Fic: Ruminations and Revelations (2/7)
Title: Ruminations and Revelations (2/7)
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, brief appearances by the rest of the team
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Author: space_monkey52
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: First season up to "They Keep Killing Suzie" as well as minor ones for the audiobook "Hidden"
Disclaimer: The toys belong to the BBC, I'm just playing with them.
Summary: In the aftermath of the events of "Hidden", Jack sits by Ianto's bedside and reflects on how their relationship started.
Author's note: After many delays and much stalling, it's finally finished. I present my third Torchwood fic. Major thanks to the beta goddesses bookwrm89 and teleen_fiction who put up with my constant emails and questions as well as catching my mistakes. Also, thanks to aranellaurelote for Brit-picking. This is my longest fic yet, and I've decided to post it in chapters. I hope to start working on my fourth fic soon. :)
Chapter 2
Jack took in a deep breath then let it out, the take-out bag clutched tightly in one hand and a glass bottle in the other. This would be his first time seeing Ianto since the direct aftermath of the Cyberwoman incident.
Things then had been strained as he’d dragged a silent and broken Ianto from his kneeling position staring vacantly at what was left of Lisa. After depositing him on the autopsy table, he had ordered Owen to check Ianto for injuries before going to deal with the bodies. Upon his return, he was informed that Ianto was battered and bruised but would otherwise be fine, at least physically. Taking Tosh aside, he asked her to take Ianto home and look after him. After his anger had calmed enough to allow him to think, he realized that Ianto needed support or they would most likely lose him, too; yet another victim of Canary Wharf. Of all of the members of his team, he knew Tosh would best be able to understand doing something incredibly risky, if not careless, to help a loved one.
Tosh had nodded, quickly working out why she was the one being charged with the task, before gently taking Ianto’s arm and leading him out of the Hub. Jack then sent everyone else home, claiming that they deserved the rest when he only really wanted to be alone to think. He mechanically went through the motions of cleaning up the mess that was left, cleaning the blood away and dismantling the conversion unit.
He needed to decide what to do with Ianto now. He knew that the other man would most likely expect him to carry out Torchwood One protocol which demanded either Retcon or execution for his treason, but he couldn’t stand to lose another member of his team, especially not so soon after Suzie and especially not the youngest member. If he was honest with himself, Ianto had had noble intentions. His actions were foolish, misguided, and nearly catastrophic, but still done for a noble reason, love. Memories of the Blitz in 1941 remind him that he’d done similarly stupid things for lesser causes. The Doctor was still willing to take a chance on him and saved his life. Maybe it was time he did someone else the same favor.
A phone call from Tosh informing him that Ianto had confessed to another body being stored in one of the rooms down the hall from his current position caused him to sigh. He should have wondered what had happened to the mystery man from the CCTV video. Jack had then gone to deal with hopefully the last victim of the events at Torchwood One.
Now, two days later, he stood on Ianto’s doorstep, taking in another deep breath before raising a hand to knock on the door, careful not to drop what he was carrying. Jack was left waiting for a few minutes before he heard movement behind the door and it slowly opened. His first look at Ianto did nothing to alleviate his worry. The younger man had visible rings under his eyes, a testament to sleepless nights though his hair looked sleep tousled, and he appeared not to have shaven since he’d last seen him. Dressed simply in a t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms, Ianto studied him cautiously before standing back and allowing Jack to enter.
The lights in the spacious apartment were mostly out except for a glow from the bedroom door. The kitchen, dining room and living room remained in darkness. Sparsely furnished, everything that was there was clean and ordered. He’d come to believe that Ianto’s habit of cleanliness somehow offered him comfort. Perhaps it was just about having something in his life that he could actually control after all that had happened to him.
Placing the take-out on the dining room table, he turned towards Ianto who was still hovering near the door. “I brought dinner.” Grabbing the bottle, he held it up. “Something for after, too.”
Ianto slowly approached him, his skittish behavior saddening but not surprising Jack.
“Thank you, sir.” Ianto’s voice was hoarse, and he could tell it probably hadn’t been used much since the last time he saw him.
Picking the food up again, Jack motioned towards the living room. “How about we eat in there? It looks more comfortable.”
Ianto only nodded as he was led around his own home, and Jack was able to coax him into sitting on the sofa before opening up the bags and spreading the food out over the coffee table. Jack could smell the Chinese food through the containers and handed one to Ianto then grabbed his own. He’d got beef with broccoli for himself and orange chicken for Ianto, knowing it was one of his favorites, at least from how often he ordered it.
It was only after he had begun to eat that he noticed the Welshman staring at the open carton longingly but still not eating. Pausing with a piece of beef halfway to his mouth, he tried to figure out why the other man was hesitating. He felt another pang of sadness as he realized Ianto must believe he’d put something in the food, perhaps trying to Retcon him. He remembered telling Tosh to inform Ianto that he was merely being suspended, but obviously Ianto hadn’t believed her.
Dropping the piece of food back into his container, he reached over and snatched a piece of chicken before popping it into his mouth, making a show of eating it so Ianto would understand there was nothing wrong with it. A few minutes later Ianto finally began to eat, digging into his meal in silence.
Leftovers were put aside once the two men were finished, and Ianto suddenly seemed to find the hands folded in his lap to be captivating. With a sigh, Jack ran a hand over his face.
“What are we going to do with you, Ianto?” He asked sadly.
Ianto let out a bitter laugh. “I didn’t think I had much of a say in the matter, sir. Torchwood protocol states that…”
“Torchwood One protocol,” Jack interrupted. “This isn’t Torchwood One, and their protocol didn’t seem to have really helped them, did it?” At Ianto’s flinch, he softened his voice. “Unless you’d prefer to be Retconned? Execution is out of the question, but we could relocate you, give you another chance at life without the horrors of Torchwood.”
He held his breath as he waited for Ianto to respond, and he could see him considering the option. Jack selfishly hoped that he wouldn’t pick that option. Giving Ianto another life would mean losing him almost as surely as executing him would. He’d love to get to know him better. Nobody had ever been able to con him so completely before, and coming from a former conman that was saying something. He also couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to have the undying loyalty that Ianto had shown for Lisa directed towards him.
Ianto’s hands tightened into fists and he looked up to meet Jack’s gaze. “If I have a choice, then I’d prefer to keep my memories. There may be some horrible things, but there are also good memories, and right now those are all I have left.”
Jack let out the breath he had been holding. “That’s not exactly true. You have us.”
Ianto looked at him incredulously. “I hid L…” He stopped himself before he could say her name. “I hid a Cyberman in the basement. I almost got you all killed. Why would any of you want to be anywhere near me?” Ianto jumped to his feet and began pacing before turning back to him. “Why are you even here, if it’s not to Retcon or kill me? Isn’t that what you said you were going to do when you had your gun in my face? ‘Execute her or I’ll execute you both’?” His emotions finally broke free, allowing his confusion to color his words, and Jack could see he was trying to desperately understand.
It was hard hearing his own words, spoken in anger, thrown back at him. He’d allowed his emotions to control his actions and Ianto had paid for it. “You’re worse than anything locked up down there! One day, I’ll have the chance to save you… and I’ll watch you suffer and die.” Somehow that declaration had felt like a knife in his chest, and the additional sensation had just added to the chaos in his head from the discovery of a Cyberman in his base. Now that he’d had time to calm down, Jack regretted so many of the choices he’d made on that night.
“I shouldn’t have ordered you to do that, it was wrong.” He watched as Ianto stared at him, his expression showing his surprise at the statement. He opened his mouth to say something, but Jack cut him off. “What you did was incredibly stupid and that thing needed to be stopped, but I shouldn’t have told you to be the one to do it. I’m sorry for the pain it caused you.”
Ianto’s mouth worked as he struggled to speak, but he couldn’t seem to get words to form. Instead he let his legs buckle and fell back onto the sofa. Ianto was silent for a few moments before he finally spoke. “But it’s still my fault, isn’t it?” He stared vacantly at the wall. “She was still my Lisa when I brought her here, but once Dr. Tanizaki enabled her to breathe on her own, she changed. Suddenly the constant pain was gone. You couldn’t possibly imagine what I had to give her in a single day to make the agony bearable. I was so happy that she could walk and breathe that I didn’t think anything of it at the time. I should have seen it when she tried to upgrade him. She said she wanted to repay him for helping her by ‘removing the weaknesses of his humanity’. I should have known something was wrong then, but I just told myself that she hadn’t meant to do it, it was an accident, post traumatic stress, some kind of side effect to the whole process, anything that meant I could still save her because I needed her back so badly.” A tear trailed down his face, followed by another. “Canary Wharf destroyed lives. Those who made it through either committed suicide or Retconned themselves to escape the pain. The battle left no real survivors, only the walking dead.”
Jack couldn’t resist the wave of guilt brought on by Ianto’s words. He’d brought his team to scavenge the ruins, ignoring those that were still left. Maybe if he had just cared a little bit more about the ones who lived, none of this would have happened. There was no way for him to change his past actions, but he could still act now. Jack became more determined than ever to help Ianto through this, he owed him that much at least.
Standing, he walked into the kitchen and after rummaging around found two glasses. Grabbing the bottle from the dining room table on the way back, he sat on the sofa and handed Ianto a glass. He seemed slightly startled at the sudden presence of a glass in his hands, pulling him from his thoughts.
Pulling the top off the bottle, Jack poured some of the blue liquid into the glass. “Drink this” he instructed.
Ianto cautiously took a gulp only to cough and sputter.
Jack chuckled. “Slowly, this is strong stuff. It’s from a nice little planet in the Altiri galaxy. They love visiting Earth and always bring plenty of the stuff with them.”
Ianto snorted. “If another of your famous sexual exploits stories is about to follow, I’d rather you stopped now.”
They sat in silence for the next few hours, slowly making their way through a quarter of the bottle. At least, Ianto did. Jack only took small sips from his own glass but made sure to refill Ianto’s glass every time it was emptied. He eventually achieved the desired effect as Ianto soon began to yawn, allowing his eyes to close now that he was no longer controlled enough to continue fighting sleep as he’d obviously been doing. Putting down his own drink, Jack removed the empty cup from limp hands as he maneuvered Ianto into a more reclined position before grabbing the shabby blanket that had been thrown over the sofa and covering him with it.
Normally he might feel guilty getting someone this drunk, but the lovely little culture that produced the drink had found an alternative to ethanol which had the same effects but avoided the dehydration and liver issues that caused hangovers. Instead, Ianto would merely get a night of undisturbed sleep, something he really looked like he could use.
Smiling at the peaceful expression on Ianto’s face as he slept, Jack went back into the kitchen, returning with a piece of paper from the pad on the refrigerator. He quickly scribbled a note announcing he’d be back at the same time tomorrow, then left, carefully shutting the door behind him.
**********************************************************************
Jack couldn’t help smiling at the memory of that night, the first of many. It became a routine during Ianto’s suspension. Tosh, Owen, or Gwen might visit during the day, but every night Jack showed up like clockwork with dinner and a bottle of Altiri liquor. Ianto would then go on to have a night of undisturbed and restful sleep. Between them they were also able to make sure that he once again began eating regular meals. Slowly the marks under his eyes began to vanish, and the pallor of his skin was replaced by his normal healthy complexion.
He continued to recognize that there was still a great deal of distance between Ianto and himself, but it no longer seemed insurmountable and sometimes he could even imagine that he could see it lessening. Ianto’s friendship with Tosh continued to develop, something that Jack believed would be good for both of them. He did his best to continue to get Ianto to open up a bit more, efforts that either led to more talks or shouting matches. To him, either option was acceptable since Ianto would be expressing his feelings either way. Though a few of the barbs were painful, he had been around long enough to have heard far worse.
Things were a bit tense when Ianto returned to work, mainly because he seemed unsure of what his place was. He’d spent so much time focusing on hiding that he’d forgotten how to do anything else. Jack made sure that Ianto was always invited to have lunch with them, but never pressured him to. He didn’t want to force Ianto into anything he wasn’t comfortable with yet, and Ianto seemed to appreciate the gesture.
There was finally peace, or as close to it as they could get, settling over the Hub. At least, there was until the faeries came, but maybe they had brought a sort of peace after all.
TBC.....
Not sure if I'll be able to post this weekend. Feel free to leave comments on what you think of the story so far. :)
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, brief appearances by the rest of the team
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Author: space_monkey52
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: First season up to "They Keep Killing Suzie" as well as minor ones for the audiobook "Hidden"
Disclaimer: The toys belong to the BBC, I'm just playing with them.
Summary: In the aftermath of the events of "Hidden", Jack sits by Ianto's bedside and reflects on how their relationship started.
Author's note: After many delays and much stalling, it's finally finished. I present my third Torchwood fic. Major thanks to the beta goddesses bookwrm89 and teleen_fiction who put up with my constant emails and questions as well as catching my mistakes. Also, thanks to aranellaurelote for Brit-picking. This is my longest fic yet, and I've decided to post it in chapters. I hope to start working on my fourth fic soon. :)
Chapter 2
Jack took in a deep breath then let it out, the take-out bag clutched tightly in one hand and a glass bottle in the other. This would be his first time seeing Ianto since the direct aftermath of the Cyberwoman incident.
Things then had been strained as he’d dragged a silent and broken Ianto from his kneeling position staring vacantly at what was left of Lisa. After depositing him on the autopsy table, he had ordered Owen to check Ianto for injuries before going to deal with the bodies. Upon his return, he was informed that Ianto was battered and bruised but would otherwise be fine, at least physically. Taking Tosh aside, he asked her to take Ianto home and look after him. After his anger had calmed enough to allow him to think, he realized that Ianto needed support or they would most likely lose him, too; yet another victim of Canary Wharf. Of all of the members of his team, he knew Tosh would best be able to understand doing something incredibly risky, if not careless, to help a loved one.
Tosh had nodded, quickly working out why she was the one being charged with the task, before gently taking Ianto’s arm and leading him out of the Hub. Jack then sent everyone else home, claiming that they deserved the rest when he only really wanted to be alone to think. He mechanically went through the motions of cleaning up the mess that was left, cleaning the blood away and dismantling the conversion unit.
He needed to decide what to do with Ianto now. He knew that the other man would most likely expect him to carry out Torchwood One protocol which demanded either Retcon or execution for his treason, but he couldn’t stand to lose another member of his team, especially not so soon after Suzie and especially not the youngest member. If he was honest with himself, Ianto had had noble intentions. His actions were foolish, misguided, and nearly catastrophic, but still done for a noble reason, love. Memories of the Blitz in 1941 remind him that he’d done similarly stupid things for lesser causes. The Doctor was still willing to take a chance on him and saved his life. Maybe it was time he did someone else the same favor.
A phone call from Tosh informing him that Ianto had confessed to another body being stored in one of the rooms down the hall from his current position caused him to sigh. He should have wondered what had happened to the mystery man from the CCTV video. Jack had then gone to deal with hopefully the last victim of the events at Torchwood One.
Now, two days later, he stood on Ianto’s doorstep, taking in another deep breath before raising a hand to knock on the door, careful not to drop what he was carrying. Jack was left waiting for a few minutes before he heard movement behind the door and it slowly opened. His first look at Ianto did nothing to alleviate his worry. The younger man had visible rings under his eyes, a testament to sleepless nights though his hair looked sleep tousled, and he appeared not to have shaven since he’d last seen him. Dressed simply in a t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms, Ianto studied him cautiously before standing back and allowing Jack to enter.
The lights in the spacious apartment were mostly out except for a glow from the bedroom door. The kitchen, dining room and living room remained in darkness. Sparsely furnished, everything that was there was clean and ordered. He’d come to believe that Ianto’s habit of cleanliness somehow offered him comfort. Perhaps it was just about having something in his life that he could actually control after all that had happened to him.
Placing the take-out on the dining room table, he turned towards Ianto who was still hovering near the door. “I brought dinner.” Grabbing the bottle, he held it up. “Something for after, too.”
Ianto slowly approached him, his skittish behavior saddening but not surprising Jack.
“Thank you, sir.” Ianto’s voice was hoarse, and he could tell it probably hadn’t been used much since the last time he saw him.
Picking the food up again, Jack motioned towards the living room. “How about we eat in there? It looks more comfortable.”
Ianto only nodded as he was led around his own home, and Jack was able to coax him into sitting on the sofa before opening up the bags and spreading the food out over the coffee table. Jack could smell the Chinese food through the containers and handed one to Ianto then grabbed his own. He’d got beef with broccoli for himself and orange chicken for Ianto, knowing it was one of his favorites, at least from how often he ordered it.
It was only after he had begun to eat that he noticed the Welshman staring at the open carton longingly but still not eating. Pausing with a piece of beef halfway to his mouth, he tried to figure out why the other man was hesitating. He felt another pang of sadness as he realized Ianto must believe he’d put something in the food, perhaps trying to Retcon him. He remembered telling Tosh to inform Ianto that he was merely being suspended, but obviously Ianto hadn’t believed her.
Dropping the piece of food back into his container, he reached over and snatched a piece of chicken before popping it into his mouth, making a show of eating it so Ianto would understand there was nothing wrong with it. A few minutes later Ianto finally began to eat, digging into his meal in silence.
Leftovers were put aside once the two men were finished, and Ianto suddenly seemed to find the hands folded in his lap to be captivating. With a sigh, Jack ran a hand over his face.
“What are we going to do with you, Ianto?” He asked sadly.
Ianto let out a bitter laugh. “I didn’t think I had much of a say in the matter, sir. Torchwood protocol states that…”
“Torchwood One protocol,” Jack interrupted. “This isn’t Torchwood One, and their protocol didn’t seem to have really helped them, did it?” At Ianto’s flinch, he softened his voice. “Unless you’d prefer to be Retconned? Execution is out of the question, but we could relocate you, give you another chance at life without the horrors of Torchwood.”
He held his breath as he waited for Ianto to respond, and he could see him considering the option. Jack selfishly hoped that he wouldn’t pick that option. Giving Ianto another life would mean losing him almost as surely as executing him would. He’d love to get to know him better. Nobody had ever been able to con him so completely before, and coming from a former conman that was saying something. He also couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to have the undying loyalty that Ianto had shown for Lisa directed towards him.
Ianto’s hands tightened into fists and he looked up to meet Jack’s gaze. “If I have a choice, then I’d prefer to keep my memories. There may be some horrible things, but there are also good memories, and right now those are all I have left.”
Jack let out the breath he had been holding. “That’s not exactly true. You have us.”
Ianto looked at him incredulously. “I hid L…” He stopped himself before he could say her name. “I hid a Cyberman in the basement. I almost got you all killed. Why would any of you want to be anywhere near me?” Ianto jumped to his feet and began pacing before turning back to him. “Why are you even here, if it’s not to Retcon or kill me? Isn’t that what you said you were going to do when you had your gun in my face? ‘Execute her or I’ll execute you both’?” His emotions finally broke free, allowing his confusion to color his words, and Jack could see he was trying to desperately understand.
It was hard hearing his own words, spoken in anger, thrown back at him. He’d allowed his emotions to control his actions and Ianto had paid for it. “You’re worse than anything locked up down there! One day, I’ll have the chance to save you… and I’ll watch you suffer and die.” Somehow that declaration had felt like a knife in his chest, and the additional sensation had just added to the chaos in his head from the discovery of a Cyberman in his base. Now that he’d had time to calm down, Jack regretted so many of the choices he’d made on that night.
“I shouldn’t have ordered you to do that, it was wrong.” He watched as Ianto stared at him, his expression showing his surprise at the statement. He opened his mouth to say something, but Jack cut him off. “What you did was incredibly stupid and that thing needed to be stopped, but I shouldn’t have told you to be the one to do it. I’m sorry for the pain it caused you.”
Ianto’s mouth worked as he struggled to speak, but he couldn’t seem to get words to form. Instead he let his legs buckle and fell back onto the sofa. Ianto was silent for a few moments before he finally spoke. “But it’s still my fault, isn’t it?” He stared vacantly at the wall. “She was still my Lisa when I brought her here, but once Dr. Tanizaki enabled her to breathe on her own, she changed. Suddenly the constant pain was gone. You couldn’t possibly imagine what I had to give her in a single day to make the agony bearable. I was so happy that she could walk and breathe that I didn’t think anything of it at the time. I should have seen it when she tried to upgrade him. She said she wanted to repay him for helping her by ‘removing the weaknesses of his humanity’. I should have known something was wrong then, but I just told myself that she hadn’t meant to do it, it was an accident, post traumatic stress, some kind of side effect to the whole process, anything that meant I could still save her because I needed her back so badly.” A tear trailed down his face, followed by another. “Canary Wharf destroyed lives. Those who made it through either committed suicide or Retconned themselves to escape the pain. The battle left no real survivors, only the walking dead.”
Jack couldn’t resist the wave of guilt brought on by Ianto’s words. He’d brought his team to scavenge the ruins, ignoring those that were still left. Maybe if he had just cared a little bit more about the ones who lived, none of this would have happened. There was no way for him to change his past actions, but he could still act now. Jack became more determined than ever to help Ianto through this, he owed him that much at least.
Standing, he walked into the kitchen and after rummaging around found two glasses. Grabbing the bottle from the dining room table on the way back, he sat on the sofa and handed Ianto a glass. He seemed slightly startled at the sudden presence of a glass in his hands, pulling him from his thoughts.
Pulling the top off the bottle, Jack poured some of the blue liquid into the glass. “Drink this” he instructed.
Ianto cautiously took a gulp only to cough and sputter.
Jack chuckled. “Slowly, this is strong stuff. It’s from a nice little planet in the Altiri galaxy. They love visiting Earth and always bring plenty of the stuff with them.”
Ianto snorted. “If another of your famous sexual exploits stories is about to follow, I’d rather you stopped now.”
They sat in silence for the next few hours, slowly making their way through a quarter of the bottle. At least, Ianto did. Jack only took small sips from his own glass but made sure to refill Ianto’s glass every time it was emptied. He eventually achieved the desired effect as Ianto soon began to yawn, allowing his eyes to close now that he was no longer controlled enough to continue fighting sleep as he’d obviously been doing. Putting down his own drink, Jack removed the empty cup from limp hands as he maneuvered Ianto into a more reclined position before grabbing the shabby blanket that had been thrown over the sofa and covering him with it.
Normally he might feel guilty getting someone this drunk, but the lovely little culture that produced the drink had found an alternative to ethanol which had the same effects but avoided the dehydration and liver issues that caused hangovers. Instead, Ianto would merely get a night of undisturbed sleep, something he really looked like he could use.
Smiling at the peaceful expression on Ianto’s face as he slept, Jack went back into the kitchen, returning with a piece of paper from the pad on the refrigerator. He quickly scribbled a note announcing he’d be back at the same time tomorrow, then left, carefully shutting the door behind him.
**********************************************************************
Jack couldn’t help smiling at the memory of that night, the first of many. It became a routine during Ianto’s suspension. Tosh, Owen, or Gwen might visit during the day, but every night Jack showed up like clockwork with dinner and a bottle of Altiri liquor. Ianto would then go on to have a night of undisturbed and restful sleep. Between them they were also able to make sure that he once again began eating regular meals. Slowly the marks under his eyes began to vanish, and the pallor of his skin was replaced by his normal healthy complexion.
He continued to recognize that there was still a great deal of distance between Ianto and himself, but it no longer seemed insurmountable and sometimes he could even imagine that he could see it lessening. Ianto’s friendship with Tosh continued to develop, something that Jack believed would be good for both of them. He did his best to continue to get Ianto to open up a bit more, efforts that either led to more talks or shouting matches. To him, either option was acceptable since Ianto would be expressing his feelings either way. Though a few of the barbs were painful, he had been around long enough to have heard far worse.
Things were a bit tense when Ianto returned to work, mainly because he seemed unsure of what his place was. He’d spent so much time focusing on hiding that he’d forgotten how to do anything else. Jack made sure that Ianto was always invited to have lunch with them, but never pressured him to. He didn’t want to force Ianto into anything he wasn’t comfortable with yet, and Ianto seemed to appreciate the gesture.
There was finally peace, or as close to it as they could get, settling over the Hub. At least, there was until the faeries came, but maybe they had brought a sort of peace after all.
TBC.....
Not sure if I'll be able to post this weekend. Feel free to leave comments on what you think of the story so far. :)