(no subject)
FIRST THINGS FIRST: To the LoyNO fam, I truly do miss you guys terribly. I wouldn't have gotten through last semester without you, would have left by my birthday and not looked back, but I found an amazing group of people to help me through and knowing that y'all are back in New Orleans and I'm up on LI... it feels kind of like my heart is breaking. I don't think I'll ever make a group of friends like that again, and I really believe that each and every one of the people I sat with at our GIANT ASS dinner table almost every night had a hand in changing my life. I know now that school is starting I'll be talking to everyone online and through LJ much more, but I hope and pray you guys have an AWESOME first semester all around and I can't wait to see you. PS- I'm coming down the weekend of October 27 (times to be finalized) so watch your vajay-jays.
And now, onto the update!
I officially label Summer 2006 THE WORST SUMMER EVER. I also officially call this day, August 25, the start of Fall 2006. Fuck the calendar, fuck the moon cycles and season changes.
Fall starts today so Summer can be behind me.
Why summer has sucked, in a nutshell:
- I got fired from my second job after three weeks for an asinine reason that, while I know it was my fault and fully deserved, devastated me for weeks;
- I worked 15 hours a week at the florist if I was lucky and had to deal with my oldest friend treating me like all I was capable of was bitch work- and when I finally called her on it a few days ago, we resorted to a nasty name-calling extravaganza that I don't think either of us realized we were capable of;
- Three loan applications were denied and because I do not have $45,000 laying around, I had to withdraw from NYU. This was the biggest blow of the summer, and there's still a small ache of disappointment in the back of my head where I've stored the knowledge that I failed so completely at something I set out to do. Money has always been an issue but only now have I been judged equally by my ability and my financial status. I was always taught the former was more important. NYU, apparently, thinks differently.
-Various arguments with my mother with the results being (in no particular order), I was: incarceration, with incarcaration, kicked out of my house, voluntarily left my house and car, invited back into my house, verbally assaulted over the phone at work, responsible for paying one month of the mortgage, ignored entirely for almost four days, and being lectured for nearly an hour last night about the dangers of drinking/doing drugs and driving, because my mother "just doesn't know about [me] anymore."
***Side note: I still consider my relationship with my parents a good, if bipolar, one. There's also been a lot of shit they've helped me with this summer, like telling me that it is OK to not be able to fully support myself at 19, and that while the time for Kim to move out and get an apartment of her own is fast approaching, it's not here yet.***
All in all, NOT a good summer.
So, after still three more weeks of sulking and feeling bad for myself and half-waiting for life to show me how to fix everything I'd managed to fuck up this summer, I forced everything into place. The Summer of Suck stops NOW. I finalized a second job at a Physical Therapy office, starting Thursday. Yesterday, I started at the Wantagh-Levittown Volunteer Ambulance Corps, which does EMS and EMT training, but I'm switching to Mondays. Today, I finalized my schedule at Nassau Community and paid (which is an incredible feeling, writing one check and knowing that college is paid for, that no scary loan paperwork will follow me for the next 20 years.... it was pretty damn cool) and went to SUNY Farmingdale to register for the one class I need that's full at Nassau. The schedule now looks like this:
Monday:
Florist 9:00-11:30
Oceanography 12:30-1:45 (I had to register for this to make my status full time, but I'm super excited anyway)
WLVAC training 8:00-11 or 12
Tuesday:
Statistics 8:30-9:45
Physical Therapy 2:00-8:30
Wednesday:
Florist 9:00-11:30
Oceanography 12:30-1:45
Sociology 2:00-4:45
Thursday:
Statistics 8:30-9:45
Physical Therapy 2:00-8:30
Friday:
Statistics 8:30-9:45
Psychology 2:00-4:45
Saturday:
Anatomy and Physiology at Farmingdale 11:35-5:05
Sunday:
Florist 9:00 to whenever
I'm done riding the rollercoaster that has been Summer 2006. I'm stopping it now and getting off before the whole things collapses and I die in a firey wreckage. That's not to say the same won't happen with this new path I've started. But at least I have an idea of what to look out for, what to avoid, and how to bite and claw my way through anything that tries to fuck with me. Nine times out of ten it's worked.
So is this a good way to live? Not really, not yet. But I'm getting there. I've convinced myself that my common thread through life is all of the adventures I've taken, but that's just a revision of an old motto I've been saying much longer: Something is better than nothing at all. So as long as I have something worked out, it'll be an adventure getting the rest where it should be. So all in all, Kim is back, kids. I'll be working and running around like a chicken with its head cut off and I'll be updating LJ with pointlessness about papers and all that jazz. New season, new leaf, new school, new start.
And that's how I spent my summer vacation.
And now, onto the update!
I officially label Summer 2006 THE WORST SUMMER EVER. I also officially call this day, August 25, the start of Fall 2006. Fuck the calendar, fuck the moon cycles and season changes.
Fall starts today so Summer can be behind me.
Why summer has sucked, in a nutshell:
- I got fired from my second job after three weeks for an asinine reason that, while I know it was my fault and fully deserved, devastated me for weeks;
- I worked 15 hours a week at the florist if I was lucky and had to deal with my oldest friend treating me like all I was capable of was bitch work- and when I finally called her on it a few days ago, we resorted to a nasty name-calling extravaganza that I don't think either of us realized we were capable of;
- Three loan applications were denied and because I do not have $45,000 laying around, I had to withdraw from NYU. This was the biggest blow of the summer, and there's still a small ache of disappointment in the back of my head where I've stored the knowledge that I failed so completely at something I set out to do. Money has always been an issue but only now have I been judged equally by my ability and my financial status. I was always taught the former was more important. NYU, apparently, thinks differently.
-Various arguments with my mother with the results being (in no particular order), I was: incarceration, with incarcaration, kicked out of my house, voluntarily left my house and car, invited back into my house, verbally assaulted over the phone at work, responsible for paying one month of the mortgage, ignored entirely for almost four days, and being lectured for nearly an hour last night about the dangers of drinking/doing drugs and driving, because my mother "just doesn't know about [me] anymore."
***Side note: I still consider my relationship with my parents a good, if bipolar, one. There's also been a lot of shit they've helped me with this summer, like telling me that it is OK to not be able to fully support myself at 19, and that while the time for Kim to move out and get an apartment of her own is fast approaching, it's not here yet.***
All in all, NOT a good summer.
So, after still three more weeks of sulking and feeling bad for myself and half-waiting for life to show me how to fix everything I'd managed to fuck up this summer, I forced everything into place. The Summer of Suck stops NOW. I finalized a second job at a Physical Therapy office, starting Thursday. Yesterday, I started at the Wantagh-Levittown Volunteer Ambulance Corps, which does EMS and EMT training, but I'm switching to Mondays. Today, I finalized my schedule at Nassau Community and paid (which is an incredible feeling, writing one check and knowing that college is paid for, that no scary loan paperwork will follow me for the next 20 years.... it was pretty damn cool) and went to SUNY Farmingdale to register for the one class I need that's full at Nassau. The schedule now looks like this:
Monday:
Florist 9:00-11:30
Oceanography 12:30-1:45 (I had to register for this to make my status full time, but I'm super excited anyway)
WLVAC training 8:00-11 or 12
Tuesday:
Statistics 8:30-9:45
Physical Therapy 2:00-8:30
Wednesday:
Florist 9:00-11:30
Oceanography 12:30-1:45
Sociology 2:00-4:45
Thursday:
Statistics 8:30-9:45
Physical Therapy 2:00-8:30
Friday:
Statistics 8:30-9:45
Psychology 2:00-4:45
Saturday:
Anatomy and Physiology at Farmingdale 11:35-5:05
Sunday:
Florist 9:00 to whenever
I'm done riding the rollercoaster that has been Summer 2006. I'm stopping it now and getting off before the whole things collapses and I die in a firey wreckage. That's not to say the same won't happen with this new path I've started. But at least I have an idea of what to look out for, what to avoid, and how to bite and claw my way through anything that tries to fuck with me. Nine times out of ten it's worked.
So is this a good way to live? Not really, not yet. But I'm getting there. I've convinced myself that my common thread through life is all of the adventures I've taken, but that's just a revision of an old motto I've been saying much longer: Something is better than nothing at all. So as long as I have something worked out, it'll be an adventure getting the rest where it should be. So all in all, Kim is back, kids. I'll be working and running around like a chicken with its head cut off and I'll be updating LJ with pointlessness about papers and all that jazz. New season, new leaf, new school, new start.
And that's how I spent my summer vacation.