I only hate life back.
I haven't updated in over a week, which is unusual for me but honestly, I just didn't feel like bitching any more. I mean, what's the point of bitching about something unless you are going to take action? My only highlight this week was hanging out with John and Rich...something all three of us haven't done since before I went away to Rutgers back in August, and seeing Dee. Wow, 11 days go by and only two good things have happened and they were both back to back. Fuck, sometimes I just don't know what the point of life is and then sometimes I do know, and I'm just afraid to admit it. That life is pointless. Just a stream of stories and happenings that often get repeated and take place through different characters of different races, religions, creeds, nationalities, etc, etc. War will always be around. There is no such thing as Peace. Peace is the word inappropriately assigned to the time when there is no actual fighting caused by War. Racism will always be around. Why? Same reason there will always be war; H A T E. Disease will always be around because a good one-third of this World just doesn't know how to fucking be clean. Poverty exists from laziness and greed. Hate...hate will never die. Hate is easier than love. Love is confusing. Hate is simple. Does anyone have a really good reason to hate someone? No. Hate is easy. You get hit by someone in a motor vehicle accident. You instantly HATE that motherfucker for hitting you. How could they possibly do that? Now you have to call the police and contact your insurance company and sometimes you have to go to the hospital. Now you hate some cock sucker (probably an Asian and most definitely female) for a stupid accident. Hate is the lack of knowledge and understanding, which kind of links in laziness. I guess its some kind of vicious cycle, but I'm not gonna try and elaborate about it because what’s the point? People are dumb, too. They don't want to listen; yet they want to be led. We're all like dysfunctional sheep. Follow the herd, be afraid of the sheep dog, fear the wolf. We're the sheep; the sheep dog is the government and the wolf...well right those are terrorists. Think about it...
So yeah, like I said prior to my socio-political rant was that I got to hang out with John and Rich on Friday. Would have been a great night if two things had gone differently. 1: I didn't hit a pothole and bend my car rim, meaning I have to now go and find a replacement at a junkyard and get the tire fixed at Sears. 2: If we had actually done something. Rich was all about going out and doing something. I knew we wouldn't. Why? Because we never do. What did we do? Hung out and went and got food. Why? Because we always do. Granted we got delayed because of my flat tire. But then Rich was already out (I don't know why) and then we had to wait for him. Then John was playing a computer game (big stretch from the ordinary) and well I didn't get home until 4 AM. That was convenient because my ENTIRE FUCKING FLOOR WAS STILL AWAKE AND MAKING LOTS OF NOISE. So I blasted my TV to the "Deaf Grandma Volume" setting and started playing Day Of Defeat. Might as well kill people online instead of in real life. Didn't go to sleep until after 7ish. Ruined my Saturday.
Hung out with Dee. Relaxed, watched TV, yadda yadda yadda, slept. Was nice. Woke up with a headache. Ruined my Sunday. Had a headache aaaaaaallllll day. Even Dee wants to figure out why I get chronic headaches. Maybe its because my hair is pissed because it can't grow longer than 1/16 of an inch before I shave it. Yeah, I don't think so either but I don't know what else it is. Could be stress from hating Rutgers, hating my station in life, hating being broke, hating my car, hating me, and just plain hating everything. Why? Because it's simple...
Don't post if all you're going to write is "Don't worry Sovs, things will get better. I'm here for you. Insert Bullshit statement here." because it is bullshit. No of my friends call me up and say "Sovs, you alright? Let's hang out and talk." No. They post, get it off their chest and go on and expect me to do the same. I'm allowed to be depressed. And lately I have been. I can't get this restraining order shit out of my head. And after that dream with Curren that's been bothering me. I wish I had never met Maria in the first place. I wish I didn't have all of this aggression. I've subdued it so well for over two years yet in that same time period I've been fired from two jobs.
On a side note, does anyone know how I can make some cash on the side without committing any felonies (misdemeanors are OK) or playing LOTTO?
So yeah, like I said prior to my socio-political rant was that I got to hang out with John and Rich on Friday. Would have been a great night if two things had gone differently. 1: I didn't hit a pothole and bend my car rim, meaning I have to now go and find a replacement at a junkyard and get the tire fixed at Sears. 2: If we had actually done something. Rich was all about going out and doing something. I knew we wouldn't. Why? Because we never do. What did we do? Hung out and went and got food. Why? Because we always do. Granted we got delayed because of my flat tire. But then Rich was already out (I don't know why) and then we had to wait for him. Then John was playing a computer game (big stretch from the ordinary) and well I didn't get home until 4 AM. That was convenient because my ENTIRE FUCKING FLOOR WAS STILL AWAKE AND MAKING LOTS OF NOISE. So I blasted my TV to the "Deaf Grandma Volume" setting and started playing Day Of Defeat. Might as well kill people online instead of in real life. Didn't go to sleep until after 7ish. Ruined my Saturday.
Hung out with Dee. Relaxed, watched TV, yadda yadda yadda, slept. Was nice. Woke up with a headache. Ruined my Sunday. Had a headache aaaaaaallllll day. Even Dee wants to figure out why I get chronic headaches. Maybe its because my hair is pissed because it can't grow longer than 1/16 of an inch before I shave it. Yeah, I don't think so either but I don't know what else it is. Could be stress from hating Rutgers, hating my station in life, hating being broke, hating my car, hating me, and just plain hating everything. Why? Because it's simple...
Don't post if all you're going to write is "Don't worry Sovs, things will get better. I'm here for you. Insert Bullshit statement here." because it is bullshit. No of my friends call me up and say "Sovs, you alright? Let's hang out and talk." No. They post, get it off their chest and go on and expect me to do the same. I'm allowed to be depressed. And lately I have been. I can't get this restraining order shit out of my head. And after that dream with Curren that's been bothering me. I wish I had never met Maria in the first place. I wish I didn't have all of this aggression. I've subdued it so well for over two years yet in that same time period I've been fired from two jobs.
On a side note, does anyone know how I can make some cash on the side without committing any felonies (misdemeanors are OK) or playing LOTTO?