Claire's (exceedingly calm) tirade
Prompted by discussion, I've been thinking recently about the mythology of sex: how it's always tender and perfect, and how once two people decided to do it they enter into a higher state where insecurities, awkwardness, emotional troubles, and confusion all go away: they both know exactly what to do, and both do it well, leaving everybody satisfied. It goes without saying that their sex is always traditional, vaginal sex. Maybe fellatio is alluded to now and again, or even more rarely cunnilingus, but the "sex-sex" is always the main thing, the part everyone likes best. And besides all that, sex somehow also results in emotional intimacy.
Speaking from experience, I would like to respond: hurr? Whuzzat? Explica! Because, dear reader, that seems pretty stupid to me.
Tender and perfect: yeah, right. This is one of those thingst that's only true in the advertisements, and then you get the real thing (home appliance, person you are attracted to, whatever) in your home (again, kitchen, bedroom, etc) and you're just like, what the fuck! Is this thing still under warranty? It's not just that some people aren't very smooth -- it's that it doesn't take place on a goddamn cloud. It actually involves two people positioning their bodies and the discomfort that that entails, and probably there's rather more grappling than one has been led to believe, not to mention (hopefully) sweat and all.
Everything goes away: dear me, would that it were so. Friends, this is where drugs are your best bet.
Everyone is good at sex: First of all, I can't even figure out how women *can* be good at (traditional) sex, which means I must be terrible at it. I understand there's supposed to be lots more touching and foreplay of some kind, but I don't see how that's possible when one of you is on top of the other, quite effectively smooshing the two of you together. I can quite understand the being good at oral sex thing, naturally, and I'm pretty sure that if you've got a solid grounding in theory, you start out pretty good and can only improve. Unless you require braces, in which case... you poor soul.
Everybody is satisfed: False. Need we discuss this further?
It's all about the vagina: Says who? It seems very odd to me that people (not to put too fine a point on it, but particularly people with penises) see this as the only "real" kind of sex. There are other kinds! Sometimes, or for some people, they are better. Not everyone has to have normal sex, either -- this includes homosexuality, BSDM, pretty much any of the sexual minorities (you know, stuff that freaks out the squares). Put that in your pipes and... well, nevermind. Let's not even finish that thought.
Sex will lead to emotional intimacy -- this one is furthest (leftest?) out from left field. Sex can be a roadblock to intimacy in the wrong situation. I guess what my frustration here is mostly is that nobody wants to admit that sex is just an act that two people can do, and doesn't change or solve anything at all really except getting people's rocks off (and sometimes not even that; see above). It really is the one thing in our culture that still is supposedly magical, a cure-all for emotional or relationshippy issues. Bah!, I say. Someone needs to give the public a slap across the face.
Speaking from experience, I would like to respond: hurr? Whuzzat? Explica! Because, dear reader, that seems pretty stupid to me.
Tender and perfect: yeah, right. This is one of those thingst that's only true in the advertisements, and then you get the real thing (home appliance, person you are attracted to, whatever) in your home (again, kitchen, bedroom, etc) and you're just like, what the fuck! Is this thing still under warranty? It's not just that some people aren't very smooth -- it's that it doesn't take place on a goddamn cloud. It actually involves two people positioning their bodies and the discomfort that that entails, and probably there's rather more grappling than one has been led to believe, not to mention (hopefully) sweat and all.
Everything goes away: dear me, would that it were so. Friends, this is where drugs are your best bet.
Everyone is good at sex: First of all, I can't even figure out how women *can* be good at (traditional) sex, which means I must be terrible at it. I understand there's supposed to be lots more touching and foreplay of some kind, but I don't see how that's possible when one of you is on top of the other, quite effectively smooshing the two of you together. I can quite understand the being good at oral sex thing, naturally, and I'm pretty sure that if you've got a solid grounding in theory, you start out pretty good and can only improve. Unless you require braces, in which case... you poor soul.
Everybody is satisfed: False. Need we discuss this further?
It's all about the vagina: Says who? It seems very odd to me that people (not to put too fine a point on it, but particularly people with penises) see this as the only "real" kind of sex. There are other kinds! Sometimes, or for some people, they are better. Not everyone has to have normal sex, either -- this includes homosexuality, BSDM, pretty much any of the sexual minorities (you know, stuff that freaks out the squares). Put that in your pipes and... well, nevermind. Let's not even finish that thought.
Sex will lead to emotional intimacy -- this one is furthest (leftest?) out from left field. Sex can be a roadblock to intimacy in the wrong situation. I guess what my frustration here is mostly is that nobody wants to admit that sex is just an act that two people can do, and doesn't change or solve anything at all really except getting people's rocks off (and sometimes not even that; see above). It really is the one thing in our culture that still is supposedly magical, a cure-all for emotional or relationshippy issues. Bah!, I say. Someone needs to give the public a slap across the face.