Season 1 Ep. 2, Nanny McDead
This marked the first case in which Cassl and Bekt were officially partners. And yeah. The rest is history.
Episode 1x02, Nanny McDead
Ah, flying shot of Manhattan. So lovely. So picturesque. We see an unattended cell phone ringing. And, um, a body spinning around in a dryer. Uff da. Imma guess that load will have to be re-washed.
But first, the important part: Cassl and Bekt. Who, I might point out, are currently wearing shirts that kind of match today. It’s adorable.
We’re at the 12th now, watching the police legal rep droning on, telling Cassl No Matter How Much Bad Shit Happens To You, You Cannot Sue Our Asses. I Mean It. An unhappy Bekt watches. Observe the look she’s giving CasslPuppy:
This look can be loosely translated as I Am Going To Shoot You In The Face If You Do Not Stop Stalking Me And Calling It Research.
Legal Bob is generally oblivious to the crackling sexual tension of hatred, and continues his droning. “If you get killed - ”
“- my lifeless remains cannot sue the city?”
“Your heirs, Mr. Cassl.”
Bekt has entirely lost patience with this entire proceeding, because though Puppy is hot and sporting the Scruff Of Yum, she’s not yet adjusted to the fact that her future husband is going to spend the next several seasons following her around, whining for attention. “Do I have to wait for him to sign, or can I shoot him now?” Legal Bob ignores her. Cassl shoots her a brief grin of You’re Kinda Sexy When You Threaten Lethal Violence.
Bekt’s all My Life Sucks. We, on the other hand, are delighted. Sorry, Bekt. I’m on Puppy’s team right now.
BektPhone rings. Bekt answers. I smell the delicate hint of Plot…
Cassl watches, confused, as she makes for the door. “Wait, where are you going?”
“I have work to do.”
Cassl brightens. “What, we have a case?”
“No. I have a case. You have paperwork.”
ZING.
Bekt slides out the door mocking him, and if that scene doesn’t prove that they will someday have flirty playful naked sexytime, well then, I don’t know what does.
Bekt’s off to the Laundry Room Of Death. Sweet, adorable Irish tells her some old lady discovered the body of the young woman stuffed into the dryer. Old Lady was tired of waiting for the dryer, so she opened it to remove the stuff but found the body. Yikes. And here is my sweet Espo. “If that’s not a cautionary tale about poking around someone else’s laundry, I don’t know what is.”
Irish scoffs. “Dude, there is an etiquette involved. If the clothes are dry, Mrs. Rosenberg had every right to put them in the basket.”
[I am with Irish on this one, btw. If there are no other dryers free, you wait ten to fifteen minutes to be polite and then you set that shit on a counter or something and put yours in really fast so the person doesn’t come back and see you. After all, the clothes are perfectly clean.]
The Bros argue about laundry, because they are Teh Cute, while our girl Bekt actually, you know, does police stuff like look at the crime scene. Espo gripes about other people touching his underwear. Bekt just grins. “I thought you went commando, Esposito.”
He shrugs. “Seasonal thing.” Um…I don’t even know what to do about that.
Bekt tells them to get the CSI lackeys to come pick up the crumpled bleach bottle and check the bloodstain on the floor and just generally investigate the shit out of stuff. Irish scribbles it all down into his little notepad, and I love him for it. I just do, okay? Irish says the dead girl is the nanny for one of the families in the building.
DING. Elevator doors open to show our girl Bekt swinging her arms, shoulders scrunched, like Oh Boy, I Get To Investigate A Murder Today! She is adorable and don’t fight me on it, okay? But her good mood vanishes as she sees…Cassl waiting for her. He signed everything really, really fast so he could catch up to her and they could officially consummate their new partnership. And yes, I was delicately referring to The Sex there.
He’s miffed she tried to ditch him (although I think they could probably overcome this with lots of sexual healing) but since the show is, well, named after him, obviously Montgomery told him how to follow her.
She fake-smiles and stalks off down the hallway…only to have smug Puppy clear his throat and point the other way. She pauses a moment to remind herself that shooting him right here would be too hard to hide, then follows his directions. “Exactly how much longer do I have to expect you to be shadowing me on my cases like this?” Well, that depends, Bekt. How long is it going to take him to get into your pants?
“Hard to say. When I’m writing a new character, there’s no telling when inspiration might strike.”
BektSass, complete with hair swirl, as they approach a door of Plot. “I thought I was your inspiration.”
“Oh, you are, Detective, and in so many ways.” And here we find the first of many times Cassl will not-very-subtly tell her Oh, BTW, I When I Think About You I Touch Myself.
“Yeah, well, your inspiration might strike you sooner than you think.” HAAAAAA. She’s gonna slap him. He just grins, because she’s really hot when she’s restraining the urge to shoot him.
BektKnock; the knock, she is brisk and purposeful and generally awesome. As they wait, Cassl rattles off the victim’s name, says she’s been working for the Petersons for two years. Bekt shoots him the BektLook of Bitch, You Best Not Speak. Naturally, he does not listen. “Doorman is a huge fan of my work.”
Bekt continues to lazerbeam him with BektEyes of I Do NOT Have The Patience For This, but happily for CasslPuppy, the door opens before she can completely vaporize him. It’s the mom. Bekt does the Badgeflash of Justice. “Detective Kate Bekt, NYPD.” WHAT UP YO.
She goes in, with Puppy following blithely. “Richard Cassl, just - NY.” Twenty points to Ravenclaw. Although it would’ve been a hundred if he’d said Cap’n Mal Reynolds of the Serenity. I’m just sayin’.
Opening screen. It tells me Yes, Soxie. You Will Love This Show. Watch ALL THE EPISODES.
Nanny’s employers tell Bekt and Cassl that Nanny was great with their son, very dependable, etc. they explain their routine, and if you look, you can see Cassl watching them closely. He’s reading body language. Because he does it, we start doing it too…I notice immediately as Husband shifts closer to Wife. It makes me feel awkward. And tells me that Cassl is a keen observer of human behavior. He’s yet another wonderful example of the Sherlock Holmes mold, a male lead who sees everything.
(And that just generally makes me want him more.)
Sorry, long tangent in that paragraph. But sure enough, I notice that Husband is awkward about telling our Hot Brunettes that he was home for dinner with Nanny and Son last night.
Cassl, tired of sitting back, decides to ignore the Eyes Of Certain Death and talk. Asks if Nanny was having personal problems, boyfriend, etc. Bekt shoots him a look of Puppy Shut UPPPPPPPPP but again, he blithely ignores it. I think he thinks if he gets her angry enough, she’s going to grab him, drag him into the nearest empty room and have hot hatred sex with him.
Bekt (whose red coat is really bringing me joy) tries to talk them down with vague assurances that they can’t be sure what happened…but no, my girl. It wasn’t just a break-in. That would only fill like half an episode, and how would you and Cassl stay occupied for the rest of it?
…
…
…
…you know what, maybe it was a break-in.
But Husband and Wife mention that Nanny broke up with her boyfriend Bob a month ago. So there’s that.
Bekt is ready to shoo Puppy out the door - maybe kick him, if need be - but asks them how to reach Nanny’s parents. They give her Nanny’s bag and jacket, which are still sitting on a chair.
Back in the elevator, Cassl is demoted to purseholder as Bekt digs through the purse, looking for Nanny’s cell phone. No luck there. But Bekt pulls out the wallet, finds Nanny’s driver’s license from Georgia. Cassl looks suddenly sad. “Are you really the one who has to call her parents?”
“Easier to write about than to live through, huh, Castle?” Saaaaaaaaaad. And just the tiniest shade of foreshadowing the tragedy in Bekt’s life that we’ll find out later in this season. This show is the best damn thing ever, people.
Back to the precinct, where Bekt and her new interactive teddy bear exit the elevator where they will someday have crazy hot sex. Don’t argue. They will. Cassl immediately perks up. “Three men huddled around a computer? That better not be porn, and if it is, I want in.”
Nope. Espo, Ryan (in a leather jacket…rawrrrrr) and Montgomery are watching security vid footage from the elevator in the building where Nanny was killed. Much less exciting. On the other hand, also much less NSFW.
HOLY CRAP. Bekt just walked over and leaned down to watch the screen, and Cassl’s behind her, and I swear, he just tried to stare at her ass. No luck, since she’s wearing a long coat. But srsly. He tried. I saw it.
They discover that Nanny had her phone at first, but on her last trip down to the laundry room, she didn’t have it. Hmm. Also, there’s no one in the elevator with black clothes, a ski mask, a dementor costume, a Dark Mark, The Grim, a Nazi uniform, a creepy monocle, or a sign that says I’M THE KILLER or DEATH TO NANNIES. Well, it was worth a try.
Cassl’s bored with the actual police-y stuff, so he starts pacing, looking pensive and thoughtful and OH so damn sexy with his scraggly hair and just yum and you really need to not judge me for how fucking hot season 1 Cassl is.
Cassl suggests they check out all the neighbors. Bekt’s all, WTF? Cassl’s all, it’d be a good story. Bekt does a GIANT fucking eyeroll and armfold of Puppy, Why Are You Talking? But he sticks to his guns. People don’t really know their neighbors. It’s true, yo. I know two of the other twenty tenants in my building. Only one by name. The other one’s just that one guy I played that one show with last year.
And Cassl turns into the Sexy Storyteller… “What about the guy in 8B?” WHO? “8 B. Quiet guy. See him every day, only, you never notice him. But he noticed Nanny. She’s young, beautiful. The kind of girl a guy like him would never have a chance with - we all know girls like that, don’t we?” He sends Bekt a pointed glance of Have Sex With Me, Please?, and she purses her lips, which I hope means OK, Fine. The Bros grin a little, because Big Sister’s got a boyfriend now…
Cassl, in this soft, storytelling bedroom voice that is doing all sorts of good things to my body, spins this tale of Creepy Hypothetical Fucker Bob from 8B, who started stalking Nanny, confronted her in the laundry room, accidentally killed her, and tucked her in the dryer before quietly disappearing again. Apparently Bekt, too, is having sexy thoughts about that Spank Me, Baby voice of his, because as he talks, her face softens, her eyes fluttering, her mouth falling open, and yeah. She’s totally into him. He is going to have absolutely no problem seducing her someday.
There’s this long silent moment, during which everyone just stares at Hot Cassl and Bekt’s eyes flicker a little as she imagines all these incredibly dirty scenarios in which she might get to hear that soft, low, breathy voice of his again…
But then he kills the mood. “Just sayin’. Better story. Coffee?”
He bolts for caffeine, and Bekt gets this little smile, like Wow, I Was Totally Just Turned On By Cassl’s Sex Voice But I Think I Hid It Well Enough, But I Kind Of Want A Cigarette Now. Montgomery yells for everyone to do police-y shit and “SOMEONE better tell me who the hell lives in 8B!”
Aaaaaaaaaaaand Casslhaus, where Lex’s hair is making me so very, very jealous. Lex is busily putting away leftovers from Hurricane Martha’s cooking; Cassl helps. Lex is still agog at Papa Cassl’s new “job.” “You really are turning into a cop.”
“Yeah?” He does that adorable excited grin he does:
Just…I love him. And I love his shirts. Especially when he decides to leave them open like this.
Lex asks why she never had a nanny - it’s legit; they’re insanely wealthy - but Cassl says they never needed one (he was a stay-at-home dad). In waltzes Martha, the Dowager Empress herself, sweeping in with an outfit I just can’t even describe and a glass of wine, cheering her son, the new fake cop. “I did an NYPD Blue once, remember?”
Lex: “You were the crazy homeless woman.”
Cassl: “And, some might say, still are.”
He grins to soften the blow, and I’m resisting the temptation to keep putting in MORE screencaps because I keep wanting to put in a picture every time Cassl is adorable but the Sistine Chapel is not even big enough to hold them and fuck ALL he just looks really, really good, okay?
Everyone chats about the nanny thing; we discover that all Cassl’s nannies were cray-cray and he doesn’t know who his father is. And Lex, if you’re trying to spoon that stuff into that container, try using a bigger spoon, Nkay? CasslPhone rings, and he reaches into his back pocket, and don’t you DARE try to convince me to think dirty things about that. You pervs.
“Detective Bekt! Did you miss me already?” he croons. Pause. “Really? Do they do those at night? No, for sure. I just - ” he grins - “I’m just touched that you thought of me.” Touched in dirty ways. There’s a pause. “Oh, ‘ordered to call me.’” HA. Montgomery is already captain of the good ship Caskett, folks. I can just imagine her on the other end of the line, gritting her teeth, glaring daggers at her phone as she dials, praying he won’t pick up.
And Cassl’s out the door to meet his lady love.
Sexy nighttime rendezvous…at the morgue. Oh. Not so much sexy, then.
Clad in yucky blue scrub gowns and safety goggles, they head in to talk to Lanie. I love Lanie. We’ve established this, but I just wanted to remind everyone.
Like everyone, Lanie immediately falls victim to Cassl’s charm smile. And his nighttime scruff. Fuck yeah. But Bekt has no patience, because they need to hurry up and finish here so she and Cassl can go do kinky things in the nearest storage closet. Lanie says blow to head, hit head on table, died, etc. “But what I thought you might find really interesting is the fact that she had sex within the hours before her death.”
Incredulous!Bekt: “Sex?”
Helpful!Cassl: “I’ll explain how that works later.” PLEASE USE DEMONSTRATIONS.
She flicks him a quick glare of death before returning her attention to Plot, which, in my opinion, is so much less fun than CasslInnuendo. Lanie says the only evidence of sex was traces of spermicide. Bekt stares, not comprehending.
“The guy wore a condom.”
Cassl gives Bekt elevator eyes. “Boy, it really has been a long time for you, hasn’t it?” Don’t worry, Bekt. He’ll fix that.
Bekt holds in the homicidal rage - good girl - and Lanie blahs some more Plot.
AND commercials.
Back again: Morning. Bekt and her coffee. OTP, people. Cassl’s looking just utterly delightful in a blue sweater that makes his eyes so very sexy. Bekt is rocking one of my favorite of the Jackets Of Justice collection with a dark green turtleneck that makes her eyes so very sexy. And Espo, fifty points to Gryffindor for that awesome tie/shirt combination. Modern yet tasteful. Well played, sir.
Fuck all, the 12th is looking good today.
But they’re all about Plot. So they find a phone number on Nanny’s phone records (remember, they still can’t find her phone) which she was letting go to voicemail (i.e., avoiding). ExBoyf?
Sexyterrogation. Cassl tags along Bekt’s heels, and before she opens the door, she pauses to poke him in the chest, and it’s so cute because he kind of stumbles, and really, for a non-huggy, non-touchy-feely person, Bekt really, really likes poking him. And I’m kind of OK with it. She reminds him that he’s there by invitation (i.e., order) only. And she will stop dispensing sexual favors if he misbehaves. Got it?
They interrogate ExBoyf. Cassl obediently sits to the side, letting Bekt squarely face ExBoyf. She hasn’t yet mellowed enough to let him sit beside her. Mainyl because she still hates him. And it’s cute.
Anyhow, ExBoyf tells them the breakup was mutual. Bekt’s all, Really? - and turns on a recording of a bunch of voicemails ExBoyf left Nanny which basically said Come On, Call Me Back, You H0r.
Bekt’s all, Why Did You Just Lie To Me, Manbitch? But Cassl, ever helpful, hops in. “’Cause no man likes getting dumped, am I right? Our egos can’t handle it. This one time, I had this ex-girlfriend, she dumped me - I drank every meal for a week. I didn’t even like her. If I’d’ve loved her? Wow. I don’t know - ”
He stops talking as he sees that Bekt is shooting him a look of I Will Take Out My Gun And Shoot You Between The Eyes If You Do Not Shut Your Mouth This Second.
ExBoyf says he found out about Nanny’s death from their mutual friend Bob, a college classmate of theirs; Bob’s also a nanny. She got Nanny her job. ExBoyf alibis out with work, and Bekt tells him You Can Go BUT DON’T LEAVE TOWN, MOFO. ExBoyf stammers out “Yes, ma’am” and skeddadles.
Cassl scootches to sit across from Bekt, obviously to see if she wants to play footsie, and looks confused. “ ‘Don’t leave town?’ Don’t you need probable cause for something like that?” “Well, he doesn’t know that, does he?”
CasslGape of Wow, You’re Sexy AND Smart. “You can lie like that? That is so cool…” He starts scribbling in his little notebook, I stare lovingly at the Scruff Of Yum, and Bekt gets uncomfortable because she suspects (and I think she’s right) he’s actually just drawing pictures of what she would look like naked.
Well, let’s go investigate. They’re off to a playground in a park to find Friend Bob. And OH Motherfucker, the scarf porn. THE SCARF PORN.
Oh. Oh yes. I would do bad things to Richard Cassl in that scarf. Rawrrrrr…
Um, what?
Right. Recap. Got it.
They banter; Cassl waxes nostalgic over bringing Lex here when she was just a tiny little Cassl. N’awwwwwwww. “Do you know how many lonely single mothers there are on a Manhattan playground? And there I was, between marriages.”
Bekt chuckles. Ha. There’s the Cassl she knows. “Exactly how many times have you been married, Cassl?” “Twice. Why?” “That’s it?” “Isn’t that enough?” NO. ONE MORE SHOULD BE PERFECT. To a gorgeous cop who kind of hates you. Just trust me.
He asks if she’s been married… “Me? No. Never been.” “Really? You’d be good at it. You’re both controlling and disapproving. You should realy try it.” HA. Yes. So you two can just get married now then, yes?
Bekt grabs the fence railing in front of her, scanning the playground, but Cassl finds it much more entertaining to just openly stare at Bekt until she cracks and says Okay, Fine, We Can Have Sex In My Car, Are You Happy Now? “I’m not really an if-at-first-you-don’t-succeed kind of a girl, Cassl. When it comes to marriage, I’m more of a one-and-done type.”
[Everyone join me in celebrating the birth of a Caskett meme!]
Cassl keeps gazing at her with a little bit too much interest. “Mmm…any serious candidates?”
Bekt finally tears her gaze away from the playground to find Cassl a little too close, a little too earnest, and the combination of that Sex Me Now scarf and those penetrating blue eyes is just too much. She gets visibly flustered, her mouth falling open in preparation for his tongue, but she turns back to the playground to avoid him. This is day 2 and he’s already figured out how to render her incapable of speech: if option A (kissing her senseless) doesn’t work, simply show romantic interest. She’ll be a stuttering fool in seconds.
Saved by Bob - before Cassl can commence with the Kissage, Bekt spies Friend Bob.
Friend Bob sends another nanny to watch Kid Bob while our Sexy Duo asks her about Nanny. Friend Bob gets choked up, and Bekt gets motherly: “I know what it feels like to lose somebody, Bob, but we need to ask you these questions.” Ohhhhhhhhh…sweet vulnerable Bekt. I think that’s the side that keeps Cassl interested. Coy!Bekt is what catches him in the first place, but Wounded!Bekt makes him stay because she’s more than just a pretty face and amazing body.
Friend Bob lets slip that Nanny was schtupping someone new. And…Bob’s pretty sure it was Mr. Husband, as in, the dad of the kid she nannied. Uh oh.
Commercials!
We return to find it a new day. Cassl and Bekt, freshy be-scarf’d and bright-eyed and rested after what I assume was a long night of rough, angry hatred sex (you disagree? try to prove me wrong, I dare you), trot out to re-question Husband.
Cassl gets really excited when he discovers that Bekt, too, suspected Husband from the beginning. Telepathic bonds mean even better sex. “You would really clean up at my poker game.”
“Right. You, James Patterson and the rest of the Times bestseller list? No thank you, Cassl. A little too rich for my blood.”
“We coud always make it strip poker.” OMFG PLEASE YES. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE YES. AND THEN YOU WILL HAVE THE SEX.
“Sorry, but I prefer mystery to horror.” BAHAHAHA. Zing. She is obviousy referring to Patterson, of course. Because seriously, season 1 Cassl is scruffy and scarf-clad and so fucking delicious. Um…yeah. Tonto? Jump on it.
They find Husband on the phone, and he sees them and Bekt just whirls her finger in the air and mouths Wrap it up and fuck, I want that kind of power.
The three of them end up pedeconferencing outside, and Bekt has to remind CasslPuppy to Shut Up And Let Me Be The Cop Here, Mkay? Husband, it turns out, was having an affair with a woman from his office; Nanny stayed late those nights because he wasn’t home either.
There is awkward; there is sexy awkward music. Bekt just blinks. Finally, Cassl comes up with a tentative “Don’t leave town.” Cassl? Marry me. Thanks.
Bekt and Cassl return to the 12th to find the Bros. And my sweet Irish is readig a CasslBook. I love Irish. I just want to muss up his hair and hug him.
Bekt grumbles because they no longer have a suspect. Irish pulls out Paddy O’Notebook. “I got something even better.”
“Please tell me it’s that the mayor wants him outta here.” Oh Bekt. Don’t lie. You want to sex him up. We all know it.
Cassl to the Bros: “You ever notice that she gets a little grumpy when she doesn’t have a suspect?” HA. I think you can cheer her up, though, Cassl. Just take her into a broom closet, lock the door, and…
Ryan, though, says someone’s alibi doesn’t check out. “Who?” Bekt reaches for the paper, but Sweet Ryan pulls it away. “No. You gotta guess.”
“Ryan - ” yank. “Ryan. I’m not guessing.” I LOVE it when IrishBro messes with Big Sister.
Cassl just grins, because he loves it too, and finally Irish gives up and hand over the paper. “You’re a killjoy, you know that?” “Exactly what I’ve been telling her,” Cassl huffs.
Three guesses, everyone.
And SHAZAM, it’s Wife!
They confront her. And, well, turns out the day Nanny was killed, Wife was at the divorce attorney. She found out about Husband’s affair. It had nothing to do with Nanny. Sigh.
Commercials.
We return…to Casslhaus. Cassl sits in CasslStudy, oozing the charm and the sex appeal. In trots Martha, and can we all just agree that Martha is love? She is. The woman is unstoppable.
After a creepy-ass moment in which Martha accuses her son of webcamming (I don’t even want to know how Martha knows that that is), we join Cassl in watching the security camera footage from the elevators (I strongly suspect he stole it from Bekt). Lex joins them, and we have a nice little family moment of security camera bonding. Cassl’s watching the phone, and then he gets Cassllook #19, AHA!
He notices a five-second time difference in the two videos of the elevator going down. First time Nanny goes down to put the clothes in, it takes her five less seconds to get there. Ergo, she didn’t go back up to the Marrieds’ apartment. She went to a higher floor, and then it took her longer to come back down to switch loads.
Morning. Cassl and Bekt in the elevator, but sadly, not having sex in it (yet). And yes, Cassl, that zip-front shirt? That’s nice. It does good things to me. Bekt, trying to resist the CasslHotness, sighs. “Not sure where you’re going with this, Cassl.” Hopefully, straight to his bedroom. With her.
But like eight-year-old boys everywhere, Puppy thinks impressing her with his mad investigative skillz will successfully woo her. DING! He checks his watch. “It takes 32 seconds to get from the basement to the 12th floor).” “Great. I’ll alert the media.” I LOVE SEASON 1 BEKTSNARK. The snark, she is lovely.
He says Oh, BTW, Five Extra Seconds. Bekt’s detective instincts immediately gain power over her Fuck Cassl In The Elevator instincts. Yep. Nanny was coming from the 15th floor this time. Maybe THIS is where her phone is.
Bekt’s all, WTF? Cassl’s all, Nanny prolly had sex with someone on this floor, yo. “By the way, that whole elevator thing? I just did that because you smell nice.” So, in other words, He Wants You. All Over Him. In That Elevator. Right Now.
As they approach the nearest door, Bekt decides to attempt to regain some authority. “Cassl, you can’t just knock on people’s doors!” “Why not?”
Bekt hammers on the door. “Who is it?” “(Because you’re gonna freak them out.) POLICE!” Uh-huh. And that’s real comforting.
Door opens to reveal a really old guy. He stares. “You’re the police?”
Cassl: “Uh - she is. I’m sorry, do you live here alone?”
Old Bob: “Yeah. Why do you want to know?”
[Just paused it to write, and Bekt’s not even looking at Old Bob. She’s staring at Cassl, mouth open…yeah. She hates him, but she really does want to jump his bones. Ha.]
Cassl: “Eh, don’t worry about it. You’re not young enough.”
Old Bob: “Young enough for what?”
Cassl: “To have sex.”
Bekt looks awkwardly back at Old Bob, silently telling him, I’m Sorry, This Man Is Insane And I Cannot Control Him. Please Save Me.
Old Bob: “What kinda cops did you say you were?” Well, sexy ones.
Bekt: “He’s not a cop. I’m a cop.”
Old Bob: “And you’re looking for someone to have sex with?” Uh, no. She’s already found him and she’s standing next to him. But she and Cassl have a brief moment of The Eyefuck, and Cassl twitches that sexy eyebrow up, all, No, Honey, I Took Care Of You Last Night. And Then Again This Morning When We Woke Up. And Then While You Took A Shower, And Then -
Saved by Plot. Bekt sees a young-ish mom and little girl (Friend Bob’s little ward) leaving the apartment down the hall. Bingo. She smiles sweetly at Old Bob. “So sorry to bother you.”
And and Cassl bolt, leaving Old Bob to call after them, “77 ain’t beyond the realm of possibility, ya know!” Heh.
Inside Other Mom’s apartment, Other Mom is all, No Idea Why Nanny Would Have Been Up Here. Bekt asks stuff; Cassl cautiously noses around. Because he is a puppy with no attention span, sniffing all the shoes.
And then bedroom door opens, and out steps Other Dad…yeah. I think I know where this is going. Other Dad tries to feign ignorant of which day it was, but please. Dude. Don’t even try it. I’m not fooled. You like a white-trash version of the lead singer from Sugar Ray.
Cassl, who is bored of being lied to, perks up and asks to use their bathroom, and I just know he is going to do something ridiculous and probably moderately illegal. And I’m cheering him on. Bekt, though, has this little look of Cassl, I Swear To God, If You Do Something Stupid…
Naturally, Cassl snoops through the medicine cabinet, finds condoms, pauses to zhuzzh his hair a little (LOVE), and flushes the toilet to convince them he wasn’t snooping.
He rejoins them outside, where Bekt is also getting tired of being lied to, and walks past her, steathily whispering “Condoms.” She’s a little WTF - seriously, Cassl? you’re that desperate? - but then Cassl walks back and whispers ”Condoms in the bathroom.” Oh Cassl. You try so hard. You fail so spectacularly.
As Bekt continues to be the sane one, Cassl reaches behind her back and dials Nanny’s number on his phone…
…and HOLY FUCK I HEAR NANNY’S PHONE RING! FROM INSIDE THE MASTER BEDROOM!
Other Dad is in a fuckton of trouble, yo.
Bekt shoots Cassl a look of I KNOW You Had Something To Do With This And I Will Punish You For It Later, but right now, let’s keep rolling with the Plot.
Commercials.
And we’re back to Sexyterrogation, watching Badass!Bekt make mincemeat out of today’s model of manbitch: cheating dirtbag Other Dad. Cassl keeps trying to jump in, and finally Bekt glares at him and flicks her gaze down to the empty chair, and excuse me while I flail a little over the silent communication, because she just eyefucked him a message and he gets it and sits down. Eyefucking: Prelude To The Real Thing.
In comes a lawyer, and Skeezy Other Dad gets to walk out. Bekt looks really, really frustrated. I think maybe Cassl should calm her down a little. Using his body. It’s just a suggestion.
Outside, Bekt, Puppy, and Les Bros conference - condoms match the spermicide on the body - and they’re all, maybe we should check with Friend Bob? - so they pull up the security cam video to check this whole story.
They see Friend Bob getting on the elevator, and everything seems fine, until Smart!Bekt perks up. “Wait. Where’s the kid?” Sure enough, Mini Bob is nowhere to be seen. It’s just Friend Bob.
LET’S GO GET FRIEND BOB!
Cassl and Bekt go to Friend’s apartment, but her roommate says she’s not there. She went to the family about an hour ago. And btw, this apartment here? Pretty damn nice. Cassl finds a photo with Friend Bob, Skeevy Other Dad, and Mini Bob, and OH FUCK SHE’S SLEEPING WITH HIM TOOOOOOOOOO!
Seriously, did you see that guy? He is so not even worth it.
They zip back to the family’s apartment building. Bekt and the Bros are all Let’s Rock, and Cassl wants to come along. Bekt decides to let him. “Okay, Cass. But it’s accompany and observe, not participate and annoy, got it?”
“Participate and annoy is a lot more fun, but alright.”
LET’S ROCK THIS SHIT.
They badass their way out of the elevator, Bekt loosening BektScarf in preparation for Intense Shit, and power down the hallway like bosses. Apartment door is open, which means Bad, Bad Shit. Bekt powers into action, grabbing gun, etc.
In they go. Other Dad is unconscious but alive; Other Mom and Mini Bob are safely locked in the bathroom. Everyone’s all Oh, Fuck. And then the doorman calls: there’s a girl in the laundry room with a knife. Ah, fuck all.
Commercialsssssssssssss.
Bekt, Cassl and Espo head downstairs; Espo takes all the other neighbors out and Bekt prepares to go in. Cassl leans in. “So what’s the plan?” “To get everyone out of this alive.”
They head in, but she pauses. “You don’t go in. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” Will he obey? Probably not.
Bekt opens the door, and sure enough, there’s Friend Bob with a big knife, slowly cutting lines into her thigh. Oh, not cool. Her voice is clogged, nasal, like she’s been crying.
Friend is really on edge, so Bekt puts her gun down as Cassl starts sneaking in. “No one’s gonna shoot anybody. Unless it’s you if you take another step inside, Cassl.” BUSTED. She’ll sexually punish him later.
Friend starts to talk. Stupid Fucker Other Dad was sleeping with both nannies. Was promising to leave his wife. “Guys can be like that sometimes,” Bekt replies, and Cassl’s eyes flick back to her, because is that the detective speaking, or the woman? “They can lie. And I know, when you find out, how much it can break your heart.”
Cassl swallows. I think it bothers him that Bekt’s got sad stuff in her past. And this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg.
And Friend is now pregnant. With the baby of a fucker who couldn’t keep it in his pants. She didn’t mean to kill Nanny that day. Just went to talk to her. They argued; she hit her with the bleach bottle, Nanny hit her head. Cassl watches the whole time - Friend is about an inch away from who knows, Bekt is cautious and gentle and vulnerable, and this whole little drama is ten times more compelling than any of the shit in those shitty books he writes.
Bekt finally gets her to drop the knife, and Cassl lets out this long breath.
Outside - FuckerBoy is wheeled out on a gurney as the girl is put into the squad car. Bekt watches, and Cassl comes to join her. “So! Looks like I managed to make it through the case without getting injured, shot or killed.” “Yeah, well - maybe tomorrow.” He grins. He likes Snarky!Bekt.
“By the way, I really liked that whole, uh, ‘sisterhood’ thing you ran back there.”
“I wasn’t running anything, Cassl. What that guy did had consequences, only, he’ll just get to walk away.”
“Well, not scott free. I sense a pretty big divorce settlement in his future.”
“Whatever it is, it won’t be enough.”
Bekt walks off, serious, and Cassl watches as it dawns on him that maybe, just maybe, something like this happened in her past. Because even beautiful, awesome women get hurt sometimes.
Manhattan night. Cass sits in CasslStudy, typing a new storyline for Nikki Heat (whose name he hasn’t told Bekt yet) in which Rook, too, figures out that once upon a time, someone broke her heart too. Kind of like Watson’s case notes, in a way, though completely fictional. AND: Listen to the music as he types. That steady, far-off pulse in the piano, over the I and flat VI harmonies? I can’t place it, but I swear we will hear that in later episodes. It’s bugging me that I can’t remember exactly where. It was a serious episode…I think maybe in season 3…was it the end of Knockout? Eh, idk.
Lex walks in and they chat about the case. And they’re sweet and adorabe and father-daughterish and I just cannot handle how nice they are. Really. And we close with Cassl glancing at this old picture of him and Itty-Bitty little Lex walking hand-in-hand through the park, and I can’t help but just go AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
THE END.