Short Vignettes (AM I EVEN USING THIS WORD RIGHT!?) about LIVING WITH THE BEARABLE
I am going to try to start a collection of short stories that revolve around the dorm life. This is to give you a better understanding of the UMass dormitories, shared housing, and Me, since I don't write here as often as I should. I am not only doing this because of my sudden revelation on how everyone does not know my "status" (a reference to Maddie, my beautiful Mexican Queen), but also to procrastinate on bigger and better educational demands. I hope you enjoy them. Remember that I am going to try (I don't feel like bolding, italicizing, and underlining it) to keep this up. Now... ONWARD TO STUPIDITY!
In a most fortunate day while the janitor methodically cleaned the communal bathrooms, I decided to take a poop. I set my internal alarm clock to 11:30, so that I could be right in front of the bathroom just as the janitor finishes up. In the meantime, I couldn't do any academic work of any kind because in order to be one with Textbooks, I must clear my bowels. So I made cat macros.
When my internal alarm clock chimed in a vibrating frequency very similar to the peristalsis I was feeling in my digestive tract, I went to the bathroom. To my surprise the janitor finished early and I already found people hustling and bustling with faces that read, "I'm empty and ready to eat!" and "I finished my toilet book. Now what?" Sadden that my privacy was invaded, I walked to the toilet that everyone silently agreed was where people go to defecate. As I did my ritual of sanitizing the shit out of the toilet seat, I noticed a smell. It was an odd pungent smell that meant someone either just did their business either here or right next door. I didn't mind it until I noticed an underlying scent which could have been only detected if one was to double-olfactory-take. It was the smell of smoke.
Two thoughts immediately formed in my mind:
1. Did someone smoke a cigarette while expunging their remains of last night's dinner through their exit only orifice?
2. Did someone poop smoke!?
I pondered about these two thoughts quite retentively as I relieved myself. I brainstormed possibilities and reviewed the excretory system while actually experiencing the phenomenon. The thought process was a truly amazing ordeal. At the end of my journey, the only thing I came up with was a guide on how to tell if your friend is a habitual smoker. Sadly, anyone who cannot smell and does not have access to their friend's last used toilet will not be able to use this guide.
In a most fortunate day while the janitor methodically cleaned the communal bathrooms, I decided to take a poop. I set my internal alarm clock to 11:30, so that I could be right in front of the bathroom just as the janitor finishes up. In the meantime, I couldn't do any academic work of any kind because in order to be one with Textbooks, I must clear my bowels. So I made cat macros.
When my internal alarm clock chimed in a vibrating frequency very similar to the peristalsis I was feeling in my digestive tract, I went to the bathroom. To my surprise the janitor finished early and I already found people hustling and bustling with faces that read, "I'm empty and ready to eat!" and "I finished my toilet book. Now what?" Sadden that my privacy was invaded, I walked to the toilet that everyone silently agreed was where people go to defecate. As I did my ritual of sanitizing the shit out of the toilet seat, I noticed a smell. It was an odd pungent smell that meant someone either just did their business either here or right next door. I didn't mind it until I noticed an underlying scent which could have been only detected if one was to double-olfactory-take. It was the smell of smoke.
Two thoughts immediately formed in my mind:
1. Did someone smoke a cigarette while expunging their remains of last night's dinner through their exit only orifice?
2. Did someone poop smoke!?
I pondered about these two thoughts quite retentively as I relieved myself. I brainstormed possibilities and reviewed the excretory system while actually experiencing the phenomenon. The thought process was a truly amazing ordeal. At the end of my journey, the only thing I came up with was a guide on how to tell if your friend is a habitual smoker. Sadly, anyone who cannot smell and does not have access to their friend's last used toilet will not be able to use this guide.