Clarity
I’ve been doing Yoga lately. It was part of my recent health kick. Ummm, it’s been a while since I updated the blog. So back in, February, I guess I got a cheap flipcam and wanted to take some video of myself playing Rock Band drums. I thought I might look cool and happy doing it since I love it so much. I did look happy, but I looked like a very happy dork. Oh well, I am a dork; I accept that. However I looked like a fat dork.
My weight had been creeping up slowly. Over the last two years I’d gained 25lbs. So for the first time I got on a real diet. I went with the Medifast plan. I haven’t been totally faithful to the plan but I’ve done enough to loose 30lbs since March. I’m happy with that, I’d like to lose another 10-15lbs but I’m ok with my weight right now.
In April I made a promise to Kellee (who is a subject for another blog entirely) to start exercising too. I’d been thinking about doing Yoga for a while and finally took the plunge at Sherri Goldstein’s Yoga Sanctuary. I liked it almost right away. It’s solid exercise particularly for improving flexibility and balance with some strength elements. But much more than that there’s a meditative aspect to it that I love. Spending an hour focusing on my breathing and every movement of my body takes my mind to a different place. A very loving, open and joyful place.
Today I experienced a truly wonderful moment of clarity. I became truly grateful to my body for housing my spirit. For taking me through this amazing world and gifting me all the sensations of life. Eyes to see the beauty in the world. Ears to hear phenomenal music. The exhilaration of my sexual appetites. Even an appreciation for the pain that comes from my body.
I feel that my description of that moment is woefully insufficient but that’s ok. Some things can only be experienced firsthand.
So we finally got through the World Series of Poker this year. It was fucking awful. I’ve come to despise going to work much more than usual. Tips were bad and it was just way more stressful than I remember for no real reason. Towards the end the only way I got through the days was to adopt the mindset that everything between when I show up and when I leave is going to be the biggest pile of shit I’ve ever dealt with. But that once it was over it was over and I only had to get thru the next X number of hours. It worked for the most part. I groaned through the shitty downs and when I got out I was positively giddy. But it’s not a life I want to live.
I did kinda snap for a minute towards the end. I was dealing a 1-3NL game at 2:15 in the morning. It’s going to be my last down and the table only has 6 players left so it might break and I’ll get out a few minutes early. One player busts and two more are leaving so it’s all but broken. Then two drunk French guys sit down and buy in.
There’s a lot of Europeans around during the WSOP and some are very nice but on the whole they tend to be worse tippers and force me to police the English-only rule more. For some reason the French accent really puts me on tilt. I don’t know why it’s worse than German or Swedish but it just puts me on edge. These two got at least 4 warnings for speaking French during my 15 minutes.
So they join the game and between the two of them they win 5 of the next 7 hands and stiff me every time. But they both get a drink and tip the waitress $5 each. Because that’s a service they appreciate, getting them drunker. But dealing a game they traveled 5,000 miles to play quickly and accurately is not a service they should ever be grateful for. It’s my last hand and one of them bets $6 on the flop. Two people fold and one calls. I scoop in the bets, burn & turn. The other player checks and I stare at the Frenchman for a minute. “Action to you sir, check or bet.”
“No, why are you looking at me. I just bet $6.”
Anger and frustration had finally boiled over in my body and poured out my mouth, “No, you bet then he folded. He folded. He called. I brought in the bets and turned the next card. He checked and now it’s to you. Now do something and quit wasting my goddamn time.” The asshole bet and won the pot, stiffed me again and I left. There have been no repercussions from my outburst at work, it wasn’t a huge blow up or anything but it was for me. I feel bad about it because although I had valid reasons to dislike them, it’s still not right for me to inflict my anger upon them. I’m supposed to just take it but I just couldn’t anymore.
I read Cynthia True’s biography of Bill Hicks. It was good. I really love Bill Hicks so it’s good to get some more details about his life. I liked reading that he too enjoyed Yoga and Indian food. Makes me feel more like a kindred spirit. When the first mention was made of the cancer that took his life I froze and wept a little. I almost didn’t want to finish the book.
I’ve also been listening to the WTF podcast with Marc Maron. He’s a comedian and he interviews a bunch of other comedians. It’s often funny but it’s real conversations. Something you don’t hear much anymore. Actual ideas are expressed folks, hold on to your hats. Profound stories, personal revelations AND dick jokes. It’s entertaining, enlightening and has been building in me a desire to be a part of that comedy world.
Between that, my affection for Bill Hicks, and my tremendous dissatisfaction with my current job I’m going to give stand-up a shot. It’s probably going to be bad. But I’m gonna see if I can make it not that horrible. Hopefully someone enjoys it, I probably will except for the hours leading up to my debut on stage.
My weight had been creeping up slowly. Over the last two years I’d gained 25lbs. So for the first time I got on a real diet. I went with the Medifast plan. I haven’t been totally faithful to the plan but I’ve done enough to loose 30lbs since March. I’m happy with that, I’d like to lose another 10-15lbs but I’m ok with my weight right now.
In April I made a promise to Kellee (who is a subject for another blog entirely) to start exercising too. I’d been thinking about doing Yoga for a while and finally took the plunge at Sherri Goldstein’s Yoga Sanctuary. I liked it almost right away. It’s solid exercise particularly for improving flexibility and balance with some strength elements. But much more than that there’s a meditative aspect to it that I love. Spending an hour focusing on my breathing and every movement of my body takes my mind to a different place. A very loving, open and joyful place.
Today I experienced a truly wonderful moment of clarity. I became truly grateful to my body for housing my spirit. For taking me through this amazing world and gifting me all the sensations of life. Eyes to see the beauty in the world. Ears to hear phenomenal music. The exhilaration of my sexual appetites. Even an appreciation for the pain that comes from my body.
I feel that my description of that moment is woefully insufficient but that’s ok. Some things can only be experienced firsthand.
So we finally got through the World Series of Poker this year. It was fucking awful. I’ve come to despise going to work much more than usual. Tips were bad and it was just way more stressful than I remember for no real reason. Towards the end the only way I got through the days was to adopt the mindset that everything between when I show up and when I leave is going to be the biggest pile of shit I’ve ever dealt with. But that once it was over it was over and I only had to get thru the next X number of hours. It worked for the most part. I groaned through the shitty downs and when I got out I was positively giddy. But it’s not a life I want to live.
I did kinda snap for a minute towards the end. I was dealing a 1-3NL game at 2:15 in the morning. It’s going to be my last down and the table only has 6 players left so it might break and I’ll get out a few minutes early. One player busts and two more are leaving so it’s all but broken. Then two drunk French guys sit down and buy in.
There’s a lot of Europeans around during the WSOP and some are very nice but on the whole they tend to be worse tippers and force me to police the English-only rule more. For some reason the French accent really puts me on tilt. I don’t know why it’s worse than German or Swedish but it just puts me on edge. These two got at least 4 warnings for speaking French during my 15 minutes.
So they join the game and between the two of them they win 5 of the next 7 hands and stiff me every time. But they both get a drink and tip the waitress $5 each. Because that’s a service they appreciate, getting them drunker. But dealing a game they traveled 5,000 miles to play quickly and accurately is not a service they should ever be grateful for. It’s my last hand and one of them bets $6 on the flop. Two people fold and one calls. I scoop in the bets, burn & turn. The other player checks and I stare at the Frenchman for a minute. “Action to you sir, check or bet.”
“No, why are you looking at me. I just bet $6.”
Anger and frustration had finally boiled over in my body and poured out my mouth, “No, you bet then he folded. He folded. He called. I brought in the bets and turned the next card. He checked and now it’s to you. Now do something and quit wasting my goddamn time.” The asshole bet and won the pot, stiffed me again and I left. There have been no repercussions from my outburst at work, it wasn’t a huge blow up or anything but it was for me. I feel bad about it because although I had valid reasons to dislike them, it’s still not right for me to inflict my anger upon them. I’m supposed to just take it but I just couldn’t anymore.
I read Cynthia True’s biography of Bill Hicks. It was good. I really love Bill Hicks so it’s good to get some more details about his life. I liked reading that he too enjoyed Yoga and Indian food. Makes me feel more like a kindred spirit. When the first mention was made of the cancer that took his life I froze and wept a little. I almost didn’t want to finish the book.
I’ve also been listening to the WTF podcast with Marc Maron. He’s a comedian and he interviews a bunch of other comedians. It’s often funny but it’s real conversations. Something you don’t hear much anymore. Actual ideas are expressed folks, hold on to your hats. Profound stories, personal revelations AND dick jokes. It’s entertaining, enlightening and has been building in me a desire to be a part of that comedy world.
Between that, my affection for Bill Hicks, and my tremendous dissatisfaction with my current job I’m going to give stand-up a shot. It’s probably going to be bad. But I’m gonna see if I can make it not that horrible. Hopefully someone enjoys it, I probably will except for the hours leading up to my debut on stage.