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This is literally one of the funnier stories I have heard in a LONGGG time. It is real. This is taken from a xanga from a friend of a good friend. Thank you for all the laughs friend of a good friend...
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Today my good friend called me while I was at the grocery store because he needed my address. I didn't want to talk on the phone while being rung up, because that's rude, so I stepped out of line to take the call. I gave him my address, he told me how his classes were going so far, we referenced a brief inside joke and then we hung up. The conversation, from hello to goodbye, took exactly one minute and twenty-three seconds. It was, in fact, so brief that I was able to regain my place in line with no hassle.
Now, normally this would not be a point of interest. Let's, however, compare and contrast it with a conversation that took place yesterday between myself and Unprofessional Memories, just for the hell of it.
Here's the backstory: UM needed to send me a 1099 form, since I'm considered an "independent contractor," and the business manager, Carol, needed my social security number and my updated address. She'd left me two messages explaining this, so I understood that all I needed to do was call her back and give her those two things.
Our conversation went something like this:
Carol: Unprofessional Memories, this is Carol, how can I help you?
Me: Hi Carol, it's K____ G_______. I was returning your call to give you my information so you can send me the 1099 form.
Carol: Okay. What's your SSN?
Me: My SSN is 000-00-1535
Carol: Okay. That's ... 000-00-1534?
Me: No, actually, the last digit is a five, not a four.
Carol: What four?
Me: Oh, the number is actually 000-00-1535, not 1534.
Carol I don't understand.
Me: Oh - okay - well, my social security number is 000-00-1535.
Carol Where's the four?
Me: Oh, there actually isn't a four.
[Carol repeats it two more times, out loud, before saying:]
Carol Actually, I'm up at the register and there are a lot of customers. Let me go in the back. [Sounds of her walking, while I freak out because she just read my SSN to "a lot of customers", then] Much better. Okay. So what's your number?
Me: 000-00-1535.
Carol: Great, thanks. Thanks for calling -
Me: Oh wait, can I give you my new address, too?
Carol: Oh. Yes.
Me: Okay. It's 1111 Nobel Dr #11, San Diego, CA 92122
Carol: How do you spell that?
Me: Nobel is N-O-B-E-L
Carol: M-O-V-E-L?
Me: No. Um - N as is "No," O, B as in "Basketball," E, L.
Carol: Novel?
Me: Nobel.
Carol: Movel?
Me: Nobel
Carol: Can you spell that for me?
Me: It's N-O-B-E-L. Nobel, like the peace prize. Nobel.
Carol: Novel?
Me: Um, Nobel. N as in Nevada, O as in Orange, B as in blueberry, E as in elephant, L as in lightbulb. Nobel. Nobel? Like the Noble Peace Prize?
At this point, Colleen comes out of the bedroom, laughing hysterically. WHAT IS GOING ON? she mouths. WHY DOES THIS PERSON NOT GET IT?
Carol says, "You're going to have to tell me again. Is it Mowell?"
"Nobel," I say again, helplessly, because I can't think of any clearer way to describe it. (Nobel Drive, for the record, is an exit off I-5).
And this continues. I do not exaggerate; I will show you, on my call log, how long this conversation took if you don't believe me; or you can ask Colleen, who's still laughing at my failed attempts to give this woman my address.
Finally, she thinks she's got it. Confidently, she says, "Okay, let me read it back to you. 1111 Novel Drive?"
"Yes," I say. "Great. Thank you." And I hang up, because in the end, it's just not worth it. I fold. And hopefully the form will get to me anyway.
(I still wonder, though. Does this woman play vasketball and eat vlueverries?)
And the amount of time all this took? (Keeping in mind that she was the ONLY person I talked to and there were absolutely no pleasantries exchanged, just the SSN and the address, of course.) This took seven minutes and forty seconds exactly.
But this, dear friends, suddenly made it abundantly clear to me how I was paid in store credit, since Carol is UM's business manager. It also reminded me why I'm so, so glad I do not work there.
... For now.
Love,
k____
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Today my good friend called me while I was at the grocery store because he needed my address. I didn't want to talk on the phone while being rung up, because that's rude, so I stepped out of line to take the call. I gave him my address, he told me how his classes were going so far, we referenced a brief inside joke and then we hung up. The conversation, from hello to goodbye, took exactly one minute and twenty-three seconds. It was, in fact, so brief that I was able to regain my place in line with no hassle.
Now, normally this would not be a point of interest. Let's, however, compare and contrast it with a conversation that took place yesterday between myself and Unprofessional Memories, just for the hell of it.
Here's the backstory: UM needed to send me a 1099 form, since I'm considered an "independent contractor," and the business manager, Carol, needed my social security number and my updated address. She'd left me two messages explaining this, so I understood that all I needed to do was call her back and give her those two things.
Our conversation went something like this:
Carol: Unprofessional Memories, this is Carol, how can I help you?
Me: Hi Carol, it's K____ G_______. I was returning your call to give you my information so you can send me the 1099 form.
Carol: Okay. What's your SSN?
Me: My SSN is 000-00-1535
Carol: Okay. That's ... 000-00-1534?
Me: No, actually, the last digit is a five, not a four.
Carol: What four?
Me: Oh, the number is actually 000-00-1535, not 1534.
Carol I don't understand.
Me: Oh - okay - well, my social security number is 000-00-1535.
Carol Where's the four?
Me: Oh, there actually isn't a four.
[Carol repeats it two more times, out loud, before saying:]
Carol Actually, I'm up at the register and there are a lot of customers. Let me go in the back. [Sounds of her walking, while I freak out because she just read my SSN to "a lot of customers", then] Much better. Okay. So what's your number?
Me: 000-00-1535.
Carol: Great, thanks. Thanks for calling -
Me: Oh wait, can I give you my new address, too?
Carol: Oh. Yes.
Me: Okay. It's 1111 Nobel Dr #11, San Diego, CA 92122
Carol: How do you spell that?
Me: Nobel is N-O-B-E-L
Carol: M-O-V-E-L?
Me: No. Um - N as is "No," O, B as in "Basketball," E, L.
Carol: Novel?
Me: Nobel.
Carol: Movel?
Me: Nobel
Carol: Can you spell that for me?
Me: It's N-O-B-E-L. Nobel, like the peace prize. Nobel.
Carol: Novel?
Me: Um, Nobel. N as in Nevada, O as in Orange, B as in blueberry, E as in elephant, L as in lightbulb. Nobel. Nobel? Like the Noble Peace Prize?
At this point, Colleen comes out of the bedroom, laughing hysterically. WHAT IS GOING ON? she mouths. WHY DOES THIS PERSON NOT GET IT?
Carol says, "You're going to have to tell me again. Is it Mowell?"
"Nobel," I say again, helplessly, because I can't think of any clearer way to describe it. (Nobel Drive, for the record, is an exit off I-5).
And this continues. I do not exaggerate; I will show you, on my call log, how long this conversation took if you don't believe me; or you can ask Colleen, who's still laughing at my failed attempts to give this woman my address.
Finally, she thinks she's got it. Confidently, she says, "Okay, let me read it back to you. 1111 Novel Drive?"
"Yes," I say. "Great. Thank you." And I hang up, because in the end, it's just not worth it. I fold. And hopefully the form will get to me anyway.
(I still wonder, though. Does this woman play vasketball and eat vlueverries?)
And the amount of time all this took? (Keeping in mind that she was the ONLY person I talked to and there were absolutely no pleasantries exchanged, just the SSN and the address, of course.) This took seven minutes and forty seconds exactly.
But this, dear friends, suddenly made it abundantly clear to me how I was paid in store credit, since Carol is UM's business manager. It also reminded me why I'm so, so glad I do not work there.
... For now.
Love,
k____