the end of the SS
I think this is going to be the last post about Sabrinia. So, if you enjoy posts about poker or the Redskins (oh, my 'Skins, that's not right) or random movies, rejoice.
Yeah, it's not happening. It's just not. Last Tuesday on the 'not a date' she asked me if I'd ever had a girlfriend and then why not? I did my best to answer honestly and be forthcoming with a splash of humour thrown in. I tried to 'be myself.' She nodded and the conversation moved towards porn, I think.
Later she told a story about giving a guy in college his first kiss and how horrible he was at it. Then came the "We're fucking" text. Then I said something like how many guys like me have you met, trying to suggest that I was a weirdly interesting person. "I went to a Science and Technology High School, I knew a bunch of dorks."
Tonight was a bar with some other people and... Sabrinia's just not interested in me. It sucks but... it's alright. I mean, finding out that the girl I've felt the most for in my entire life sees me as no more than a dorky virgin who was fun to tease is great, don't get me wrong. It's valuable growth that probably should have happened a decade ago. But there is a way to look at that where I could be angry or depressed about it.
It would be so much easier for me if I could just hate Sabrinia. Just call her a bitch that I'm better off without. But mostly I just feel compassion and affection for her. She's lonely too, moving to Vegas by herself, and working a bunch of jobs with crazy hours to pay bills. I wish I could help her out, at least be a good friend to her. But I don't think I can stand to be around her without finally giving her that hug.
That's my one real regret about this. I wish I'd given her a hug. It's so sick but it's the Truth.
Yeah, it's not happening. It's just not. Last Tuesday on the 'not a date' she asked me if I'd ever had a girlfriend and then why not? I did my best to answer honestly and be forthcoming with a splash of humour thrown in. I tried to 'be myself.' She nodded and the conversation moved towards porn, I think.
Later she told a story about giving a guy in college his first kiss and how horrible he was at it. Then came the "We're fucking" text. Then I said something like how many guys like me have you met, trying to suggest that I was a weirdly interesting person. "I went to a Science and Technology High School, I knew a bunch of dorks."
Tonight was a bar with some other people and... Sabrinia's just not interested in me. It sucks but... it's alright. I mean, finding out that the girl I've felt the most for in my entire life sees me as no more than a dorky virgin who was fun to tease is great, don't get me wrong. It's valuable growth that probably should have happened a decade ago. But there is a way to look at that where I could be angry or depressed about it.
It would be so much easier for me if I could just hate Sabrinia. Just call her a bitch that I'm better off without. But mostly I just feel compassion and affection for her. She's lonely too, moving to Vegas by herself, and working a bunch of jobs with crazy hours to pay bills. I wish I could help her out, at least be a good friend to her. But I don't think I can stand to be around her without finally giving her that hug.
That's my one real regret about this. I wish I'd given her a hug. It's so sick but it's the Truth.