Adieu.
There are two major things that I want to discuss, both deeply personal.
First, the one that occured this morning.
Johnny ran away from our house. My Dad went out to the garage to wake him up, and he wasn't out there. He told me and I was confused, because he had came home last night and watched "The Deer Hunter" with me. I called everyone who I could think of trying to find him. No luck. We then left earlier than usual in order to stop at Evelyn's house, as well as Ted's house, to see if he was at either of those places.
When we got to Evelyn's, there was a note on the doorstep from Johnny, saying how he is running away from our "shitty house" and is going to stay with his mother.
He is a fucking idiot. He's throwing away being able to graduate from high school and go to college, and for what? So he can see his girlfriend more often and to live with his meth addicted mother. He lived with her once before, and she treated him like shit. In fact, he had to be the de-facto parent of his two siblings because his sorry excuse for a mother decided to party instead of being a parent.
Well, go for it, Johnny! You threw away your best chance at life, and now you will drown in mediocrity, like the rest of your family.
I knew something like this was coming. I've known ever since all this shit with him not coming home began. I've been prepared, but I'm still angry at him. Whatever, though. Let him face the real world.
The second event has been drawn out since last week, and aches ever so much more... My best friend, Jamie, has cut her connections to me. Why? I have a few guesses, but I'm not positive. She hangs up on me when I call, she put me on ignore on AIM, and she took me off of her friends list on LJ.
Jamie, you probably won't read this, but I must say it anyway. I apologize for anything and everything I did with complete honestly. You were my best friend, and it hurts me incredibly to know that you want nothing to do with me. I'm going to miss hearing you yell my name excitedly whenever you saw me or talked to me on the phone, it made me know that I was a valued friend, and added meaning to my life.
When you hung up on me on Saturday... That was the most alone I have ever felt. Everything seemed unreal, and the world was cold.
I bear you no ill will, as this is my fault, and I know you will achieve your pursuits. Have a good life.
It has become clear to me that my life is changing rapidly, as evident from these events. As such, I am closing this journal. It is a relic of a bygone era for me, and has followed me from Illinois to Shasta College. My entire senior year of high school is documented here.
However, I'm no longer in high school.
This isn't to say that I am leaving LiveJournal, though. No, I'm going to create a new account and add most of my friends again. I hope to eventually save everything written here and compile it on a computer and on paper. This is my life, after all, and I do not want to forget.
So, this is the last post you will get from me as sp_davan. I aplogize for all the commotion, but I need to get my life figured out, as right now it is just a jumbled mess of jigsaw pieces.
But, then again, will that ever be different?
First, the one that occured this morning.
Johnny ran away from our house. My Dad went out to the garage to wake him up, and he wasn't out there. He told me and I was confused, because he had came home last night and watched "The Deer Hunter" with me. I called everyone who I could think of trying to find him. No luck. We then left earlier than usual in order to stop at Evelyn's house, as well as Ted's house, to see if he was at either of those places.
When we got to Evelyn's, there was a note on the doorstep from Johnny, saying how he is running away from our "shitty house" and is going to stay with his mother.
He is a fucking idiot. He's throwing away being able to graduate from high school and go to college, and for what? So he can see his girlfriend more often and to live with his meth addicted mother. He lived with her once before, and she treated him like shit. In fact, he had to be the de-facto parent of his two siblings because his sorry excuse for a mother decided to party instead of being a parent.
Well, go for it, Johnny! You threw away your best chance at life, and now you will drown in mediocrity, like the rest of your family.
I knew something like this was coming. I've known ever since all this shit with him not coming home began. I've been prepared, but I'm still angry at him. Whatever, though. Let him face the real world.
The second event has been drawn out since last week, and aches ever so much more... My best friend, Jamie, has cut her connections to me. Why? I have a few guesses, but I'm not positive. She hangs up on me when I call, she put me on ignore on AIM, and she took me off of her friends list on LJ.
Jamie, you probably won't read this, but I must say it anyway. I apologize for anything and everything I did with complete honestly. You were my best friend, and it hurts me incredibly to know that you want nothing to do with me. I'm going to miss hearing you yell my name excitedly whenever you saw me or talked to me on the phone, it made me know that I was a valued friend, and added meaning to my life.
When you hung up on me on Saturday... That was the most alone I have ever felt. Everything seemed unreal, and the world was cold.
I bear you no ill will, as this is my fault, and I know you will achieve your pursuits. Have a good life.
It has become clear to me that my life is changing rapidly, as evident from these events. As such, I am closing this journal. It is a relic of a bygone era for me, and has followed me from Illinois to Shasta College. My entire senior year of high school is documented here.
However, I'm no longer in high school.
This isn't to say that I am leaving LiveJournal, though. No, I'm going to create a new account and add most of my friends again. I hope to eventually save everything written here and compile it on a computer and on paper. This is my life, after all, and I do not want to forget.
So, this is the last post you will get from me as sp_davan. I aplogize for all the commotion, but I need to get my life figured out, as right now it is just a jumbled mess of jigsaw pieces.
But, then again, will that ever be different?