Traces: Part Five
Title: Traces (5/?)
Author: sowritesauds
Fandom: Community
Pairing/Characters: Group, Jeff/Annie
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4600
Summary: The group helps Jeff recover from an accident.
Author's Note: Apparently taking a break from writing this next part is just what I needed. Inspiration struck me at work, so I stole a few minutes and finished up Part Five. I'm breaking my own rule and posting this before starting on Part Six... hopefully I'll get that part finished tonight. Un-Beta'd, so be kind!
Part Five
“So, where are we going?”
Jeff wasn’t used to asking the questions, wasn’t used to not being in charge. Normally it would be him leading the escape mission and driving the mini van and deciding on the adventures. Sure, the adventure would inevitably spin wildly out of his control; but with the study group, he would expect nothing less. With this crew it was miraculous that they made it from one classroom to the next without incident-and sometimes, they weren’t able to manage that.
The group sat in silence for a minute, each looking at each other as if they shared a secret they didn’t want to say aloud.
“I dunno… where do you want to go?” Britta asked, giving him an encouraging look.
“It sounded like you guys had something dangerous planned,” Jeff said.
“Not dangerous, really, more like possibly illegal,” Troy said cagily.
“It’s good that you came,” Abed chimed in.
“I’m glad I did. I really needed to get out.” At this, Annie caught his eye in the rearview mirror and smiled.
“That, and you have a key to the faculty offices,” Abed replied. He was weaving in and out of traffic on a busy thoroughfare, and Jeff suddenly realized they were heading in the direction of the school.
“How did you know that?” Jeff asked.
“They gave you one when they made you editor of the newspaper in case you needed to get into your office on the weekends. By the way, whatever happened with that?” Abed asked.
“It’s… up in the air,” Jeff said. The truth was, he had forgotten he was editor and the paper seemed to be humming along fine without him… or so he assumed. He hadn’t even really thought about it for over a year. And it was true that he did still have his key. “Still, the last place I want to go is Greendale. Can’t we do something fun? I probably only have a few hours.” He hoped they would pity him enough to take him to a bar or something.
“I don’t see why we couldn’t just do it later,” Britta said.
“But what if we get caught later? Abed has been studying the school guards’ schedule for days!” Annie exclaimed. Jeff knew the prospect of changing plans was a lot for her to handle. Instead of arguing with her just to see how cute she could be-no, how annoying she could be, he corrected himself-like he would usually do, today, after what she’d done for him and how much he was just now realizing he had missed her… today, he was going to try to remain flexible.
“Annie, we can do it later. There’s a window of time between four forty-seven and five seventeen that we can exploit,” Abed replied, taking a hand off the steering wheel and placing it on Annie’s shoulder. What the what? Jeff thought, shaking his head as if to erase the image. As quickly as Abed had given his hand, he took it away, again placing it firmly on the steering wheel. Annie turned her head to Abed, and Jeff could see an astonished look on her face.
“Aaaaanywayyy,” Troy piped up. “Where do you wanna go, man? Ooh! I know! Let’s go skiing!”
“Well, Troy, that might be difficult, seeing as I’m practically crippled,” Jeff snarked.
“Yeah, I figured you’d hate that idea. You always have to ruin our fun,” Troy pouted.
“Troy, Jeff can’t go skiing,” Britta said patiently. “I know, let’s go to Denver to the Museo de las Americas! They have a fascinating new exhibit on-”
“Uggggh,” Annie, Jeff and Troy said together, rolling their eyes as if it was a requirement to hate everything Britta said.
“Argh,” Abed said flatly, a beat too late, looking as though he still wasn’t sure why they all hated everything Britta said.
“We could go to the mall,” Abed offered.
“Yeah, Abed, I get sprung from prison-I mean, the hospital-and the first thing I want to do is go to Chicos,” Jeff said sarcastically.
“Exactly,” Abed agreed. “Since we can’t crash a parade in downtown Chicago or eat in a fancy restaurant, we’ll go to the mall.”
“Abed, I’m not Ferris Bueller, and this is not my day off, all right? How about we go to the-“
“No, Jeff, you’re not Ferris,” Abed agreed. “I’m Ferris. You’re Cameron.”
Jeff groaned as the others laughed.
“OK, then who’s Sloan?” Jeff asked in a taunting voice.
“Annie,” Abed said simply.
The van was silent as they all digested this. So Annie and Abed were… together. Interesting. Whatever, it didn’t matter. Jeff wasn’t interested in the romantic entanglements of the group anymore. He rolled his eyes and sighed deeply, trying to settle himself in the seat. Abed’s driving was becoming increasingly erratic as they neared the mall; he accelerated into a sharp right turn, then braked hard as they became stuck behind a slow-moving semi-truck. Abed swerved quickly and cut in front of a Hummer in the left lane, drawing honks and middle fingers.
“Abed, when did you get your license?” Jeff asked.
“I didn’t.”
“WHAT?!?” Jeff exclaimed, incensed. “You guys let him drive?”
“He has a permit!” Annie said defensively. “He said he just needed a few more hours with a licensed driver before he could take the test!”
“He’s like twenty-three years old and doesn’t have his driver’s license yet, and you didn’t think to wonder WHY?” Jeff argued.
“I’m twenty-two,” said Abed.
“No, Jeff, because unlike some people, I don’t always assume the worst about my friends!” Annie spat back, ignoring Abed.
“Oh, and what’s that supposed to mean, you self-righteous-“
Jeff’s words were cut off by the squealing of the mini-van’s tires on the pavement as Abed skidded into the parking lot of the mall. He was driving about forty miles per hour in a fifteen-mile-per-hour zone, weaving around other cars and telephone poles as he searched for the entrance.
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!” Jeff, Annie, Troy and Britta all yelled as the van came dangerously close to ramming into a road block that had been set up to direct traffic around construction.
“Aaaaaah!” Abed said in a monotone as he slammed on the brakes, the van whipping around in a 180˚ turn. It skidded to a sudden stop in a handicapped parking spot near the front doors. “We’re here,” Abed said quietly. He whipped a handicapped parking pass out of his back pocket and hung it around the rearview mirror.
“Abed, where did you get that?” Annie asked suspiciously.
“Hospital Administration.”
“Naturally,” Britta said. “Jeff, let’s get you out of here.” She crawled over the back seat and into the trunk area, opened the swinging back door from the inside, jumped down, and lifted the wheelchair out of the van.
Troy made his way past Jeff and opened the sliding side door, then helped Jeff into the chair. They made their way to the entrance doors of the mall behind Britta, Annie and Abed. Jeff looked back at the van, surprised to see it was parked perfectly within the lines, with even room on each side of the vehicle. The skid marks that marked the high-speed turn into the spot were the only indication that Abed had been driving like a hellion through the parking lot.
“Nice parking job,” Jeff admitted out loud.
“I know, right?” Troy replied, amazed. “Dude, I felt like I was in The Fast and the Furious or something.”
“I wonder what Shirley’s going to say when we tell her she needs new tires, shocks, and brakes.”
“I’m not planning on being there to find out,” Troy deadpanned.
---
The five of them made quite the motley crew at the mall on that Saturday afternoon. Abed headed straight for the FYE, then spent a full hour browsing the DVD section. Troy busied himself with the video games for a while, but got bored, and followed Annie, Britta and Jeff (who had no choice, since he was being pushed by Britta) to the Victoria’s Secret across the hall, Britta complaining all the while about the way that women forced their body parts into uncomfortable and unnatural positions just to please men and their warped ideals, even though Jeff knew she owned at least five of the colorful, lacy bras hanging from the pink and black walls. Jeff had to choke back a cough when he saw Annie pick up a thong made out of black satin and lace and stretch it between her two index fingers thoughtfully, and he saw Troy’s Adam’s apple bob more than once as he ogled the girls sifting through the bins of panties and walls of bras.
Finally, when Abed had had enough of the DVDs and the rest of them had had enough of the perfumed air and loud, pumping music of the Victoria’s Secret, they followed the smell of butter, fry grease, and MSG to the food court, where Jeff sat at a table while the others ordered their food. He picked off of each of their trays, savoring the trans fatty acids and fried crispy goodness of two chicken fingers, fifteen French fries, six pieces of moo shu pork, a forkful of fried rice, three fourths of a pretzel dipped in cheese and three bites of funnel cake.
Once they were all full to bursting with fatty fast food, Annie assessed the group, sitting up primly with her hands folded in front of her on the table. “Abed, what time is it please?”
“One thirty-four,” he replied, having barely glanced at his watch.
“Then we have just enough time to go to the book-”
“ARCADE!” Troy yelled, pointing to the dark room across the food court that was lit by neon and large game machines. “I wanna go to the arcade! Can we? Please?” he begged, turning wide eyes on each of them in turn.
Abed looked at his watch. “We have enough time for a quick sequence in the arcade, followed by a montage of us shopping at a department store, preferably with each of us trying on goofy outfits to a nostalgically fun pop song,” he said.
“Is that a yes?” Troy asked, his eyes wide and pleading. He looked at each member of the group in turn. Annie smiled and shrugged, Britta rolled her eyes and nodded, and Jeff gave a noncommittal gesture.
“I think that’s the strongest yes you’ll get from these guys,” Jeff said, not wanting to be the stick in the mud that kept Troy from having his fun. “Let’s go waste some money!”
The five of them trekked across the food court to the arcade, where Troy and Annie waged a battle on the Dance Dance Revolution game. Abed challenged Britta to a game of air hockey, and Jeff sat in the corner he had been wheeled into and tried to look like he was enjoying watching everyone run around like kids and have fun, while really inside he was feeling more and more like an old man. His leg was sticking out into a main aisle in the arcade, and he winced every time a group of kids would tear by, afraid they would crash into him and overturn his chair. As soon as he saw Annie get that look in her eye that said “I’m no longer enjoying this but I’m hanging in there so that everyone will see me as a Fun Person,” he waved her over to his corner.
“Can you…” he trailed off, as she was already readjusting his position in the aisle so that his leg was no longer sticking out into the flow of traffic. “Thanks.”
“No problem. I think it’s safe to leave now… Troy’s almost out of nickels.” Annie replied, looking around for him as if to confirm it.
“Nickels?” Jeff asked.
“Britta had some stocked up for some reason,” Annie said. “We’ve been trading them in for coins, but the cashier’s getting kind of sick of us.”
Jeff just shook his head. He was trying to catch Annie’s eye, but hers were scanning the arcade as if she were searching for someone. Then she fixed her head on a spot and a smile spread slowly across her face, the kind of smile she had when she thought no one else was looking. Jeff followed her line of sight to see Abed and Troy playing on two motorcycles, jerking into one another and jockeying for position on the huge screen in front of them. Troy spun out at the last second, and Abed soared across the animated finish line, pumping both fists in the air as Troy hung his head in shame.
Jeff looked to Annie, who was giggling with a moony look on her face. He knew that look; it was the one she wore when someone had shown her the slightest bit of affection and she was determined to crush on them. He felt a bubble of jealousy inside his gut, then realized it was stupid to be jealous when he had denied her at every chance he had. He had no right, he knew, to feel jealous of Abed, or anyone she might choose for that matter. They were just friends. Those “long looks” she talked about in the study room all those months ago; the brushes of their hands together on occasion, or the way she had accidentally fallen asleep beside him in the hospital the night before-all of it meant nothing, because finally, he meant nothing to her.
Well, perhaps he didn’t mean nothing to her; he just meant the appropriate amount of… something to her. In any case, he was tired of thinking about it, because it made his head swim. He felt himself being wheeled toward the arcade exit, where Britta was already waiting, looking like she was itching for an illicit cigarette.
“Those little brats in there sure are lucky I’m a good person,” she said violently. “One of them called me ma’am.”
“What a douche,” Jeff drawled.
“Oh, shut up, cripple,” Britta shot back. At the stricken look on his face, she retreated. “Sorry, I didn’t mean… hey Abed, is it time to go yet?” she sidetracked, looking at Abed as if she were her drowning and he was her lifeline. What was with the Abed-worship today?
“Don’t you guys want to go to Macy’s and try on kooky outfits or something?” he asked. “We’ve still got… thirty-seven minutes left for hanging out at the mall.”
“I’m up for it if you are,” Annie said brightly, looking down on Jeff.
“Yeah, man, it’s up to you,” Troy said.
“I’m… down… yo,” Jeff said lamely. “Let’s get some shoppin’ done in this hizz.”
“Um…” said Annie.
“Ye-ah…” said Troy.
“Don’t ever try to be cool like me again,” Britta said wryly, pushing him through the mall as the other three walked ahead. Jeff rode in silence, trying to people-watch and not feel lame as Britta wheeled him around mall walkers and families with kids and old ladies who were creeping in front of them at a snail’s pace. He had never felt as much of an obstruction as he felt today; he was absolutely inessential to the group’s fun, and he was absolutely in the way for every person in their path. He felt them glancing down on him with annoyance mixed with pity, and it made him feel that cool, hard stone of bitterness that seemed rooted to the pit of his stomach, almost as if he had reached in and turned it over in his spot. He could never quite seem to free it from its place inside of him forever; he could only hope to ignore it for stretches of time, until something like this came along and reminded him that it was there.
As they entered Macy’s, Annie went straight for the Clinique cosmetics counter, fiddling with blushes and glosses and eye shadows and sniffing perfumes while Abed and Troy began an elaborate and age-inappropriate game of hide-and-seek in the racks of brassieres and panties on the right. Britta took Jeff with her to the shoe department on the left of the cosmetics area and began browsing the shoes while Jeff sat, helplessly, in the middle of the floor.
“Can I help you try something on?” a salesman approached him with a big, fake grin. Jeff scoffed, indicated his broken leg, and waved the guy off. Britta returned with a pair of bright red pumps, the sight of which made Jeff feel hot in certain places.
“What do you think?” she asked. “Are they too much?”
“They’re hot,” Jeff said truthfully. He heard a sharp intake of breath beside him and craned his neck over his shoulder to see Annie standing a few steps back from his chair.
“Abed and Troy have some outfits picked out for us to try on,” Annie said, her voice sounding prim and small. “Over here,” and with that she grabbed hold of Jeff’s chair and jerked him around to the men’s’ department at the back of the store, her feet practically stomping on the tiled walkway.
They arrived to find Abed and Troy had commandeered two of the handicapped dressing rooms and had filled them with the wackiest pieces of clothing they could find-a yellow and brown plaid suit jacket, a bright turquoise pair of skinny jeans, and every kind of striped, polka dotted, or otherwise crazily-patterned piece of clothing the store had. Jeff tried not to think about the poor minimum-wage sap who was going to have to put all of the stuff back.
Abed handed Jeff a video camera (had he been carrying that around the whole time?) and briefly instructed him on how to use it, then wheeled him into a changing stall that was directly across from the two handicapped rooms. He and Troy entered the one with all the men’s clothing and Annie and Britta went into the women’s, and the four of them came out in their wacky outfits and did little dances and made little faces. They swapped rooms and clothes and generally acted goofy-Troy singing, Britta dancing, and Annie playing along-until an employee came in and asked pointedly if they needed any help.
Wisely, Abed took this as a sign that it was time for them to leave, and they began trying to get all the clothes back on their hangers. As they started back for the mall doors they had entered through earlier in the day, Abed watched the footage playback on his video camera, occasionally nodding approvingly. Jeff watched as Annie slid up beside him, comfortably close, and watched the footage with him, Troy flanking Abed on the other side.
Jeff took a breath and then asked Britta bluntly, “So what’s up with Abed and Annie?” He regretted the words almost as soon as they left his mouth and didn’t even care about the answer, really, but there was no turning back now.
“They’re… I don’t know,” Britta said. “They’re hanging out together quite a lot, but that’s been the case ever since summer break.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Jeff said casually, because the truth was, he hadn’t noticed. In fact, he hadn’t noticed until now the way that Annie acted differently when she was with the group. If he really thought about it, she had started withdrawing from him slightly ever since before the epic paintball war.
“Well, they kind of made out during paintball,” Britta said, which caught Jeff’s attention, “And then it seemed like Abed was giving her the cold shoulder for a while, but I guess over the summer they watched a lot of movies together, and now they’re hanging out all the time,” she continued. “But I don’t think they’re together-together. I’ve never seen them, like, making out or anything.”
Jeff sighed in what, if he was being truthful, was absolute relief. So they were buddies who had kissed once. So what? The same could be said for him and Annie, or Troy and Britta, or Britta and Jeff. Wow, this group is kind of incestuous, he thought.
“Abed’s just been helping Annie with her whole Duncan issue thing,” Britta said, her voice suddenly sounding rather pointed. “You know, the whole situation with him threatening to make a thousand copies of her permanent records and show them to the entire school, Mean Girls style?”
Jeff’s face grew hot. That bastard! He could picture the stupid little Brit striding down the hallways at Greendale, plastering Annie’s records to walls and sliding them under classroom doors.
“I didn’t know about that,” Jeff said quietly. But, he thought wryly, I know what I would have done to Duncan if I had known.
“You didn’t? Because Annie swears she told you the whole story on the day that you got hit. In fact, she says you were chasing her through the parking lot when Duncan… you know…”
“Tried to murder her?” Jeff finished.
“Yeah,” Britta said quietly. “You really don’t remember?” she asked, her voice sounding surprisingly tender.
“I really don’t,” Jeff replied. “I wish I did. I wish I knew everything, because this is completely confusing the shit out of me and I can’t really handle letting my mind fill in the blanks right now. It’s not a pretty picture.”
“Yeah, the real picture isn’t too pretty either,” Britta said cryptically. “I guess Duncan has been riding Annie all semester. Apparently he’s had a grudge against her ever since she and Abed somehow skewed the data on one of his human studies.” Jeff nodded, remembering the day Abed had spent waiting for the study to begin, not realizing that was actually the study. Duncan had been upset-but upset enough to run someone down with his stupid, tiny little clown car?
“There has to be more to it than that,” Jeff said.
“Oh, there is. Annie told the Dean all about Duncan’s shitty teaching in our Anthro class last year. Duncan was put on probation after the final debacle,” Britta said. Still, it didn’t seem like enough. “Then, Annie signed up for one of his upper-level Psych classes this semester. Apparently she needed it to fulfill an elective for her major. Anyway, Duncan wrote a book specifically for the class, and he asked them to write a paper supporting or disproving a theory in the book. Annie’s paper was so good, that it completely disproved Duncan’s entire thesis.”
“Wow,” Jeff said, shaking his head. Annie was too smart for her own good sometimes-disproving her professor’s theory in a term paper? No wonder Duncan hated her.
“Yeah,” Britta replied, as if she could hear the thoughts inside Jeff’s head and was agreeing with him. They were finally nearing the doors, where the crew was waiting for them. Abed and Troy were having a pinch fight and each was alternately using Annie as a shield. Jeff watched as they jumped around and yelped and laughed, feeling so old that he almost couldn’t stand it. It wasn’t fair to Annie to be bullied by someone she was supposed to respect, someone who held so much power over her life.
“Anyway, don’t let Annie know I told you all of this,” Britta said. “She’s trying to fix it on her own. The dean says since there’s no proof that Duncan threatened or blackmailed her, and he’s already left Greendale, there’s not much more he can do.”
“What more does she want him to do?” Jeff asked.
“Well, she has it in her head that she can sue Duncan for blackmailing her,” Britta said carefully.
“Sue him? With what money? And with what proof?” Jeff said. “What idiot told her to sue him?”
“I’m looking at him right now,” Britta said.
Jeff tried to digest this. He had known about the blackmail, the threats, the everything, and then had told Annie she should sue someone? Wow, what was he smoking at the time?
“I don’t think she should sue him… she could have him arrested, if she had the proof,” Jeff said, chewing things over. It had been a while since he let his brain wander into Lawyer Land. Was this really happening? “Of course, getting it herself is a bad idea, but unless she can prove that he said something threatening towards her it’s unlikely we’ll get a search warrant…” he trailed off.
“Well, that’s our mission for today,” Britta said, wheeling him out the automated handicapped doors. “We’re going to go through Duncan’s office and try to find some kind of written proof that that jag was going to try to harm her.”
“Hey guys, what took you so long? We’ve been waiting,” Annie said, somewhat impatiently, turning to face them. “Abed, why don’t you go get the van?”
“Maybe we should let someone else drive,” Jeff said.
“Good idea-how about Troy?” Britta agreed.
“I’m on it!” Troy said, and turned to sprint the hundred feet to where Shirley’s minivan was parked.
“Hey, I have a message from Shirley!” Annie said excitedly, pulling her phone out of her purse. Britta and Abed also pulled their phones from their pockets.
“Me too,” said Britta.
“Yeah, so do I,” Abed said. Jeff sat silently, looking at each of them as they listened to their voicemails.
“Uh-oh you guys,” Annie said. As if on cue, Troy drove up to the curb where they were situated and waved his phone at them through the open window.
“Dude, I just got a voicemail from Shirley and she sounds piiiiisssseddd!” he said. “Jeff, you’re in trouble!”
“We’re all in trouble,” Annie said. “We’d better get you back to the hospital.”
“Why? What’s going on?” Jeff asked.
“The orderly came in to get your blood pressure and check your vitals, and you weren’t there. He thought maybe you were still in the cafeteria with us, but when he went to check, they said they hadn’t seen us come down, so he called Shirley, who is the second person on your emergency contact list, alphabetically,” Abed said matter-of-factly. “They tried Troy first, but he didn’t answer. Then they tried Annie, me, and Britta.”
“Oh-kay, so they think I escaped. What’s the big deal? We’ll get me back upstairs, make up a stupid excuse, and that’ll be the end of it,” Jeff said resignedly. “It was a fun day, but let’s face it, this couldn’t last forever.”
“True,” Abed said. “Looks like we’ll have to push our mission to tomorrow,” he said, putting an arm around Annie and hugging her close.
Jeff recoiled.
“No,” Jeff said. “Let’s do it.”
They all whipped their heads around to look at him at the same time.
“Are you sure?” Britta asked skeptically. “Because you should probably get some rest, you’re going to have surgery tomorrow.”
“Which is exactly why I should be there today to help with your secret mission. Since you guys have been there for me every day for almost a month. It’s time I returned the favor,” Jeff said, hoping his somewhat logical excuse would mask the true reason he wanted to go-to make sure they got the kind of evidence they would need to get a warrant out for Duncan, and to figure out what in the name of all things Abed was going on with Abed and Annie. Yes, I’m jealous, he decided, and I don’t care what that means.
Abed nodded at him. “Well, gang,” he said. “Sounds like we’ve got a real-life secret mission on our hands.”
Troy smiled from the driver’s seat, rubbed his palms together with a smile on his face, and said, “And the stakes have never been higher.”
Author: sowritesauds
Fandom: Community
Pairing/Characters: Group, Jeff/Annie
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4600
Summary: The group helps Jeff recover from an accident.
Author's Note: Apparently taking a break from writing this next part is just what I needed. Inspiration struck me at work, so I stole a few minutes and finished up Part Five. I'm breaking my own rule and posting this before starting on Part Six... hopefully I'll get that part finished tonight. Un-Beta'd, so be kind!
Part Five
“So, where are we going?”
Jeff wasn’t used to asking the questions, wasn’t used to not being in charge. Normally it would be him leading the escape mission and driving the mini van and deciding on the adventures. Sure, the adventure would inevitably spin wildly out of his control; but with the study group, he would expect nothing less. With this crew it was miraculous that they made it from one classroom to the next without incident-and sometimes, they weren’t able to manage that.
The group sat in silence for a minute, each looking at each other as if they shared a secret they didn’t want to say aloud.
“I dunno… where do you want to go?” Britta asked, giving him an encouraging look.
“It sounded like you guys had something dangerous planned,” Jeff said.
“Not dangerous, really, more like possibly illegal,” Troy said cagily.
“It’s good that you came,” Abed chimed in.
“I’m glad I did. I really needed to get out.” At this, Annie caught his eye in the rearview mirror and smiled.
“That, and you have a key to the faculty offices,” Abed replied. He was weaving in and out of traffic on a busy thoroughfare, and Jeff suddenly realized they were heading in the direction of the school.
“How did you know that?” Jeff asked.
“They gave you one when they made you editor of the newspaper in case you needed to get into your office on the weekends. By the way, whatever happened with that?” Abed asked.
“It’s… up in the air,” Jeff said. The truth was, he had forgotten he was editor and the paper seemed to be humming along fine without him… or so he assumed. He hadn’t even really thought about it for over a year. And it was true that he did still have his key. “Still, the last place I want to go is Greendale. Can’t we do something fun? I probably only have a few hours.” He hoped they would pity him enough to take him to a bar or something.
“I don’t see why we couldn’t just do it later,” Britta said.
“But what if we get caught later? Abed has been studying the school guards’ schedule for days!” Annie exclaimed. Jeff knew the prospect of changing plans was a lot for her to handle. Instead of arguing with her just to see how cute she could be-no, how annoying she could be, he corrected himself-like he would usually do, today, after what she’d done for him and how much he was just now realizing he had missed her… today, he was going to try to remain flexible.
“Annie, we can do it later. There’s a window of time between four forty-seven and five seventeen that we can exploit,” Abed replied, taking a hand off the steering wheel and placing it on Annie’s shoulder. What the what? Jeff thought, shaking his head as if to erase the image. As quickly as Abed had given his hand, he took it away, again placing it firmly on the steering wheel. Annie turned her head to Abed, and Jeff could see an astonished look on her face.
“Aaaaanywayyy,” Troy piped up. “Where do you wanna go, man? Ooh! I know! Let’s go skiing!”
“Well, Troy, that might be difficult, seeing as I’m practically crippled,” Jeff snarked.
“Yeah, I figured you’d hate that idea. You always have to ruin our fun,” Troy pouted.
“Troy, Jeff can’t go skiing,” Britta said patiently. “I know, let’s go to Denver to the Museo de las Americas! They have a fascinating new exhibit on-”
“Uggggh,” Annie, Jeff and Troy said together, rolling their eyes as if it was a requirement to hate everything Britta said.
“Argh,” Abed said flatly, a beat too late, looking as though he still wasn’t sure why they all hated everything Britta said.
“We could go to the mall,” Abed offered.
“Yeah, Abed, I get sprung from prison-I mean, the hospital-and the first thing I want to do is go to Chicos,” Jeff said sarcastically.
“Exactly,” Abed agreed. “Since we can’t crash a parade in downtown Chicago or eat in a fancy restaurant, we’ll go to the mall.”
“Abed, I’m not Ferris Bueller, and this is not my day off, all right? How about we go to the-“
“No, Jeff, you’re not Ferris,” Abed agreed. “I’m Ferris. You’re Cameron.”
Jeff groaned as the others laughed.
“OK, then who’s Sloan?” Jeff asked in a taunting voice.
“Annie,” Abed said simply.
The van was silent as they all digested this. So Annie and Abed were… together. Interesting. Whatever, it didn’t matter. Jeff wasn’t interested in the romantic entanglements of the group anymore. He rolled his eyes and sighed deeply, trying to settle himself in the seat. Abed’s driving was becoming increasingly erratic as they neared the mall; he accelerated into a sharp right turn, then braked hard as they became stuck behind a slow-moving semi-truck. Abed swerved quickly and cut in front of a Hummer in the left lane, drawing honks and middle fingers.
“Abed, when did you get your license?” Jeff asked.
“I didn’t.”
“WHAT?!?” Jeff exclaimed, incensed. “You guys let him drive?”
“He has a permit!” Annie said defensively. “He said he just needed a few more hours with a licensed driver before he could take the test!”
“He’s like twenty-three years old and doesn’t have his driver’s license yet, and you didn’t think to wonder WHY?” Jeff argued.
“I’m twenty-two,” said Abed.
“No, Jeff, because unlike some people, I don’t always assume the worst about my friends!” Annie spat back, ignoring Abed.
“Oh, and what’s that supposed to mean, you self-righteous-“
Jeff’s words were cut off by the squealing of the mini-van’s tires on the pavement as Abed skidded into the parking lot of the mall. He was driving about forty miles per hour in a fifteen-mile-per-hour zone, weaving around other cars and telephone poles as he searched for the entrance.
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!” Jeff, Annie, Troy and Britta all yelled as the van came dangerously close to ramming into a road block that had been set up to direct traffic around construction.
“Aaaaaah!” Abed said in a monotone as he slammed on the brakes, the van whipping around in a 180˚ turn. It skidded to a sudden stop in a handicapped parking spot near the front doors. “We’re here,” Abed said quietly. He whipped a handicapped parking pass out of his back pocket and hung it around the rearview mirror.
“Abed, where did you get that?” Annie asked suspiciously.
“Hospital Administration.”
“Naturally,” Britta said. “Jeff, let’s get you out of here.” She crawled over the back seat and into the trunk area, opened the swinging back door from the inside, jumped down, and lifted the wheelchair out of the van.
Troy made his way past Jeff and opened the sliding side door, then helped Jeff into the chair. They made their way to the entrance doors of the mall behind Britta, Annie and Abed. Jeff looked back at the van, surprised to see it was parked perfectly within the lines, with even room on each side of the vehicle. The skid marks that marked the high-speed turn into the spot were the only indication that Abed had been driving like a hellion through the parking lot.
“Nice parking job,” Jeff admitted out loud.
“I know, right?” Troy replied, amazed. “Dude, I felt like I was in The Fast and the Furious or something.”
“I wonder what Shirley’s going to say when we tell her she needs new tires, shocks, and brakes.”
“I’m not planning on being there to find out,” Troy deadpanned.
---
The five of them made quite the motley crew at the mall on that Saturday afternoon. Abed headed straight for the FYE, then spent a full hour browsing the DVD section. Troy busied himself with the video games for a while, but got bored, and followed Annie, Britta and Jeff (who had no choice, since he was being pushed by Britta) to the Victoria’s Secret across the hall, Britta complaining all the while about the way that women forced their body parts into uncomfortable and unnatural positions just to please men and their warped ideals, even though Jeff knew she owned at least five of the colorful, lacy bras hanging from the pink and black walls. Jeff had to choke back a cough when he saw Annie pick up a thong made out of black satin and lace and stretch it between her two index fingers thoughtfully, and he saw Troy’s Adam’s apple bob more than once as he ogled the girls sifting through the bins of panties and walls of bras.
Finally, when Abed had had enough of the DVDs and the rest of them had had enough of the perfumed air and loud, pumping music of the Victoria’s Secret, they followed the smell of butter, fry grease, and MSG to the food court, where Jeff sat at a table while the others ordered their food. He picked off of each of their trays, savoring the trans fatty acids and fried crispy goodness of two chicken fingers, fifteen French fries, six pieces of moo shu pork, a forkful of fried rice, three fourths of a pretzel dipped in cheese and three bites of funnel cake.
Once they were all full to bursting with fatty fast food, Annie assessed the group, sitting up primly with her hands folded in front of her on the table. “Abed, what time is it please?”
“One thirty-four,” he replied, having barely glanced at his watch.
“Then we have just enough time to go to the book-”
“ARCADE!” Troy yelled, pointing to the dark room across the food court that was lit by neon and large game machines. “I wanna go to the arcade! Can we? Please?” he begged, turning wide eyes on each of them in turn.
Abed looked at his watch. “We have enough time for a quick sequence in the arcade, followed by a montage of us shopping at a department store, preferably with each of us trying on goofy outfits to a nostalgically fun pop song,” he said.
“Is that a yes?” Troy asked, his eyes wide and pleading. He looked at each member of the group in turn. Annie smiled and shrugged, Britta rolled her eyes and nodded, and Jeff gave a noncommittal gesture.
“I think that’s the strongest yes you’ll get from these guys,” Jeff said, not wanting to be the stick in the mud that kept Troy from having his fun. “Let’s go waste some money!”
The five of them trekked across the food court to the arcade, where Troy and Annie waged a battle on the Dance Dance Revolution game. Abed challenged Britta to a game of air hockey, and Jeff sat in the corner he had been wheeled into and tried to look like he was enjoying watching everyone run around like kids and have fun, while really inside he was feeling more and more like an old man. His leg was sticking out into a main aisle in the arcade, and he winced every time a group of kids would tear by, afraid they would crash into him and overturn his chair. As soon as he saw Annie get that look in her eye that said “I’m no longer enjoying this but I’m hanging in there so that everyone will see me as a Fun Person,” he waved her over to his corner.
“Can you…” he trailed off, as she was already readjusting his position in the aisle so that his leg was no longer sticking out into the flow of traffic. “Thanks.”
“No problem. I think it’s safe to leave now… Troy’s almost out of nickels.” Annie replied, looking around for him as if to confirm it.
“Nickels?” Jeff asked.
“Britta had some stocked up for some reason,” Annie said. “We’ve been trading them in for coins, but the cashier’s getting kind of sick of us.”
Jeff just shook his head. He was trying to catch Annie’s eye, but hers were scanning the arcade as if she were searching for someone. Then she fixed her head on a spot and a smile spread slowly across her face, the kind of smile she had when she thought no one else was looking. Jeff followed her line of sight to see Abed and Troy playing on two motorcycles, jerking into one another and jockeying for position on the huge screen in front of them. Troy spun out at the last second, and Abed soared across the animated finish line, pumping both fists in the air as Troy hung his head in shame.
Jeff looked to Annie, who was giggling with a moony look on her face. He knew that look; it was the one she wore when someone had shown her the slightest bit of affection and she was determined to crush on them. He felt a bubble of jealousy inside his gut, then realized it was stupid to be jealous when he had denied her at every chance he had. He had no right, he knew, to feel jealous of Abed, or anyone she might choose for that matter. They were just friends. Those “long looks” she talked about in the study room all those months ago; the brushes of their hands together on occasion, or the way she had accidentally fallen asleep beside him in the hospital the night before-all of it meant nothing, because finally, he meant nothing to her.
Well, perhaps he didn’t mean nothing to her; he just meant the appropriate amount of… something to her. In any case, he was tired of thinking about it, because it made his head swim. He felt himself being wheeled toward the arcade exit, where Britta was already waiting, looking like she was itching for an illicit cigarette.
“Those little brats in there sure are lucky I’m a good person,” she said violently. “One of them called me ma’am.”
“What a douche,” Jeff drawled.
“Oh, shut up, cripple,” Britta shot back. At the stricken look on his face, she retreated. “Sorry, I didn’t mean… hey Abed, is it time to go yet?” she sidetracked, looking at Abed as if she were her drowning and he was her lifeline. What was with the Abed-worship today?
“Don’t you guys want to go to Macy’s and try on kooky outfits or something?” he asked. “We’ve still got… thirty-seven minutes left for hanging out at the mall.”
“I’m up for it if you are,” Annie said brightly, looking down on Jeff.
“Yeah, man, it’s up to you,” Troy said.
“I’m… down… yo,” Jeff said lamely. “Let’s get some shoppin’ done in this hizz.”
“Um…” said Annie.
“Ye-ah…” said Troy.
“Don’t ever try to be cool like me again,” Britta said wryly, pushing him through the mall as the other three walked ahead. Jeff rode in silence, trying to people-watch and not feel lame as Britta wheeled him around mall walkers and families with kids and old ladies who were creeping in front of them at a snail’s pace. He had never felt as much of an obstruction as he felt today; he was absolutely inessential to the group’s fun, and he was absolutely in the way for every person in their path. He felt them glancing down on him with annoyance mixed with pity, and it made him feel that cool, hard stone of bitterness that seemed rooted to the pit of his stomach, almost as if he had reached in and turned it over in his spot. He could never quite seem to free it from its place inside of him forever; he could only hope to ignore it for stretches of time, until something like this came along and reminded him that it was there.
As they entered Macy’s, Annie went straight for the Clinique cosmetics counter, fiddling with blushes and glosses and eye shadows and sniffing perfumes while Abed and Troy began an elaborate and age-inappropriate game of hide-and-seek in the racks of brassieres and panties on the right. Britta took Jeff with her to the shoe department on the left of the cosmetics area and began browsing the shoes while Jeff sat, helplessly, in the middle of the floor.
“Can I help you try something on?” a salesman approached him with a big, fake grin. Jeff scoffed, indicated his broken leg, and waved the guy off. Britta returned with a pair of bright red pumps, the sight of which made Jeff feel hot in certain places.
“What do you think?” she asked. “Are they too much?”
“They’re hot,” Jeff said truthfully. He heard a sharp intake of breath beside him and craned his neck over his shoulder to see Annie standing a few steps back from his chair.
“Abed and Troy have some outfits picked out for us to try on,” Annie said, her voice sounding prim and small. “Over here,” and with that she grabbed hold of Jeff’s chair and jerked him around to the men’s’ department at the back of the store, her feet practically stomping on the tiled walkway.
They arrived to find Abed and Troy had commandeered two of the handicapped dressing rooms and had filled them with the wackiest pieces of clothing they could find-a yellow and brown plaid suit jacket, a bright turquoise pair of skinny jeans, and every kind of striped, polka dotted, or otherwise crazily-patterned piece of clothing the store had. Jeff tried not to think about the poor minimum-wage sap who was going to have to put all of the stuff back.
Abed handed Jeff a video camera (had he been carrying that around the whole time?) and briefly instructed him on how to use it, then wheeled him into a changing stall that was directly across from the two handicapped rooms. He and Troy entered the one with all the men’s clothing and Annie and Britta went into the women’s, and the four of them came out in their wacky outfits and did little dances and made little faces. They swapped rooms and clothes and generally acted goofy-Troy singing, Britta dancing, and Annie playing along-until an employee came in and asked pointedly if they needed any help.
Wisely, Abed took this as a sign that it was time for them to leave, and they began trying to get all the clothes back on their hangers. As they started back for the mall doors they had entered through earlier in the day, Abed watched the footage playback on his video camera, occasionally nodding approvingly. Jeff watched as Annie slid up beside him, comfortably close, and watched the footage with him, Troy flanking Abed on the other side.
Jeff took a breath and then asked Britta bluntly, “So what’s up with Abed and Annie?” He regretted the words almost as soon as they left his mouth and didn’t even care about the answer, really, but there was no turning back now.
“They’re… I don’t know,” Britta said. “They’re hanging out together quite a lot, but that’s been the case ever since summer break.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Jeff said casually, because the truth was, he hadn’t noticed. In fact, he hadn’t noticed until now the way that Annie acted differently when she was with the group. If he really thought about it, she had started withdrawing from him slightly ever since before the epic paintball war.
“Well, they kind of made out during paintball,” Britta said, which caught Jeff’s attention, “And then it seemed like Abed was giving her the cold shoulder for a while, but I guess over the summer they watched a lot of movies together, and now they’re hanging out all the time,” she continued. “But I don’t think they’re together-together. I’ve never seen them, like, making out or anything.”
Jeff sighed in what, if he was being truthful, was absolute relief. So they were buddies who had kissed once. So what? The same could be said for him and Annie, or Troy and Britta, or Britta and Jeff. Wow, this group is kind of incestuous, he thought.
“Abed’s just been helping Annie with her whole Duncan issue thing,” Britta said, her voice suddenly sounding rather pointed. “You know, the whole situation with him threatening to make a thousand copies of her permanent records and show them to the entire school, Mean Girls style?”
Jeff’s face grew hot. That bastard! He could picture the stupid little Brit striding down the hallways at Greendale, plastering Annie’s records to walls and sliding them under classroom doors.
“I didn’t know about that,” Jeff said quietly. But, he thought wryly, I know what I would have done to Duncan if I had known.
“You didn’t? Because Annie swears she told you the whole story on the day that you got hit. In fact, she says you were chasing her through the parking lot when Duncan… you know…”
“Tried to murder her?” Jeff finished.
“Yeah,” Britta said quietly. “You really don’t remember?” she asked, her voice sounding surprisingly tender.
“I really don’t,” Jeff replied. “I wish I did. I wish I knew everything, because this is completely confusing the shit out of me and I can’t really handle letting my mind fill in the blanks right now. It’s not a pretty picture.”
“Yeah, the real picture isn’t too pretty either,” Britta said cryptically. “I guess Duncan has been riding Annie all semester. Apparently he’s had a grudge against her ever since she and Abed somehow skewed the data on one of his human studies.” Jeff nodded, remembering the day Abed had spent waiting for the study to begin, not realizing that was actually the study. Duncan had been upset-but upset enough to run someone down with his stupid, tiny little clown car?
“There has to be more to it than that,” Jeff said.
“Oh, there is. Annie told the Dean all about Duncan’s shitty teaching in our Anthro class last year. Duncan was put on probation after the final debacle,” Britta said. Still, it didn’t seem like enough. “Then, Annie signed up for one of his upper-level Psych classes this semester. Apparently she needed it to fulfill an elective for her major. Anyway, Duncan wrote a book specifically for the class, and he asked them to write a paper supporting or disproving a theory in the book. Annie’s paper was so good, that it completely disproved Duncan’s entire thesis.”
“Wow,” Jeff said, shaking his head. Annie was too smart for her own good sometimes-disproving her professor’s theory in a term paper? No wonder Duncan hated her.
“Yeah,” Britta replied, as if she could hear the thoughts inside Jeff’s head and was agreeing with him. They were finally nearing the doors, where the crew was waiting for them. Abed and Troy were having a pinch fight and each was alternately using Annie as a shield. Jeff watched as they jumped around and yelped and laughed, feeling so old that he almost couldn’t stand it. It wasn’t fair to Annie to be bullied by someone she was supposed to respect, someone who held so much power over her life.
“Anyway, don’t let Annie know I told you all of this,” Britta said. “She’s trying to fix it on her own. The dean says since there’s no proof that Duncan threatened or blackmailed her, and he’s already left Greendale, there’s not much more he can do.”
“What more does she want him to do?” Jeff asked.
“Well, she has it in her head that she can sue Duncan for blackmailing her,” Britta said carefully.
“Sue him? With what money? And with what proof?” Jeff said. “What idiot told her to sue him?”
“I’m looking at him right now,” Britta said.
Jeff tried to digest this. He had known about the blackmail, the threats, the everything, and then had told Annie she should sue someone? Wow, what was he smoking at the time?
“I don’t think she should sue him… she could have him arrested, if she had the proof,” Jeff said, chewing things over. It had been a while since he let his brain wander into Lawyer Land. Was this really happening? “Of course, getting it herself is a bad idea, but unless she can prove that he said something threatening towards her it’s unlikely we’ll get a search warrant…” he trailed off.
“Well, that’s our mission for today,” Britta said, wheeling him out the automated handicapped doors. “We’re going to go through Duncan’s office and try to find some kind of written proof that that jag was going to try to harm her.”
“Hey guys, what took you so long? We’ve been waiting,” Annie said, somewhat impatiently, turning to face them. “Abed, why don’t you go get the van?”
“Maybe we should let someone else drive,” Jeff said.
“Good idea-how about Troy?” Britta agreed.
“I’m on it!” Troy said, and turned to sprint the hundred feet to where Shirley’s minivan was parked.
“Hey, I have a message from Shirley!” Annie said excitedly, pulling her phone out of her purse. Britta and Abed also pulled their phones from their pockets.
“Me too,” said Britta.
“Yeah, so do I,” Abed said. Jeff sat silently, looking at each of them as they listened to their voicemails.
“Uh-oh you guys,” Annie said. As if on cue, Troy drove up to the curb where they were situated and waved his phone at them through the open window.
“Dude, I just got a voicemail from Shirley and she sounds piiiiisssseddd!” he said. “Jeff, you’re in trouble!”
“We’re all in trouble,” Annie said. “We’d better get you back to the hospital.”
“Why? What’s going on?” Jeff asked.
“The orderly came in to get your blood pressure and check your vitals, and you weren’t there. He thought maybe you were still in the cafeteria with us, but when he went to check, they said they hadn’t seen us come down, so he called Shirley, who is the second person on your emergency contact list, alphabetically,” Abed said matter-of-factly. “They tried Troy first, but he didn’t answer. Then they tried Annie, me, and Britta.”
“Oh-kay, so they think I escaped. What’s the big deal? We’ll get me back upstairs, make up a stupid excuse, and that’ll be the end of it,” Jeff said resignedly. “It was a fun day, but let’s face it, this couldn’t last forever.”
“True,” Abed said. “Looks like we’ll have to push our mission to tomorrow,” he said, putting an arm around Annie and hugging her close.
Jeff recoiled.
“No,” Jeff said. “Let’s do it.”
They all whipped their heads around to look at him at the same time.
“Are you sure?” Britta asked skeptically. “Because you should probably get some rest, you’re going to have surgery tomorrow.”
“Which is exactly why I should be there today to help with your secret mission. Since you guys have been there for me every day for almost a month. It’s time I returned the favor,” Jeff said, hoping his somewhat logical excuse would mask the true reason he wanted to go-to make sure they got the kind of evidence they would need to get a warrant out for Duncan, and to figure out what in the name of all things Abed was going on with Abed and Annie. Yes, I’m jealous, he decided, and I don’t care what that means.
Abed nodded at him. “Well, gang,” he said. “Sounds like we’ve got a real-life secret mission on our hands.”
Troy smiled from the driver’s seat, rubbed his palms together with a smile on his face, and said, “And the stakes have never been higher.”