im back
and not so happy :(
its been a long time.. sorry :) i got a notebook that kinda suplied this thing (is that the word?). i still have it... its a journal kinda, but... its not "dear diary" its.. "cesar:" jaja... yeah.. i write to him everyday. before that, i just wrote random words :)
mmmmm lots of things had hapened. I lost my best friend. i made it through the finals and well. I got a new friend, Frida, she is very intelligent, and nice; she thinks quite like me most of the times... MOST.. almost every time. What else? I got a lot of time, since we are in summer break. I got into a lot of fights with my mother, since im home more time than i used to when i was on classes.
cesar, my soul mate (but not the love of my life i think), doesnt want to even hear my name. he wishes he never knew me. and the worse part is, that i dont know how to stop that thing thats in me, and wont let me be... constant? or the thing thats in me that wont let me realize that i dont love him, and will let me go free, without wanting to come back again.
right now, i know.. at least now, i cant be with nobody, no matter how perfect i think it could get. i guess... im too immature? what? does this happen with everyone and im weaker or something? they can take it and i just break too soon? whatever it is, the trouble is in me. SAD! theres no way im gonna be back with him... he is too good for this. no way.
he was very pissed of when i he found out that i didnt want to listen my Mellon Collie album.. he gave it to me as a present, and.. i dont want the most valuable object i have to be "tainted" by some shit thats not permanent. i wanted to listen to it later, when things got better... when he found out he said "so, all we got out of it was bad memories..." i was super pissed.. O_O of course not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ..that made me think he regrets what happened. I dont. the only part i do regret is the way it ended. i did it, i know. but... it could have been better. ..and.. if i got another chance, i would have waited a bit before everything happened. it wouldnt have been so complicated. but, i would do it again. yes.
and i miss him. so so much :( but i cant do it. he doesnt want to anyway.
... :| fuck
its been a long time.. sorry :) i got a notebook that kinda suplied this thing (is that the word?). i still have it... its a journal kinda, but... its not "dear diary" its.. "cesar:" jaja... yeah.. i write to him everyday. before that, i just wrote random words :)
mmmmm lots of things had hapened. I lost my best friend. i made it through the finals and well. I got a new friend, Frida, she is very intelligent, and nice; she thinks quite like me most of the times... MOST.. almost every time. What else? I got a lot of time, since we are in summer break. I got into a lot of fights with my mother, since im home more time than i used to when i was on classes.
cesar, my soul mate (but not the love of my life i think), doesnt want to even hear my name. he wishes he never knew me. and the worse part is, that i dont know how to stop that thing thats in me, and wont let me be... constant? or the thing thats in me that wont let me realize that i dont love him, and will let me go free, without wanting to come back again.
right now, i know.. at least now, i cant be with nobody, no matter how perfect i think it could get. i guess... im too immature? what? does this happen with everyone and im weaker or something? they can take it and i just break too soon? whatever it is, the trouble is in me. SAD! theres no way im gonna be back with him... he is too good for this. no way.
he was very pissed of when i he found out that i didnt want to listen my Mellon Collie album.. he gave it to me as a present, and.. i dont want the most valuable object i have to be "tainted" by some shit thats not permanent. i wanted to listen to it later, when things got better... when he found out he said "so, all we got out of it was bad memories..." i was super pissed.. O_O of course not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ..that made me think he regrets what happened. I dont. the only part i do regret is the way it ended. i did it, i know. but... it could have been better. ..and.. if i got another chance, i would have waited a bit before everything happened. it wouldnt have been so complicated. but, i would do it again. yes.
and i miss him. so so much :( but i cant do it. he doesnt want to anyway.
... :| fuck