time to play catch up. heres my last 584587406178 writings.
New Flames Become Dying Embers Part I
I do love you,
Too much for my own good.
Every time you're gone,
I'm compelled to pull us back in.
We used to be so close,
Inseparably in love.
But I could only be walked for so long,
Before I wanted to do the walking.
I don't want to get even,
I don't want to get you back.
I just want to be your friend,
But it seems that your idea of friendly is constant arguing.
Perhaps you care just the same,
Maybe thats why you stir the settled.
Maybe you know what's been done.
Are you too strong to declare your faults?
I want your friendship,
But I don't want your fighting.
New Flames Become Dying Embers Part II
I think I'm compelled to keep things copacetic,
When I'm really crying out for closure.
I've put more emotion, energy, and compassion into you than anything else.
I don't want it to be wasted,
But your vindictive violation is more pronounced that my platonic plea.
It was great while we were there,
But there has become nowhere.
What was once one has become a very distinct two.
I'll still love you, but the romance has been drained from my feelings for you.
The Tender Cry
I'm tortured by my desire,
Tormented by your absence.
You toy with me it seems.
Just when I think I'm alone,
You come around.
You whisper my name,
You touch my hand,
You curl your lip,
You stare with blazing eyes.
I feel you again, only for you to evanesce as your pattern calls for.
Now I'm searching for you,
Looking behind every corner,
Turning to see what's behind me.
When you're here, nothing else matters.
Yet when you're gone, nothing has meaning.
Life
For every hole I climb out of,
Two timbers are thrown in my path.
I get excited, I think I'm on top.
Only to turn the corner and see a new peak awaiting me.
When will this end?
Does it ever get easier?
Why do I face these constant struggles?
All I do is give my best for others,
Only for your worse to greet me.
Please don't leave me now,
When I need you the most.
When I'm so close to giving up,
Please carry me through the catastrophic wake.
The Connection
You've returned, if only for a short time.
I get excited every time you're here.
My heart beats a beat faster,
My lips smile more frequently,
My stomach flutters uncontrollably,
My fingers go number for all but your touch.
You don't seem to stay long anymore,
But you're always welcome to hang around.
There's no rush like your rush.
One Can Hope
It's still too early to tell,
But I think I like where this could be going.
It's been awhile,
And I'm pretty sure this is where it gets good.
The playful looks have matured into a graze of the shoulder,
A whisper in the ear,
A grasp for my hand.
I like to be sure before I dive in,
Even when I'm diving shallow.
Now's the time when I've pushed all of the others away.
Will I do the same with you?
Or will I want to take a chance?
Am I ready for you?
What if its all a misapprehension?
The near future will tell all.
Soon your fingertips on mine will transfer to your lips on mine,
Or it will regress to an awkward eye.
I'm counting on sunny skies for this one
Too Much Thought, Not Enough Felt
Why am I dreary with doubt?
All signs indicate to a smooth sail,
But I'm again afraid of rocky waters.
This has become recurring,
Happening every time I want to let someone in.
I get afraid,
Think I'm not worthy,
Think I'm not good enough.
But you took the initiative,
You told me to make the calls,
You took my hand,
You gave me that seductive stare.
My sinister semise is unwarranted,
Yet its barely undoubted.
Chaos and Destruction from Within
All I see are strange faces all around,
And I dont know when itll change.
Im hungry,
Im filthy,
Im crying out in despair.
You said you were there for me,
Said you wanted to pull me from this.
But your inaction leaves me wondering how much you really care.
Your selfish agenda preludes our helpless plite.
Im lost within these walls,
Fearful of my mortality.
I hear a baby in the dark,
Screaming what Im thinking.
When will this end,
This hellous incondition?
Please protect me from the immorality surrounding me,
Save me from the atrocity.
forbidden tryst
i cant believe it happened,
someone i didnt see as attainable.
that pillow changed everything,
and he was no longer in our way.
people can see hear what we say,
but they cant see what we do under that sheet.
we didnt rest until far after the moon had,
wondering if we would ever be there again.
what if they find out,
will things be the same?
we didnt play by the rules,
and now were exposed.
proud of what was shared,
afraid of what will be interpreted.
i hope that the world secretly shifts again,
because i loved the look in your eye.
fighting freedom
i didnt want it,
but now that ive got freedom i dont want to let go of it.
my newfound fear of commitment drives them away,
its happened before and im afraid it will happen now again.
how many great girls do i have to push away before im satisfied?
it seems like the ones that i should hold onto i let slip away,
and the ones that wont work out are the ones i cling to.
is it because of fear of loss?
a fear of losing that affection once its nearly gained,
or a fear of losing that independence that ive come to embrace?
i feel like im back in that diner a quarter ago,
contemplating where my future lies,
and with whom.
i havent been this overwhelmed by relationship potential since i walked through the rose bush,
and those scars have just faded.
My Imbroglio
i dont know what to do,
im torn in different directions.
were getting involved,
and im wondering if hell be more involved.
what if we fall apart?
will all of us split away?
what kind of trouble will brew?
and what about her?
i was getting lost in her,
no longer thinking i had a chance with you.
now ive got two heads,
and were both spinning.
my intentions were innocent,
perhaps too naive.
now im in the middle,
and i dont know which way to turn.
theres so much risk putting time into you,
so much liberation putting time into her.
im standing at the crossroads,
the place ive never been able to find on my map.
i couldve sworn i was being conned,
but now i feel like im the one whos been conning.
i like to stay off of this side of the table,
but apparently everyone has their day as the bad guy.