(no subject)
I'm turning 21 in a few weeks time. I don't know whether its too childish to start a diary but here I am. It's been a rough week with her. Her referring to the love of my life. I've lost Charyl, I just lost my best friend and right now I'm losing Slade. That's a lot of things/people to lose yeah I know. Feeling shitty but hey what can I do?
The feeling of losing her sucks more than anything else knowing that she only sees me as a friend whereas I see her as so much more. I don't even know where to start. And it hurts to hear her say such things to me. I see her being so cold towards me and yet she is happy with how things are. I googled "how to show a girl that you love her" and yet i see no useful answers there. Mainly cos I alr do all those things & somehow its not enough. She told me not to hold too high expectations towards us getting back tgt. But right now I'm damn determined to win her back, yup call me crazy. And currently I'm against this Jacky fella she met during canvassing. I just never thought this could happen; such betrayal I am feeling. Idk what I did to cause so much unhappiness in our r/s, but apparently she's hurt as hell.
It's raining right now & so cold & I feel so alone. I wish I could be snuggling next to her in bed. To hold her in my arms & have that long lost intimacy. But I can't. Last night we met up for a date as friends but to be honest I felt like we were tgt again. That feeling, I miss that. I've never been so determined to fight for anything or anyone in this life.
She told me that she can't be with someone like me. Bleak, depressed & yeah negative. I just always thought that she has accepted me but it seems I thought wrong. In all honesty I never have been unhappy when I'm with her. I am always happy. Over the past few weeks, she has tried to shun me away. I see her constantly texting, hanging out late & alcohol & clubbing.
I remember her telling me she loves the rain. And right now its raining.
The feeling of losing her sucks more than anything else knowing that she only sees me as a friend whereas I see her as so much more. I don't even know where to start. And it hurts to hear her say such things to me. I see her being so cold towards me and yet she is happy with how things are. I googled "how to show a girl that you love her" and yet i see no useful answers there. Mainly cos I alr do all those things & somehow its not enough. She told me not to hold too high expectations towards us getting back tgt. But right now I'm damn determined to win her back, yup call me crazy. And currently I'm against this Jacky fella she met during canvassing. I just never thought this could happen; such betrayal I am feeling. Idk what I did to cause so much unhappiness in our r/s, but apparently she's hurt as hell.
It's raining right now & so cold & I feel so alone. I wish I could be snuggling next to her in bed. To hold her in my arms & have that long lost intimacy. But I can't. Last night we met up for a date as friends but to be honest I felt like we were tgt again. That feeling, I miss that. I've never been so determined to fight for anything or anyone in this life.
She told me that she can't be with someone like me. Bleak, depressed & yeah negative. I just always thought that she has accepted me but it seems I thought wrong. In all honesty I never have been unhappy when I'm with her. I am always happy. Over the past few weeks, she has tried to shun me away. I see her constantly texting, hanging out late & alcohol & clubbing.
I remember her telling me she loves the rain. And right now its raining.