and if i live to be 102, i just don't think i'll ever get over you...
i don't know where i packed my paper journal, so i've resorted to making posts in my lj and myspace blogs. it's all so dirty...
i guess what i'm wondering is, do i have a personality flaw? i mean, i know i'm not the hottest girl on the block, but i'm not gonna lie, i'm not the ugliest either. i'm not even the fattest, although i'm fairly close. but isn't personality supposed to win out over all of that? and if that is the case, what the fuck is wrong with mine?
i'm certainly no stranger to being the best friend. it's like the story of my life. it always comes with some mighty fine drama too. like the time my best friend cheated on his girlfriend with me and then decided he hated me. that was a good one. or that other time when my best friend told me that for him our friendship had ended long ago... and his reason? peer pressure.
but lately i've also gotten to be second best. the good old plan b. can't get any ass tonight? call lisa, she's always a good time. it's okay that it's 2am... you spent the night out and couldn't find what you were looking for, but you DO have lisa's number... give it a try, who gives a fuck that she's sleeping? your girlfriend is out of town, or even better, has finally left your lame ass? see what lisa's up to. she was around before the girlfriend, why wouldn't she be around now?? girl a rejected you? hey, girl b (lisa) is bumming around, guaranteed... give her a ring, see if she wants to see a movie or go for a drive.
nothing too recently has triggered this. i guess it just built up, and in summer's true form, it's finally hitting me. i can't help but think of last summer. and the summer before. and even the summer before that. god, even the summer before that, before i went to college, and my friends and i went to new hampshire.
i guess i just don't understand why i am still alone.
i mean, i understand a little. i had the chance, and i rejected it. i hate the idea of being involved with someone who is overly involved with me.
i mean, really, isn't that the best? double bonus.. when i can get someone, i don't trust them. high five. i win the prize for being most dysfunctional.
i would love it if i didn't let this make me feel so sad. i would also love if i could get over the past.
in addition to all of this boy shit, i would love it if i could go to a friend's house, see people i've clearly seen before, and not feel to shy and antisocial to walk over and say hello. i don't know what the fuck my issue was tonight, but it sucked. i hate feeling like i suck at life.
i will stop my angsty post now. maybe one day soon i'll get my shit together. sorry about the lame ass posts until then...
i guess what i'm wondering is, do i have a personality flaw? i mean, i know i'm not the hottest girl on the block, but i'm not gonna lie, i'm not the ugliest either. i'm not even the fattest, although i'm fairly close. but isn't personality supposed to win out over all of that? and if that is the case, what the fuck is wrong with mine?
i'm certainly no stranger to being the best friend. it's like the story of my life. it always comes with some mighty fine drama too. like the time my best friend cheated on his girlfriend with me and then decided he hated me. that was a good one. or that other time when my best friend told me that for him our friendship had ended long ago... and his reason? peer pressure.
but lately i've also gotten to be second best. the good old plan b. can't get any ass tonight? call lisa, she's always a good time. it's okay that it's 2am... you spent the night out and couldn't find what you were looking for, but you DO have lisa's number... give it a try, who gives a fuck that she's sleeping? your girlfriend is out of town, or even better, has finally left your lame ass? see what lisa's up to. she was around before the girlfriend, why wouldn't she be around now?? girl a rejected you? hey, girl b (lisa) is bumming around, guaranteed... give her a ring, see if she wants to see a movie or go for a drive.
nothing too recently has triggered this. i guess it just built up, and in summer's true form, it's finally hitting me. i can't help but think of last summer. and the summer before. and even the summer before that. god, even the summer before that, before i went to college, and my friends and i went to new hampshire.
i guess i just don't understand why i am still alone.
i mean, i understand a little. i had the chance, and i rejected it. i hate the idea of being involved with someone who is overly involved with me.
i mean, really, isn't that the best? double bonus.. when i can get someone, i don't trust them. high five. i win the prize for being most dysfunctional.
i would love it if i didn't let this make me feel so sad. i would also love if i could get over the past.
in addition to all of this boy shit, i would love it if i could go to a friend's house, see people i've clearly seen before, and not feel to shy and antisocial to walk over and say hello. i don't know what the fuck my issue was tonight, but it sucked. i hate feeling like i suck at life.
i will stop my angsty post now. maybe one day soon i'll get my shit together. sorry about the lame ass posts until then...