KHAAAAAAANNNN!!!!
Okay, my three nemeses:
1. Rachel Ray:
Come on, you know she's a scary bitch off-camera. She's way too perky to be real. Plus, all her shows are bullshit. Eating for $40 dollars a day? Wow, what a challenge. $10 a day and you might have a show. And 30-minute meals, where she shares inside tips like (are you ready for this?) use spaghetti sauce from a can to save time and effort! Wow. Just... wow.
2. Applebee's:
This one isn't just me being crazy. Applebee's just sucks, for realz. I expected them to be just another of what a friend of mine ingeniously dubbed "the Flair restaurants" (after Office Space), but the few times I've gone there, their service has been unbelievably bad. Like, an hour for a hamburger, and one time a friend of mine never got her meal and it was HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY PARTY bad. Also, one time, I ordered this Vegetarian Vegetable Pizza? And there was bacon in it. Let that sink in for a moment.
3. Winter
Yeah, snow is pretty for about ten minutes. Then you have to shovel the fucking car off and your back doesn't forgive you for like a week (no matter how much you plead or how many chocolates and roses you buy). And then everything is icy, and if you go outside there's a good chance of falling over and scraping yourself to hell (my balance is for shit). And you need big poofy coats outdoors (and if it's one of those days, boots and hats and scarves and mittens and your faces still freezes the fuck off), and even indoors you need sweaters and slippers, especially if your family doesn't believe in heat (mine does not). Every time you wake up and have to get out of bed, it's fucking frigid. Even getting up to go to the bathroom, your poor toes freeze. And snow is real pretty, but when it touches you? That shit is burning-cold. And all the while the days shorten until there's like eight goddamn hours of sunlight a day. Yeah, fuck you Winter.
sidenote: baby carrots? More like TASTELESS carrots, amirite? Yeah, they suck.
1. Rachel Ray:
Come on, you know she's a scary bitch off-camera. She's way too perky to be real. Plus, all her shows are bullshit. Eating for $40 dollars a day? Wow, what a challenge. $10 a day and you might have a show. And 30-minute meals, where she shares inside tips like (are you ready for this?) use spaghetti sauce from a can to save time and effort! Wow. Just... wow.
2. Applebee's:
This one isn't just me being crazy. Applebee's just sucks, for realz. I expected them to be just another of what a friend of mine ingeniously dubbed "the Flair restaurants" (after Office Space), but the few times I've gone there, their service has been unbelievably bad. Like, an hour for a hamburger, and one time a friend of mine never got her meal and it was HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY PARTY bad. Also, one time, I ordered this Vegetarian Vegetable Pizza? And there was bacon in it. Let that sink in for a moment.
3. Winter
Yeah, snow is pretty for about ten minutes. Then you have to shovel the fucking car off and your back doesn't forgive you for like a week (no matter how much you plead or how many chocolates and roses you buy). And then everything is icy, and if you go outside there's a good chance of falling over and scraping yourself to hell (my balance is for shit). And you need big poofy coats outdoors (and if it's one of those days, boots and hats and scarves and mittens and your faces still freezes the fuck off), and even indoors you need sweaters and slippers, especially if your family doesn't believe in heat (mine does not). Every time you wake up and have to get out of bed, it's fucking frigid. Even getting up to go to the bathroom, your poor toes freeze. And snow is real pretty, but when it touches you? That shit is burning-cold. And all the while the days shorten until there's like eight goddamn hours of sunlight a day. Yeah, fuck you Winter.
sidenote: baby carrots? More like TASTELESS carrots, amirite? Yeah, they suck.