(no subject)
so, i dont know how im feeling anymore.
some things are going absolutely wonderful...
...but then others just flat out suck.
john and i have never been better, i have a really good feeling about this one. i hope more than anything that it lasts. he really is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
and gym is doin pretty good, even tho i never really go anymore, i just compete, and fortunately i still do good. *knock on wood*
but then theres all the shit thats STILL going badly.
ive tried so hard to let go. ive tried to forget. to stop caring. and i really thought things were gonna get better after we talked, but i guess not. wishful thinking i suppose. and if anything, things have gotten worse. more fake smiles, more fake hugs. it was easier before we talked.. when i had no hope. now that i was given hope, it hurts even more to be shot down. i dont know how to handle it anymore.
Debbie died monday night. im now a week behind in schoolwork bc i didnt do a single assignment last week or this weekend. i have an F in every class because of it. Cloie is so sad. im taking her for the weekend when she gets back from michigan. pam and i are gonna take her shopping and to get her nails done. im determined to be her big sister. she needs someone to turn to more than anything. i promised her the day i get my car im gonna drive to get her. and i will. bc i love her. and im doing it for debbie. Rest In Peace Debbie.
Mom hasnt really stopped crying either. and shes been in a pretty bad mood, which is understandable. then she'll have some emotional mood swings. we were sitting in the car 2 days ago and she turned to me and started crying and shes like "ur such a great kid, you really are the best daughter." and i was like um.. thanks? it was quite random. then she came into my room screaming at me last night around oh.. 9:15 and told me to get off the phone and go to bed.. i was like wtf.. its only 9:15! oh well.
ive had the hardest time sleeping this week =/. the only time i really sleep comfortably and peacefully is when johns with me and i can fall asleep on his chest. i just feel so... happy with him and it just makes me so at ease. i love him so much.
meg spent the night at my house on wednesday. i havent talked to her in so long. we used to be so close for like 11 years. then we were laying on my bed talking till 3:30 in the morning. i realized how much we've drifted and how much we've changed. i cried so much. but im gad we are close again. i needed more than anything to get close to her again.
ok well im done for now, thanks for listening =/.
thank [[you]] for still caring for me and still being my best friend. i love you
and thank ((you)) for being there for me. i love you forever dear.
Your Love Style is Agape
You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.
Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.
You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.
Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.
For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.
What's Your Love Style?
some things are going absolutely wonderful...
...but then others just flat out suck.
john and i have never been better, i have a really good feeling about this one. i hope more than anything that it lasts. he really is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
and gym is doin pretty good, even tho i never really go anymore, i just compete, and fortunately i still do good. *knock on wood*
but then theres all the shit thats STILL going badly.
ive tried so hard to let go. ive tried to forget. to stop caring. and i really thought things were gonna get better after we talked, but i guess not. wishful thinking i suppose. and if anything, things have gotten worse. more fake smiles, more fake hugs. it was easier before we talked.. when i had no hope. now that i was given hope, it hurts even more to be shot down. i dont know how to handle it anymore.
Debbie died monday night. im now a week behind in schoolwork bc i didnt do a single assignment last week or this weekend. i have an F in every class because of it. Cloie is so sad. im taking her for the weekend when she gets back from michigan. pam and i are gonna take her shopping and to get her nails done. im determined to be her big sister. she needs someone to turn to more than anything. i promised her the day i get my car im gonna drive to get her. and i will. bc i love her. and im doing it for debbie. Rest In Peace Debbie.
Mom hasnt really stopped crying either. and shes been in a pretty bad mood, which is understandable. then she'll have some emotional mood swings. we were sitting in the car 2 days ago and she turned to me and started crying and shes like "ur such a great kid, you really are the best daughter." and i was like um.. thanks? it was quite random. then she came into my room screaming at me last night around oh.. 9:15 and told me to get off the phone and go to bed.. i was like wtf.. its only 9:15! oh well.
ive had the hardest time sleeping this week =/. the only time i really sleep comfortably and peacefully is when johns with me and i can fall asleep on his chest. i just feel so... happy with him and it just makes me so at ease. i love him so much.
meg spent the night at my house on wednesday. i havent talked to her in so long. we used to be so close for like 11 years. then we were laying on my bed talking till 3:30 in the morning. i realized how much we've drifted and how much we've changed. i cried so much. but im gad we are close again. i needed more than anything to get close to her again.
ok well im done for now, thanks for listening =/.
thank [[you]] for still caring for me and still being my best friend. i love you
and thank ((you)) for being there for me. i love you forever dear.
Your Love Style is Agape
You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.
Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.
You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.
Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.
For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.
What's Your Love Style?