Epic Update - Part 2
If I understand correctly, I’m pretty sure you need to have the connect thing enabled in account settings, no? Someone tell me that is true. o_0 Otherwise, my twitter and facebook wouldn’t even have a connection to each other to be linked in any way. There’s a reason I did it that way, LJ!! Ugh.
Ok, now that I’ve stopped breathing into a paper bag over this, I’m giving myself 30 minutes to continue epic update post. Let’s see how far I get. Where was I?
So...I haz boy. *gasp* We’ve been together for a little while now, longer than it feels like that’s for sure. It will be 8 months in 10 days. Not that we count every month anniversary or anything. *looks shifty* What?? I know, I give myself a toothache sometimes. I can’t help it! I’m actually…dare I say…happy?! After the experiences I have had with men (using the term loosely) in the past two years, or even longer for that matter, not to mention after the crap that took me plenty of time, healing and therapy to get over - its about flippin’ time. I didn’t think I’d ever get to this place in my life again so I consider it - him - a blessing.
We almost didn’t happen either. I’ve known him, Robert, for almost 3 years. I remember when I first met him actually and it was one of those things. He caught my attention, I was slightly intrigued by him but at the same time no where near interested but when I look back on it, I can kinda see it. Does that make sense? Anyway, at some point it became obvious that he was interested and I wouldn’t give the man the time of day. I was battling my own demons related to men and I didn’t have time or inclination for that nonsense. He asked me out a couple times, each time I turned him down. Once last summer he asked and I said yes but then changed my mind at sort of the last minute and canceled. *head desk* He never asked again. Matter of fact, I didn’t see him much after that for a while and when I did, he was somewhat stand-offish. Duh.
For this past New Years Eve my friend Rachel (in the process of going through a divorce) and I decided we weren’t gonna fall into the bullshit of festivities but instead would have ourselves a low-key mini party of our own. Us, some SPN, take out and a bottle…or three of wine. Then we ended up inviting a couple other people and planning a “food, friends, leave your car keys in the basket on the way in” slumber party. Well, in the process of inviting another friend of mine (a conversation in which Robert happened to be within earshot of) I kinda ended up inviting him. I felt bad to not include him in the conversation of course. I’m a HORRIBLE PERSON!!!!! So it went kinda went like this:
Me: So, what are you up to NYE? (assuming he had plans)
Him: Nothing yet.
Me: *crap*
Me: Soooo, me and my friend are kinda throwing a small Anti-New Years Eve Party at her house. Ya know, if ya wanna come and stuff, but you have to be able to spend the night because ya know, driving after midnight kinda dangerous and all, even if you don’t drink yourself. (fully assuming he would say no, especially with the slumber party clause and knowing he has a daughter)
Him: Ok, sure.
Me: *CRAP*
*dramatic pause while I dawn the deer in headlights look*
Me: *recovers* What about Jessica?
Him: *grins* At her mom’s. School vacation week.
Me: *smiles* Oh. Cool. *crap*
As it turns out, we really hit it off. Or maybe that was just my head hitting the floor when I somehow drank too much and before he picked me up and put me to bed - like a total gentleman - not really sure. Hey, I’m telling you, I was in a rough place at the time dammit! I turned the man down three times over the course of a year and a half, all but stood him up once, and then basically puked my guts up during our first “date”. So you can see why he would think he really had a winner in me, yes?? *bats eyelashes*
We had our first kiss that night, too. Prior to the throwing up thankfully.
I spent the next 10 days totally FREAKING the hell out because he still liked me, I actually realized I liked him and was terrified and because I was trying to figure out how to get out of this mess. We hung out a little during those days, had a lot of long, late night conversations and stuff before I finally decided to give it a shot. It was rough going at first. I was still having a very hard time with lots of things, plenty of panic attacks and freak outs and yet, he was there every step of the way. The very fact that he would even do that, or want to be with me at all would sometimes be what caused them in the first place! I couldn’t figure out why in the world…but there he was. Too good to be true. And here we are 8 months later and he still is too good to be true. Most of the time anyway. Well, c’mon. After 8 months, reality sets in at least a LITTLE. ;-)
Flash forward from January to now - we live together. That just happened within the last month actually that I moved in. I’ve gone through most of the “It’s hard to live with a boy!!” whining now and there’s no doubt that it’s worth it. I never really knew what it was like to have a real, grown-up relationship, you know, that both people participate in and that involves all those cool things like support, respect, compromise, loyalty, trust and love.
I know, I’m being somewhat cynical of the past and I do realize, it is what it is and it’s the past for a reason. But seriously, guys, with all of the ups and downs, inevitable bad days but much more frequent good ones - I think I found him.
And I haz a happy. *glows*
Ok, now that I’ve stopped breathing into a paper bag over this, I’m giving myself 30 minutes to continue epic update post. Let’s see how far I get. Where was I?
So...I haz boy. *gasp* We’ve been together for a little while now, longer than it feels like that’s for sure. It will be 8 months in 10 days. Not that we count every month anniversary or anything. *looks shifty* What?? I know, I give myself a toothache sometimes. I can’t help it! I’m actually…dare I say…happy?! After the experiences I have had with men (using the term loosely) in the past two years, or even longer for that matter, not to mention after the crap that took me plenty of time, healing and therapy to get over - its about flippin’ time. I didn’t think I’d ever get to this place in my life again so I consider it - him - a blessing.
We almost didn’t happen either. I’ve known him, Robert, for almost 3 years. I remember when I first met him actually and it was one of those things. He caught my attention, I was slightly intrigued by him but at the same time no where near interested but when I look back on it, I can kinda see it. Does that make sense? Anyway, at some point it became obvious that he was interested and I wouldn’t give the man the time of day. I was battling my own demons related to men and I didn’t have time or inclination for that nonsense. He asked me out a couple times, each time I turned him down. Once last summer he asked and I said yes but then changed my mind at sort of the last minute and canceled. *head desk* He never asked again. Matter of fact, I didn’t see him much after that for a while and when I did, he was somewhat stand-offish. Duh.
For this past New Years Eve my friend Rachel (in the process of going through a divorce) and I decided we weren’t gonna fall into the bullshit of festivities but instead would have ourselves a low-key mini party of our own. Us, some SPN, take out and a bottle…or three of wine. Then we ended up inviting a couple other people and planning a “food, friends, leave your car keys in the basket on the way in” slumber party. Well, in the process of inviting another friend of mine (a conversation in which Robert happened to be within earshot of) I kinda ended up inviting him. I felt bad to not include him in the conversation of course. I’m a HORRIBLE PERSON!!!!! So it went kinda went like this:
Me: So, what are you up to NYE? (assuming he had plans)
Him: Nothing yet.
Me: *crap*
Me: Soooo, me and my friend are kinda throwing a small Anti-New Years Eve Party at her house. Ya know, if ya wanna come and stuff, but you have to be able to spend the night because ya know, driving after midnight kinda dangerous and all, even if you don’t drink yourself. (fully assuming he would say no, especially with the slumber party clause and knowing he has a daughter)
Him: Ok, sure.
Me: *CRAP*
*dramatic pause while I dawn the deer in headlights look*
Me: *recovers* What about Jessica?
Him: *grins* At her mom’s. School vacation week.
Me: *smiles* Oh. Cool. *crap*
As it turns out, we really hit it off. Or maybe that was just my head hitting the floor when I somehow drank too much and before he picked me up and put me to bed - like a total gentleman - not really sure. Hey, I’m telling you, I was in a rough place at the time dammit! I turned the man down three times over the course of a year and a half, all but stood him up once, and then basically puked my guts up during our first “date”. So you can see why he would think he really had a winner in me, yes?? *bats eyelashes*
We had our first kiss that night, too. Prior to the throwing up thankfully.
I spent the next 10 days totally FREAKING the hell out because he still liked me, I actually realized I liked him and was terrified and because I was trying to figure out how to get out of this mess. We hung out a little during those days, had a lot of long, late night conversations and stuff before I finally decided to give it a shot. It was rough going at first. I was still having a very hard time with lots of things, plenty of panic attacks and freak outs and yet, he was there every step of the way. The very fact that he would even do that, or want to be with me at all would sometimes be what caused them in the first place! I couldn’t figure out why in the world…but there he was. Too good to be true. And here we are 8 months later and he still is too good to be true. Most of the time anyway. Well, c’mon. After 8 months, reality sets in at least a LITTLE. ;-)
Flash forward from January to now - we live together. That just happened within the last month actually that I moved in. I’ve gone through most of the “It’s hard to live with a boy!!” whining now and there’s no doubt that it’s worth it. I never really knew what it was like to have a real, grown-up relationship, you know, that both people participate in and that involves all those cool things like support, respect, compromise, loyalty, trust and love.
I know, I’m being somewhat cynical of the past and I do realize, it is what it is and it’s the past for a reason. But seriously, guys, with all of the ups and downs, inevitable bad days but much more frequent good ones - I think I found him.
And I haz a happy. *glows*