(no subject)
The feeling to have come so far and to have lost so much
To have stumbled, walked, jogged and sprinted into darkness
Chasing some less distant star
Just as perfectly unreachable as the rest
Harmony bores me
The constant efforts at maintanance
Drive one mad with their
lack of response
I now understand the temptation
To destroy that which is beautiful
A power most infinite over that which is "good"
To smash a hand from the statue of David
Or to sign my name on the Mona Lisa
Each one's creation so painstakingly hewn
From life, blood and ego
But so easily and perfectly ruined
By the whimsical act of some dick with a hammer or pen
To be able to destroy can be infinitely more powerful
Than the power to create
I can't drip the discontent like tar from my tongue or hand
Or cut it from my chest with the major/minor sword already handled so well
But to pierce another with the finely smithed darts of truth, so consicely crafted?
Maybe...
Another's suffering makes one's plight less
Questions, questions, questions, questions, questions...
How dare I burden you with them?
How dare I think them?
Can I really be blamed?
It's not my fault
I can't be trusted
With my own heart, soul and being
I always seem to misplace them
All that I love is poisoned
Dying slowly
As I fail to gain what makes me feel whole
And so I second guess...
What is dying?
What I love or who I am?
The world around me...
Or me?
Either way, I wish it would end soon
I can't deal with this anymore
Every day, every single day
It hurts
The wound festers
I am infected
I am sick
Well neither in body, mind or spirit
You win this round, old friend...
You cornered me
You waved the bait
And like a fool I dive for it
You know it works, and so do I
How dare you use her
Like this? Like some piece of meat
If you were more than spirit I would hunt you
Follow you to the ends of the earth
And squeeze the life from your body with my own hands
If you could
You seemed to have figured out that it works
Because it worked for Dad
He pulled me from the darkness using the same bait
But different scent
It raised me from everything you pulled me back into
A daughter of God you used
How dare you
Such cowardice
Such cunning
There is no blade fit enough for that kind of sin
For that transgression
You are loathesome and weak
A coward, a cunning one, but a coward
If you had the substance to face God
To face me
Like the man you could have been
Then you might have the honor of a foe worth fighting
An enemy whose strength in battle is respected
But no
Your stealth is weakness
You ambiguity is weakness
And while I will be long dead by this time...
you will face what you have done
And then you will understand suffering
And if that is the only peace i will ever feel again
I will savor it
As the ambrosia of justice, that one day will be fulfilled
And right now it matters not
Whether I suffer beside you
because it really doesn't matter
Just as long as you do suffer
For eternity
Eternity
To have stumbled, walked, jogged and sprinted into darkness
Chasing some less distant star
Just as perfectly unreachable as the rest
Harmony bores me
The constant efforts at maintanance
Drive one mad with their
lack of response
I now understand the temptation
To destroy that which is beautiful
A power most infinite over that which is "good"
To smash a hand from the statue of David
Or to sign my name on the Mona Lisa
Each one's creation so painstakingly hewn
From life, blood and ego
But so easily and perfectly ruined
By the whimsical act of some dick with a hammer or pen
To be able to destroy can be infinitely more powerful
Than the power to create
I can't drip the discontent like tar from my tongue or hand
Or cut it from my chest with the major/minor sword already handled so well
But to pierce another with the finely smithed darts of truth, so consicely crafted?
Maybe...
Another's suffering makes one's plight less
Questions, questions, questions, questions, questions...
How dare I burden you with them?
How dare I think them?
Can I really be blamed?
It's not my fault
I can't be trusted
With my own heart, soul and being
I always seem to misplace them
All that I love is poisoned
Dying slowly
As I fail to gain what makes me feel whole
And so I second guess...
What is dying?
What I love or who I am?
The world around me...
Or me?
Either way, I wish it would end soon
I can't deal with this anymore
Every day, every single day
It hurts
The wound festers
I am infected
I am sick
Well neither in body, mind or spirit
You win this round, old friend...
You cornered me
You waved the bait
And like a fool I dive for it
You know it works, and so do I
How dare you use her
Like this? Like some piece of meat
If you were more than spirit I would hunt you
Follow you to the ends of the earth
And squeeze the life from your body with my own hands
If you could
You seemed to have figured out that it works
Because it worked for Dad
He pulled me from the darkness using the same bait
But different scent
It raised me from everything you pulled me back into
A daughter of God you used
How dare you
Such cowardice
Such cunning
There is no blade fit enough for that kind of sin
For that transgression
You are loathesome and weak
A coward, a cunning one, but a coward
If you had the substance to face God
To face me
Like the man you could have been
Then you might have the honor of a foe worth fighting
An enemy whose strength in battle is respected
But no
Your stealth is weakness
You ambiguity is weakness
And while I will be long dead by this time...
you will face what you have done
And then you will understand suffering
And if that is the only peace i will ever feel again
I will savor it
As the ambrosia of justice, that one day will be fulfilled
And right now it matters not
Whether I suffer beside you
because it really doesn't matter
Just as long as you do suffer
For eternity
Eternity