The (Big) Little Things
I had a stunning set of four fine wine glasses. One the colour of 'emerald', one 'sapphire', one 'amethyst' and one 'topaz' (but I don't like topaz, so I call it 'amber'). Organza bought them for me for my birthday in 2003. At the time, I thought it a little silly considering she knew I would have to get them back to Sydney, but I soon changed my mind about that and loved them. They became the 'drink-anything-alcoholic' glasses. I was the emerald glass (I've always loved emeralds) and Kharma's favourite stone (and birthstone) was sapphire, so that worked out perfectly.
Until...
Kharma broke her glass.
We were both horrified, and she was also very much upset. I don't think she knew how I was going to react to it, and seemed to be bracing herself for me to start throwing knives at her or something, but I was "oh well". Don't get me wrong, I was upset, and very disappointed, but it was an accident, I knew it, she knew it, and lets face it- in the scheme of life, it is only a glass.
Kharma spent weeks looking around all the shops to find someone that might have the set so she could replace it, but as these shops seem to do regularly- this piece was a kind of 'special edition', and less than a few months after receiving it, it was no longer available. I did keep the two pieces of the sapphire glass however, in the hopes that one day I might be able to find a glass specialist that might be able to *glue* the stem to the base again with a blob of molten glass. I'm not particularly bothered whether it's noticeable or not, but it seems such a pity to have one glass missing from an otherwise perfect (and beautiful) set.
Christmas 2004. Kharma was all excited about the Chrissy pressie she had found for me. She had done what each of us do every year- spending ages looking for the *perfect* present, and couldn't help teasing in the days leading up to Christmas. I opened the suspiciously sized box and found four more glasses. Once again they were 'emerald', 'sapphire', 'amber' and 'amethyst' (this one possibly closer to garnet), but with one big difference- these were goblets. "V" shaped but with a round bottom on a thick chunky stem- Kharma-proof. They were absolutely stunning.
These kind of took over from the wine glasses. I still loved the other glasses, but they now seemed incredibly fragile with their thin glass and thin stems. These on the other hand were chunkier, thicker glass and held nearly the same amount of -- well- alcohol ;). I resumed my 'emerald', Kharma her 'sapphire' and Legolas adopted the 'amber' (the 'amethyst' stayed in the box). We all knew our colours, and you always knew that you would have the one you wanted when you went to get a drink.
However a few weeks ago, I reached for my green glass, and was surprised. It wasn't there. Where was it? Had it been broken? Had I left it somewhere? I took a trip around the apartment but it wasn't to be seen anywhere. I started to worry. I called in to Kham and Legolas in her room, and sighed in relief when Kham said Legolas was using it. There was a momentary flash of annoyance- why was he using my glass? There are four goblets there! He knew that one was mine. But I quickly realised how silly I was being and reached for the sapphire one (to use it probably for the first time- ever). My drink tasted *nearly* as good.
But Kharma was acting weird last night. Suspiciously, like she had done something wrong and was expecting me to start throwing knives. It always amazes me that she behaves like this. I haven't flown off the handle at anything in many, many years now. I don't know whether her worry is based on how mad she would be in the same situation, or whether she still remembers all to clearly my temper in the past, either way, her nervousness made me nervous.
She'd broken something. At first I had no idea what she was talking about. Half my stuff was packed away. How would I know what had been broken or not? But she was really bothered about it, really not wanting to tell me what it was- so I knew it was bad.
It was one of the goblets.
"Oh well."
Don't get me wrong, I was upset, and if I was disappointed at losing one of the wine glasses, this could be multiplied by -- at least ten or so. But what can I say? It was an accident. She knew it, I knew it. Things get broken. In the big scheme of things, it is just a glass.
Probably the better news is that it was the amber one. If she had come to me and said "Hey 'Reigna, I have bad news, I broke one of your goblets. But I have an option to go back in time to change things. While I can't change breaking the glass, I can change which one gets broken. So you have a choice: which one would you prefer to lose?" I would have said either the amber or the amethyst. I'd have hated to lose the sapphire, but devestated to lose the emerald.
I started packing all my stuff up a month or so ago, and when I didn't see it there, I just presumed it was in the box with the other one. Legolas using my glass should actually have been a sign, but it wouldn't have changed anything had I picked up on it then (except possibly letting Kham off the hook a little sooner). I never even noticed it was missing until she told me. This one wasn't broken like the last wine glass though. The join between the stem and the base on the other was the weak point and it had been a clean snap. This apparently was beyond saving, and Kharma decided it was better for *who?* if I didn't see it.
It seems once again she spent weeks looking around for a replacement, but again it was a fashion. A limited edition- now unavailable. I know she's upset about what she's done. She loved those glasses too, but these things happen.
The silly thing about life is, we collect things. We collect pretty things, and girls tend to collect glasses. I have the most ridiculous amount of glasses you would ever believe (and I can't stand collecting unnecessary items). I have a set of 12 wine glasses (the sturdy ones like you find in bars with the short stem- I spent ages looking for them, cause I could never stand the long stems that risked getting knocked around and wine spilt all over you), a matching set of 12 flutes, a set of 12 'scotch' size glasses (oops, no- 11, Kham broke one of those too!), a set of 12 of the tall glasses, shot glasses of every size you could imagine, sterling silver goblets, pewter goblets.. on top of these two sets. But someone buys me a *nice* set of glasses, and one day one will get broken. If it hadn't have been her, sooner or later it would have been me. It happens. Then one day, either you find another set you can't walk away from and buy to replace the first set, or someone else buys you a new set. But do you throw away the first set? No. You keep it although there's one missing- cause it still means something to you. While it's no longer a complete set, the others are still good. Then one day the new set loses one. Do you do go out and buy another set? That's just silly. But even knowing it, sooner or later you will. And the cycle continues..
What I've been through in the last few weeks is kinda like my glasses. One got broken. Granted the consequences were a little more, and it isn't as easy to hide the disappointment behind an "oh well", but down the track when I look back on it, that's just going to be what it was. My set might be short a glass, but somewhere along the line, I'll pick up a new set and start again. Then I'll have another full set of beautiful glasses, and I'll still have my set with one missing. Perhaps life is just that; an attempt to keep everything perfect and together. In trying to maintain that, however, the shadows of the past will still be in the cupboards, cause they're just not that easy to part with, no matter how many are missing. One day perhaps the odd ones will finally disappear somehow. I may think back on them, either fondly or sadly at the loss, or perhaps I might never think of them again. Either way, the broken glass will be such a small thing. It will then be left to me to remember how lovely they were in their peak; appreciate what I had, when I had it, and when I lose it- I start again.