The Island (2005)
Its difficult to write a review of The Island without spoilers, since there's a Big Secret kept from the characters, but it falls away before the first act is over. The secret is revealed by Steve Buscemi, who plays the exposition fairy, magically appearing to explain to the main characters and audience exactly what is going on. This helps us all forget about the Logans Run / Soilent Green introduction and lets us enjoy the many and varied car crashes that make up the rest of the movie.
Apparently the phrase "Directed by Michael Bay" translates as "if you see a vehicle in this movie, you can be sure that it will be involved in a high-speed collision." And once the film fully sheds its futuristic dystopia jumpsuit, that is literally true. I am confident that knowing that fact before seeing the movie actually enhances your enjoyment. Futuristic police car? Glad you asked, smash it up! Mobile armored command center? Flip that bitch! Rocket-cycle? Oh yessssss.
Absurdly, one character boasts about the luxury and expense of his vehicle--that would get a car riddled with bullets and crushed by a locomotive in a movie directed by Ron Howard, never mind Mike "Let's blow shit up" Bay. The director now famous for directing CGI cars that turn into robots that smash each other without the need for human interfaces even steals the best scene from his magnum opus Bad Boys II. If I had the power, I would bind Mr. Bay to a restraining order that required him to include in every movie, a chase scene where the massive cargo from a tractor trailer is released into the pursuers.
Bafflingly, the dumped cargo in The Island is a shipment of iron wheels and axles from old fashioned railroad cars. In the previous scene we see our heroes taking the hovertrain from the middle of nowhere into Los Angeles, where floating monorails crowd the skyline. The train wheels must have been recently decommissioned, to recycle into some fast streamlined vehicles for smashing.
Even helicopters are not safe from corporate logos!
I can't wrap up without mentioning the ever present product placement. Barely five minutes pass in The Island without some corporate logo being shoved into your face, with all the subtlety of, well, a high speed car crash. The logos float there, center screen, long enough for you to read them out loud in a Phil Hartman voice if the mood takes you. This is really an unpleasant detail in a movie where the strongest message is "humans should not be considered products to buy and sell." Well, the strongest message after the message "car crashes are COOL!"
Apparently the phrase "Directed by Michael Bay" translates as "if you see a vehicle in this movie, you can be sure that it will be involved in a high-speed collision." And once the film fully sheds its futuristic dystopia jumpsuit, that is literally true. I am confident that knowing that fact before seeing the movie actually enhances your enjoyment. Futuristic police car? Glad you asked, smash it up! Mobile armored command center? Flip that bitch! Rocket-cycle? Oh yessssss.
Absurdly, one character boasts about the luxury and expense of his vehicle--that would get a car riddled with bullets and crushed by a locomotive in a movie directed by Ron Howard, never mind Mike "Let's blow shit up" Bay. The director now famous for directing CGI cars that turn into robots that smash each other without the need for human interfaces even steals the best scene from his magnum opus Bad Boys II. If I had the power, I would bind Mr. Bay to a restraining order that required him to include in every movie, a chase scene where the massive cargo from a tractor trailer is released into the pursuers.
Bafflingly, the dumped cargo in The Island is a shipment of iron wheels and axles from old fashioned railroad cars. In the previous scene we see our heroes taking the hovertrain from the middle of nowhere into Los Angeles, where floating monorails crowd the skyline. The train wheels must have been recently decommissioned, to recycle into some fast streamlined vehicles for smashing.
Even helicopters are not safe from corporate logos!
I can't wrap up without mentioning the ever present product placement. Barely five minutes pass in The Island without some corporate logo being shoved into your face, with all the subtlety of, well, a high speed car crash. The logos float there, center screen, long enough for you to read them out loud in a Phil Hartman voice if the mood takes you. This is really an unpleasant detail in a movie where the strongest message is "humans should not be considered products to buy and sell." Well, the strongest message after the message "car crashes are COOL!"