Annoyed
I'm tired of feeling like a drama queen. I just want my emotional life to be simple, natural.
I'm tired of feeling like a hypocrite. I'd like to hold myself to the same standards I hold everyone else to.
I'm tired of feeling like I have to give 1000%. I'm tired of feeling like not being in love isn't a good enough motivation.
Try as I might, I cannot make myself love someone I simply don't love. Neither can I make myself fall out of love with someone that I simply love. And believe me, I've tried. I stayed with cheating, abusive boyfriends because they made me feel like I hadn't tried hard enough. I tried to convince myself, on more than one occasion, that I should crush on someone else because my crush at the time didn't want me. And now, I've found that I've been attempting to give guys more of a chance than they deserve because I simply do not love them.
I dated this guy for nearly a month. Each time I saw him, I was counting down the minutes until it was over. I danced with another guy when he took me downtown to see a band. And yet, I forced myself to keep saying yes so long as he wasn't asking me Friday afternoon for a date Friday night.
I was prepared to force myself into accepting a date with some guy just because I thought I didn't deserve to be turning anyone down.
To my all time best friend: I'm sorry I didn't love you the way you wanted me to. I couldn't force myself to. I just never wanted you to feel like you weren't good enough for me. You were plenty awesome. You still are. I just didn't love you like that. And our friendship meant too much to me for me to risk it on a relationship I didn't think would work out in the end.
To all of my ex-boyfriends: I'm sorry I didn't know how to tell you I fell out of love when I first realized it. I'm sorry, for both of us, that I let you talk me into staying when I knew I should get out.
To all the boys I didn't give a chance: I'm sorry. I just didn't feel the spark. You can't understand how important that spark is to me. It's not that you don't deserve the chance...it's just that I didn't want to get into a relationship that I didn't think would work out in the end.
I'm tired of feeling like a hypocrite. I'd like to hold myself to the same standards I hold everyone else to.
I'm tired of feeling like I have to give 1000%. I'm tired of feeling like not being in love isn't a good enough motivation.
Try as I might, I cannot make myself love someone I simply don't love. Neither can I make myself fall out of love with someone that I simply love. And believe me, I've tried. I stayed with cheating, abusive boyfriends because they made me feel like I hadn't tried hard enough. I tried to convince myself, on more than one occasion, that I should crush on someone else because my crush at the time didn't want me. And now, I've found that I've been attempting to give guys more of a chance than they deserve because I simply do not love them.
I dated this guy for nearly a month. Each time I saw him, I was counting down the minutes until it was over. I danced with another guy when he took me downtown to see a band. And yet, I forced myself to keep saying yes so long as he wasn't asking me Friday afternoon for a date Friday night.
I was prepared to force myself into accepting a date with some guy just because I thought I didn't deserve to be turning anyone down.
To my all time best friend: I'm sorry I didn't love you the way you wanted me to. I couldn't force myself to. I just never wanted you to feel like you weren't good enough for me. You were plenty awesome. You still are. I just didn't love you like that. And our friendship meant too much to me for me to risk it on a relationship I didn't think would work out in the end.
To all of my ex-boyfriends: I'm sorry I didn't know how to tell you I fell out of love when I first realized it. I'm sorry, for both of us, that I let you talk me into staying when I knew I should get out.
To all the boys I didn't give a chance: I'm sorry. I just didn't feel the spark. You can't understand how important that spark is to me. It's not that you don't deserve the chance...it's just that I didn't want to get into a relationship that I didn't think would work out in the end.