I apologize in advance for remaining anonymous. We never met and we never will. I was surfing. Used to be a heavy drinker. I like your openness and sense of humor, and the way you relate to yourself. It scares and frustrates me that a nice{hate that word}and attractive woman like you is not correcting her issues. I think you have to face why you are so scared to talk to a male therapist and get to the heart of your sexual troubles. You are still young enough to resolve this. Hating yourself, and feeling inadequate (whether in general or regards sex) won't be removed without some good therapy. Drinking has become a secondary issue to anesthetize yourself from your anxieties and emotional pain. Okay, so you know all this and I'm sorry to appear preachy and lecture. But how long will you remain in denial? Of course since you are pretty (I am going by your picture and what your friends state), men will want sex from you. Perhaps after sex they will be more than part-object related. Perhaps not if they are psychologically immature. Soo, you will find out. Every relationship brings hurt sooner or later - like it or not. Some of the men will want sex not only because of your appearance but because of the way you interact - good, bad, or otherwise. It's virtually impossible to control how a man fantasizes about you; or, what unconscious meaning he places on your personality, appearance and mutual sex. Meanwhile you are inadvertently choosing to suffer now in the unrealistic hope that you won't suffer later. Yikes. When you are 38 or 48, you will really be kicking yourself in the ass, not psychology. Warmest regards, O.
Anonymity is fine, in fact it's why my journal sometimes sounds like a thirteen year olds.sowhatimdrunkMarch 29 2004, 20:00:41 UTC
You know what's really funny? (And by funny I mean kind of sad).
EVERYTHING I do is something that "...anesthitizes myself from my anxieties and emotonal pain."
But, hey, deosn't everyone?
I do appreciate what you are saying though, and I know how right you are about when I'll be 38-48 and kicking myself. Because I'm still kicking myself over shit I did in third grade. And junior high. And high school. And....
Re: Anonymity is fine, in fact it's why my journal sometimes sounds like a thirteen year olds.
anonymous
March 29 2004, 20:27:01 UTC
No. Everyone doesn't do it. And those that do, they do it much less than you. But who cares anyway if millions do it. If it's not the healthiest/smartest/happiest way to live, then the numbers are a rationalization for a false sense of security. And you didn't sound like 13 to me. Just a sufferer in pain. The fact you keep kicking yourself, is another indication you are into self-punishment. A question you can ask yourself, if you'd like: what am I really punishing myself for? What past and current thoughts and deeds do you find so unacceptable, so shameful, so evil, so lustful that you have to find ways to emotionally and behaviorally torture yourself. But, what the heck, I am beginning to sound tooo serious. Although you appreciate what I said (thank you), I wonder if you blew it all off anyway. I don't take it personally...I apologize for intruding. I'll be on my way now. But I do not want to blow you off, so if you have the slightest wish for me ever respond, just mention O. Wishing you the best. O.
It scares and frustrates me that a nice{hate that word}and attractive woman like you is not correcting her issues. I think you have to face why you are so scared to talk to a male therapist and get to the heart of your sexual troubles. You are still young enough to resolve this. Hating yourself, and feeling inadequate (whether in general or regards sex) won't be removed without some good therapy. Drinking has become a secondary issue to anesthetize yourself from your anxieties and emotional pain. Okay, so you know all this and I'm sorry to appear preachy and lecture. But how long will you remain in denial? Of course since you are pretty (I am going by your picture and what your friends state), men will want sex from you. Perhaps after sex they will be more than part-object related. Perhaps not if they are psychologically immature. Soo, you will find out. Every relationship brings hurt sooner or later - like it or not. Some of the men will want sex not only because of your appearance but because of the way you interact - good, bad, or otherwise. It's virtually impossible to control how a man fantasizes about you; or, what unconscious meaning he places on your personality, appearance and mutual sex. Meanwhile you are inadvertently choosing to suffer now in the unrealistic hope that you won't suffer later. Yikes. When you are 38 or 48, you will really be kicking yourself in the ass, not psychology. Warmest regards, O.
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EVERYTHING I do is something that "...anesthitizes myself from my anxieties and emotonal pain."
But, hey, deosn't everyone?
I do appreciate what you are saying though, and I know how right you are about when I'll be 38-48 and kicking myself. Because I'm still kicking myself over shit I did in third grade. And junior high. And high school. And....
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But it's so much better this way. So comment away, my friend, and if I don't respond it just means I can't think of anything to say.
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