it's been cold.
it's frosty outside, very cold. Cold in Southern California degrees anyway. xD
it's really not that cold.. all you really need with a hoodie and a jacket and you'll be fine.. but i guess if you are constantly living down here it's cold. i mean, it was when i lived down here year-round.
Today was not interesting, really unsatisifying, really... empty-feeling.
I did a lot of writing today, but that seems to be all I've done lately. Wite. Write. Write. Write.
That's it.
It hasn't been anything meaningful, just ampty words, because I can't feel anything behind him. It's just words on the page to pass time.
Nothing important.
Nothing worth reading over.
It's never really important, but I write anyway because it's all I really know how to do when I feel empty and cold, even though I'm surrounded by the warmth of my family. I'm cold, always.
And everyone around me is warm and inviting. But I push them away most of the time, and no one in my family really knows this. They're too warm, and sometimes I am afraid that they will push me away if I show to them how I really feel. I know it isn't true, but that's how it feels and I've learned over the years that I can't deny what I feel. It's not good for me to do, and even making an attempt to hole it up inside makes it worse.
But showing the world what goes on scares me, because the world won't accept it. The world won't let me be who I want. This world. Here. It's hard. I can't show it here, because no one here, not even my family, can accept it. I'm different, I know that. You thing they'd notice it too, and really, I'm sure they do, but they just can't see things they way I see them. They don't understand, and I really don't think they ever will. They might think they get it, but I know they won't.
They end up hurting me, and They can't see how they damage me. I don't understand how They think like they know everything about me, what's best, what's worst, what's truth and what's a lie. I don't understand how they think They see me.
All I know is that what They see has nothing to do with the real me at all. It hurts to think that They won't ever be able see Me, but then again, maybe it's better that way.
Like I said, it's been cold...
the pieces are sticking hanging together by thin strands of an emotion i can't name, but the pieces are together now.
peace.
K-