(no subject)
my mom says that i am just like her. I was talking to her a second ago before my phone lost connection. I was telling her about the problems in my life right now.. right now as in right now... days. I was curious and asked her how so? She tells me that "we" don't play games. We dont like games being played on us, and if we want to know something, we have to know it now. Or i think thats what she said. She said we don't like to be hanging on a string. There is no cat and mouse, and if there was, we'd be the cat. We hate waiting to find out things. We hate sitting around not knowing what is going on. And it's not only with relationship things, it's everything. We like to hear a reply. We love to know EXACTLY how you feel about something... about me... about us.
What would i do without her? She is everything to me. I can seriously tell her everything. I can't lie to her. There is just no if's and's or but's about it. Besides, she knows everything anyways. She's some kinda pshychic or something. The other night I told her that i smoked again, and she just smiled at me, and says, "no shit." ha. I laughed and asked her how she knew. She said she just did. hmmm... maybe the whole leaving for 10 mins finally caught up to me? ha. naw.
i'm a troubled person right now. I dont like a few people right now... like REALLY dont lke a few people. i don't hate though. Hate is a strong word. even though i might say, "oh I hate that person!" it's not true. i don't hate. wierd.
So i just watched a few movies lately. probably some of the best movies i've seen in years...
Mysterious Skin and Brick. They both have that guy from 3rd rock from the sun, you know that younger kid. In mysterious skin, he plays this kid whole get's molested as a child and grows up pretty fucked up, he's also gay... but SUPER hott tooo. i'd do him right away. haha. But anyways, its a pretty twisted film.. very provacative and sexually graphic. I love it. It's dark and disturbing also. You have to see it to know what i'm talking about. It's funny cause me and my cousin Heather both watched it and we both are in love with the gay one [[3rd rock from sun boy]], mmm. The other movie Brick, well, it's wayyy hard to explain. It has drugs and murder in. And a really fuckin good plot to it. The main character is also the kid from 3rd rock. It's gooood.
I've been in movie mode lately i guess. There really isn't anything else to do. I am suppose to go hang out with Vic... but i have no way to get to hollywood... i mean.. i dunno about hanging out with him. he likes me a lot and i haven't even met him... but he is cute. lol. from what i've seen on his myspace. HA. myspace.. der.
I want to start drawing again... I also need to catch up on my paintings. I'm suppose to do a painting for mateo.. Of angelina jolie... but i'm not sure if he's even talking to me anymore. I haven't heard from him in a while. He never calls me back. Honestly. He frusrates me to hell. i kinda want to strangle him. Really bad. Reading this mateo? probably not. ha. oh well. I hate you [[note: what i said about hate earlier in this entry.]] ;] I'm just wondering... was my first impression of you right? lol. possibly. Hope not. But i'm not ruling out that figure. And if you do read these... why no feedback? you frustrate me. I should probably just talk to you when i get home. This is a journal entry by the way. So it's just mainly thoughts running through my head that i want to write down. It's interesting to go back on anyway.
i just want to know if you are seriously mad that i left for a week and a half.. even though i told you... you didnt reply to that. I don't know. I mean, we're not together.. [[that thought has crossed my mind though... you and me together. not sure what to think of that.]] But it seems that you are just pushing me away. Probably found another girl or something. i mean, that's great and all, but i'd like to not be messed with that way. I'm pretty sure i've told you before that i've been hurt one too many times. I like you too much to think this way, but i will. You call me sweetie, which makes me smile. But that's just a word. You say you like me... But that could be temporary. You say you don't want to put all this time and effort in for me to just move... well... so far i haven't really expirienced this time and effort thing. It was amazing the few times i've hung out with you. It really was. I was like, is this for real? is this guy for real? We clicked. You told me your heart dropped when you saw me at work [[tr2]] was that for real? i'm getting confused by these signals and things you keep handing to me.. like texting me at 3 am to tell me you missed me. I don't get those anymore. I loved when you wanted me to go with you to bring your stuff to the studio. It was happy night for me. I love that we share the same sense of humor. but...=/ i don't get phone calls like that anymore... I mean it could be that i'm just stuck here in So cal for the time being and there is nothing to do about it....... I love getting cute text messages... but i don't get those. I can't do this. Wait, you know what my problem is? i fall to fast. that's what it is. Period. and it hurts me in the long run. But i guess i'm just one of those hopeless romantic types... and don't like to admit it. I'm in love with love.
What the hell am i saying!?
I've only known this guy for what.. 3 weeks if that? jeeze. can i be that foolish? I guess i can be. My friend jordan just had his heart broken because of a girls lies.. saying that she loved him and he was the only one for her... when she was really dating this other guy at the same time she was saying this shit. Fuck that girl. He told me i deserve someone who would be happy to text me everyday, call me and tell me he missed me everyday that i was gone. Even if he was busy. A phone call only takes a second. and a text takes less. He told me not to deal with bullshit. I don't. When i get hurt by someone..i want them dead to me, i don't want to think about them or see them.. it's hard... but eventually it happens.
Oh man
all this venting and shit. i guess it's good for me in a way. Don't judge me based on what i write here. It's my mind. And that's what i am thinking Right now.
What would i do without her? She is everything to me. I can seriously tell her everything. I can't lie to her. There is just no if's and's or but's about it. Besides, she knows everything anyways. She's some kinda pshychic or something. The other night I told her that i smoked again, and she just smiled at me, and says, "no shit." ha. I laughed and asked her how she knew. She said she just did. hmmm... maybe the whole leaving for 10 mins finally caught up to me? ha. naw.
i'm a troubled person right now. I dont like a few people right now... like REALLY dont lke a few people. i don't hate though. Hate is a strong word. even though i might say, "oh I hate that person!" it's not true. i don't hate. wierd.
So i just watched a few movies lately. probably some of the best movies i've seen in years...
Mysterious Skin and Brick. They both have that guy from 3rd rock from the sun, you know that younger kid. In mysterious skin, he plays this kid whole get's molested as a child and grows up pretty fucked up, he's also gay... but SUPER hott tooo. i'd do him right away. haha. But anyways, its a pretty twisted film.. very provacative and sexually graphic. I love it. It's dark and disturbing also. You have to see it to know what i'm talking about. It's funny cause me and my cousin Heather both watched it and we both are in love with the gay one [[3rd rock from sun boy]], mmm. The other movie Brick, well, it's wayyy hard to explain. It has drugs and murder in. And a really fuckin good plot to it. The main character is also the kid from 3rd rock. It's gooood.
I've been in movie mode lately i guess. There really isn't anything else to do. I am suppose to go hang out with Vic... but i have no way to get to hollywood... i mean.. i dunno about hanging out with him. he likes me a lot and i haven't even met him... but he is cute. lol. from what i've seen on his myspace. HA. myspace.. der.
I want to start drawing again... I also need to catch up on my paintings. I'm suppose to do a painting for mateo.. Of angelina jolie... but i'm not sure if he's even talking to me anymore. I haven't heard from him in a while. He never calls me back. Honestly. He frusrates me to hell. i kinda want to strangle him. Really bad. Reading this mateo? probably not. ha. oh well. I hate you [[note: what i said about hate earlier in this entry.]] ;] I'm just wondering... was my first impression of you right? lol. possibly. Hope not. But i'm not ruling out that figure. And if you do read these... why no feedback? you frustrate me. I should probably just talk to you when i get home. This is a journal entry by the way. So it's just mainly thoughts running through my head that i want to write down. It's interesting to go back on anyway.
i just want to know if you are seriously mad that i left for a week and a half.. even though i told you... you didnt reply to that. I don't know. I mean, we're not together.. [[that thought has crossed my mind though... you and me together. not sure what to think of that.]] But it seems that you are just pushing me away. Probably found another girl or something. i mean, that's great and all, but i'd like to not be messed with that way. I'm pretty sure i've told you before that i've been hurt one too many times. I like you too much to think this way, but i will. You call me sweetie, which makes me smile. But that's just a word. You say you like me... But that could be temporary. You say you don't want to put all this time and effort in for me to just move... well... so far i haven't really expirienced this time and effort thing. It was amazing the few times i've hung out with you. It really was. I was like, is this for real? is this guy for real? We clicked. You told me your heart dropped when you saw me at work [[tr2]] was that for real? i'm getting confused by these signals and things you keep handing to me.. like texting me at 3 am to tell me you missed me. I don't get those anymore. I loved when you wanted me to go with you to bring your stuff to the studio. It was happy night for me. I love that we share the same sense of humor. but...=/ i don't get phone calls like that anymore... I mean it could be that i'm just stuck here in So cal for the time being and there is nothing to do about it....... I love getting cute text messages... but i don't get those. I can't do this. Wait, you know what my problem is? i fall to fast. that's what it is. Period. and it hurts me in the long run. But i guess i'm just one of those hopeless romantic types... and don't like to admit it. I'm in love with love.
What the hell am i saying!?
I've only known this guy for what.. 3 weeks if that? jeeze. can i be that foolish? I guess i can be. My friend jordan just had his heart broken because of a girls lies.. saying that she loved him and he was the only one for her... when she was really dating this other guy at the same time she was saying this shit. Fuck that girl. He told me i deserve someone who would be happy to text me everyday, call me and tell me he missed me everyday that i was gone. Even if he was busy. A phone call only takes a second. and a text takes less. He told me not to deal with bullshit. I don't. When i get hurt by someone..i want them dead to me, i don't want to think about them or see them.. it's hard... but eventually it happens.
Oh man
all this venting and shit. i guess it's good for me in a way. Don't judge me based on what i write here. It's my mind. And that's what i am thinking Right now.