(no subject)
damn it has been a while LJ. The way I'm feeling lately is something that deserves to be written down because I hope I have the balls to act on it one day soon. I'm getting pissed about life. It's not that I hate my life, in fact, its exactly the opposite, I'm really happy, but I feel oppressed. Me and Errol have been having SOOO much fun together lately. We have undoubtedly entered a new era of our lives and everything is wonderful, but I feel unfulfilled in the sense that each and every day, when all I want to do is wake up, roll over and spend quality time with him, I'm scrambling to a beeping alarm clock, dragging my ass to the shower and putting all my time and energy into something that I don't even give a fuck about: Work.
There are 168 hours in a week.
That seems like a lot, but when you factor into the fact that you're sleeping for 40 of those hours and, if you're like me, working for 40 of those hours you soon realize that you have 88 hours left. Not to mention the time we use to eat, get ready, do simple chores, etc. Even if I didn't factor in those few extra things like the time it takes me to cook dinner, or how long it takes me to have a shower; even if I was left with exactly 88 hours it is still horribly and utterly ridiculous. I am one person with many people in my life whom I love and it seems utterly impossible to give everyone the time and attention that they deserve in order to be called a "friend."
I'm sick of wasting my time working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and then having 2 short days to unwind or spend time with people. I'm getting really fucking tempted to just pack up and fuck off. I want to live free without a sense of time and I want to just be happy with minimal material things because those things are shit compared to the people I love.
so I work my ass off 40 hours a week to make a minimal amount of cash when I could probably just strip for 3 hours and have everything that I need to make it through the rest of the day, or commune-it-up and work a couple hours per day tending to the fields, doing dishes, cooking, etc and still have everything I need. Why do we always feel like we have to be something big in order to be happy?
We all know the truth is that those people who strive to be the best are the most miserable of all. and even though they say they're happy, it's a facade because they're afraid to show their true emotions and feelings for fear that it will show weakness. Those people are the weakest of all, playing into the insecurities that media and society force down their throats. Always wanting to be the best, to have the nicest things, to drive the fastest car because they're not comfortable with just being who they are.
I have a craving to experience the world on my own terms. I always felt like I must have money to do anything in life, but I'm starting to realize you can do a LOT with just a little.
Meh, maybe I just have to find something that feels less like work and more like something I ACTUALLY care about....but honestly...I'm really really losing hope that there is something out there for me that is my "calling."
/endrant
There are 168 hours in a week.
That seems like a lot, but when you factor into the fact that you're sleeping for 40 of those hours and, if you're like me, working for 40 of those hours you soon realize that you have 88 hours left. Not to mention the time we use to eat, get ready, do simple chores, etc. Even if I didn't factor in those few extra things like the time it takes me to cook dinner, or how long it takes me to have a shower; even if I was left with exactly 88 hours it is still horribly and utterly ridiculous. I am one person with many people in my life whom I love and it seems utterly impossible to give everyone the time and attention that they deserve in order to be called a "friend."
I'm sick of wasting my time working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and then having 2 short days to unwind or spend time with people. I'm getting really fucking tempted to just pack up and fuck off. I want to live free without a sense of time and I want to just be happy with minimal material things because those things are shit compared to the people I love.
so I work my ass off 40 hours a week to make a minimal amount of cash when I could probably just strip for 3 hours and have everything that I need to make it through the rest of the day, or commune-it-up and work a couple hours per day tending to the fields, doing dishes, cooking, etc and still have everything I need. Why do we always feel like we have to be something big in order to be happy?
We all know the truth is that those people who strive to be the best are the most miserable of all. and even though they say they're happy, it's a facade because they're afraid to show their true emotions and feelings for fear that it will show weakness. Those people are the weakest of all, playing into the insecurities that media and society force down their throats. Always wanting to be the best, to have the nicest things, to drive the fastest car because they're not comfortable with just being who they are.
I have a craving to experience the world on my own terms. I always felt like I must have money to do anything in life, but I'm starting to realize you can do a LOT with just a little.
Meh, maybe I just have to find something that feels less like work and more like something I ACTUALLY care about....but honestly...I'm really really losing hope that there is something out there for me that is my "calling."
/endrant