another month) and I don't go to school (for another five or six months, hopefully)- I have absolutely no time obligations whatsoever. that means- if YOU have NOTHING to do... you should call me. i mean, come on. we have our own house which means we can do whatever the fuck we want. we don't have to wait for parents to leave when we want to party. we don't have to watch our noise level late at night. i promise hanging out at my house is cool.
have I got any of you sold yet? seriously. please spend some time with me before the summer is over and you all go back to your lives. after the summer is over, then we REALLY won't have many opportunities to get together.
since the beginning of the summer, let's say.... june 1st, this is about how many times I've seen my friends:
christine: 3-4 times
meghan: 2 times
matt: 2 times
dave: never
jason: 1 time
I love jake to death and he's wonderful company but boyfriends, no matter how absolutely flawless they are, do not replace best friends. EVER. i feel extremely lonely. when he goes to work, i stay home alone with the cat and clean the house. or read. READ! do you guys have any idea how many books i've read since the beginning of the summer? like, fifteen. that means that my social life needs a steroid shot. i can hang out with anyone pretty much whenever: I AM ALWAYS FREE. I don't work (for another month) and I don't go to school (for another five or six months, hopefully)- I have absolutely no time obligations whatsoever. that means- if YOU have NOTHING to do... you should call me. i mean, come on. we have our own house which means we can do whatever the fuck we want. we don't have to wait for parents to leave when we want to party. we don't have to watch our noise level late at night. i promise hanging out at my house is cool.
have I got any of you sold yet? seriously. please spend some time with me before the summer is over and you all go back to your lives. after the summer is over, then we REALLY won't have many opportunities to get together.