absent friends
tomorrows been one year since the funeral, and i had to write this for creative writing
"The Letter I Almost Wrote"
i wrote these lines so many times
in my head and scribbled on paper
backs of milk cartons,
graffiti on phone booths when i
tried to make those calls.
maybe i shouldn't have
had sex on that beach, where everyone would know-
drank the damn place dry to the bottom of the keg-
dry heaving disappointed my parents by slamming the door.
Maybe I should have held hands-
we were just thirteen, but we'd
never been that old before.
I should have said yes when that girl
asked me to go to the movies-
i knew she wanted to, and so did I.
I asked- do you have any brothers or sisters?
or are you single?
Through it I want to
believe that Tyler will be
Tyler and still teach Molly how
to throw a football-
I'm sure she forgot since
the last time I taught her.
But for now, there's work to get done-
Check the knots,
Kiss mom goodnight,
Backpack empty but left by the door,
Gas in the car- full tank,
Alarm set, early enough to hit snooze once.
Will people ask if I suffered?
(Yes)
Will they ask if the brusies showed under my collar?
(Yes)
And I see a girl writing letters
saying "happy one year anniversary"
and they're signed,
"I wish you hadn't tried so hard to be so memorably forgotten."
"The Letter I Almost Wrote"
i wrote these lines so many times
in my head and scribbled on paper
backs of milk cartons,
graffiti on phone booths when i
tried to make those calls.
maybe i shouldn't have
had sex on that beach, where everyone would know-
drank the damn place dry to the bottom of the keg-
dry heaving disappointed my parents by slamming the door.
Maybe I should have held hands-
we were just thirteen, but we'd
never been that old before.
I should have said yes when that girl
asked me to go to the movies-
i knew she wanted to, and so did I.
I asked- do you have any brothers or sisters?
or are you single?
Through it I want to
believe that Tyler will be
Tyler and still teach Molly how
to throw a football-
I'm sure she forgot since
the last time I taught her.
But for now, there's work to get done-
Check the knots,
Kiss mom goodnight,
Backpack empty but left by the door,
Gas in the car- full tank,
Alarm set, early enough to hit snooze once.
Will people ask if I suffered?
(Yes)
Will they ask if the brusies showed under my collar?
(Yes)
And I see a girl writing letters
saying "happy one year anniversary"
and they're signed,
"I wish you hadn't tried so hard to be so memorably forgotten."