when all else erodes (Green/Red, one-shot)
Title: when all else erodes
Rating: G
Word Count: 1600
Genre: Angst/Family (and not the cute kind)
Series: Pokémon
Characters/Pairings: Green/Red, Green's family, Red's parents, Leaf
Warnings: unhappy families
Summary: Green and Red are not their parents. But that doesn't mean the ghosts of those failures can't still haunt them.
A/N: Writing exercise that kind of exploded into fail, especially towards the end when I stopped telling the story and just started rambling. Blargh. Please do not be too harsh on my typos.
when all else erodes
"It'll just be for a week at most, dad. Please."
Green shifts slightly in the back of his father's car, keeping his eyes closed and wishing he weren't already awake. He leans quietly against his sister, who is breathing evenly, still asleep. Green can hear his grandfather's muffled sigh over the phone.
"What'll you do if it doesn't work out this time?" his grandfather asks.
There's a slight pause. "I don't know," his father admits. "Maybe we'll try again. But this will probably be the last time."
"You should keep trying, for the sake of your kids. Find a different marriage counselor."
"I know, Dad, I know. Why do you think we're still trying?" his father says a little too loudly.
Green shifts again, this time to make himself smaller since he has learned that that is the best way to deal whenever people start screaming. His father glances back over his shoulder to check on Green, but Green's gotten good at pretending to be asleep.
"I know," he says more subdued this time. "But it's not fair to them either."
"I told you you should've married Akane1."
"Yeah, yeah," his father says.
Outside, Green can make out Viridian City's landmarks behind the brightly-lit neon signs that fly by, and knows that they are close to Pallet. Green is only five, but he still remembers enough that he doesn't have fond memories of that place.
"Hey kids, wake up. We're almost at Grandpa's," his father whispers when they are five minutes from their grandfather's ranch. Beside him, Nanami barely stirs, making soft, sleepy protests for another five minutes. Green simply opens his eyes. He fixes his gaze on the back of his father's head.
"Your mother and I, we have some things we need to do. Some grown up things. There are some things we need to figure out, and while we do that, we need you two to be good for Grandpa, okay?"
Nanami nods slowly, accepting their father's lies so easily. She has always been the better of the two, between her and her brother. Green, though, doesn't say anything.
"When we come get you, we can all go to the beach together. Me and mom and the both of you. You'd like that wouldn't you?"
Nanami nods again, having climbed out the car already, and their father pats her on the head. But when his father looks for that acceptance in him, all Green does is stare back at him accusingly with his five-year-old green eyes (his mother's eyes).
"We'll come back soon," his father says.
Liar, Green thinks, and he can see his own mistrust reflected back in his father's eyes.
Neither of them ever do come back.
*
There are certain things Red is used to in his life. He is used to being woken up by the sound of his mother's singing in the mornings. He is used to the smell of her delicious home-cooked breakfasts wafting into his room, which is what eventually pulls him out of bed, and the bright smile she greets him with when he pads into the kitchen.
There are other things he was once used to, but have now forgotten.
Once upon a time, Red was used to another person, a third person being there with them every morning. He was used to being lifted in the air and spun around a few times before he being squished between that person and his mother while they kissed each other softly and sometimes passionately ("Not in the kitchen, and not while you're still holding Red," his mother would scold.)
But sometime between when he turns four and five, those soft kisses turned to quick pecks on the cheek, and a little after his sixth birthday, Red is told he's too big and too heavy to lift now and gets a pat on the head instead.
And before Red knows it, he's already seven and there are no more kisses, not even a peck on the cheek for his mother, and if Red's lucky, maybe a pat on the head for himself if manages to catch that person before he rushes out the door.
Then, there are spans of days, some of them short but each seemingly longer than the next, when that person doesn't come home.
He knows his mother tries to be strong for him, to be strong for the both of them, but there's only so much she can do when she care barely look at Red, look him in the eyes (his father's eyes).
"Where's Dad," he'd ask, and only be answered with a sad smile and, Oh, honey. Oh, Red, Red, baby. Daddy'll be back any moment now. He'll be home soon.
One day, though, that person never comes back at all.
*
When Green falls in love with Red, it's a loud and spectacular affair.
They're on the playground, and Red has a different lunch period than him so Green's stuck with their other neighbor Leaf. Usually, he would mind this, but this time there's something he needs to say to her and Red can't be around for it.
"Stop playing with Red," he tells her rather dramatically. "Red is my best friend, mine, okay, and no one is allowed to play with him but me."
Leaf squints at him confused for a moment - Green doesn't understand what Leaf could possibly not get about what he just said - then bursts out into a huge grin.
"Oh my gosh, that's so cute," she giggles. "You have a crush on Red!"
"Wait, what?" he sputters and blushes so hard that even his ears turn pink. "I do not! I do not have a crush on Red!" he says before his brain can even process what that means. But when it finally catches up with him, Green thinks, Is that what that is? Haven't you always liked him?
Then it shows on his face.
"You do! You do!" Leaf squeals again, and before Green can protest (even if it's true, he doesn't need Leaf of all people knowing these things), she starts singing. "Red and Green sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
"No! Stop! Stop it!" Green yells and covers his ears.
"First comes love! Then comes marriage -"
Green's eyes snap open at the word "marriage." The sound rings in his ears and he doesn't even hear the last part about Eevee and Pikachu in a carriage.
That's when he decides, there and then, that it needs to stop. For Green, nothing good has ever come out of love and especially not marriage. And if what he and Red have - what they could have - is that, then he needs to nip it in the bud before it even begins. (Even if deep down inside, his heart is telling him that this could be different, this could be a good thing and not something that would break both their hearts.)
But then, Green is determined not to become his parents.
So instead, Green pushes Red away, quietly at first, then loudly, violently, desperately when Red won't go away. Even if it hurts him now, no matter how bad the pain, it would still be worse later, when he has a rotting, festering wound that could never close.
He has enough of those already.
*
When Red falls in love with Green, it is a quiet affair.
He knows Green has been trying to push him away, silently but surely. He can feel it, and he doesn't know why, but he thinks that somewhere, he's seen this before.
Oh, right, his parents, he remembers.
But Red refuses to be his parents. He won't let Green slip from his grasp while he can still do something about it, so he hangs on for dear life. Even though the more he pulls, the harder Green pushes, but he still refuses to give up.
Somehow, Red eventually manages to worm his way into Green's heart, back into his life, and Red dares to believe that maybe there's such a thing as happily ever after.
*
Then, Red leaves.
*
The one inconvenient truth is that Green does not know how to fall out of love. It would certainly be easier to give up, but no, that would make Green like his parents.
This is what Green does instead: he smiles and bears it, mends the surface cracks and ignores the crevices they can't see, pretends that their love has never eroded even though the shadow of what they used to be is still clear in his mind.
Green is not okay with this. But he acts like it is okay when he visits Red on Mt. Silver until it actually becomes okay. Green's still in love and may always be, but he's not sure if either he or Red really wants this anymore. But he fights and fights, and makes it work because it's the only thing he knows how to do.
Sometimes, Red comes down from Mt. Silver, and Green begs him to stay (but not too desperately) so they can pick up where they left off like it never fell apart in the first place.
Still, Red looks at him impassively, and Green can see it in his eyes. You know I'll always come back, and, You know where to find me.
(Green knows that Red needs to do this, to prove to himself that he will come back just like Green needs to prove that he will make it work. Because love doesn't erode. Because nothing has to change.)
(But Red still always leaves.)
1 Akane (茜) is the Japanese word for madder (Rubia cordifloria) and is associated with red from the red dye made from its roots. The name I chose for Red's mother.
Rating: G
Word Count: 1600
Genre: Angst/Family (and not the cute kind)
Series: Pokémon
Characters/Pairings: Green/Red, Green's family, Red's parents, Leaf
Warnings: unhappy families
Summary: Green and Red are not their parents. But that doesn't mean the ghosts of those failures can't still haunt them.
A/N: Writing exercise that kind of exploded into fail, especially towards the end when I stopped telling the story and just started rambling. Blargh. Please do not be too harsh on my typos.
when all else erodes
"It'll just be for a week at most, dad. Please."
Green shifts slightly in the back of his father's car, keeping his eyes closed and wishing he weren't already awake. He leans quietly against his sister, who is breathing evenly, still asleep. Green can hear his grandfather's muffled sigh over the phone.
"What'll you do if it doesn't work out this time?" his grandfather asks.
There's a slight pause. "I don't know," his father admits. "Maybe we'll try again. But this will probably be the last time."
"You should keep trying, for the sake of your kids. Find a different marriage counselor."
"I know, Dad, I know. Why do you think we're still trying?" his father says a little too loudly.
Green shifts again, this time to make himself smaller since he has learned that that is the best way to deal whenever people start screaming. His father glances back over his shoulder to check on Green, but Green's gotten good at pretending to be asleep.
"I know," he says more subdued this time. "But it's not fair to them either."
"I told you you should've married Akane1."
"Yeah, yeah," his father says.
Outside, Green can make out Viridian City's landmarks behind the brightly-lit neon signs that fly by, and knows that they are close to Pallet. Green is only five, but he still remembers enough that he doesn't have fond memories of that place.
"Hey kids, wake up. We're almost at Grandpa's," his father whispers when they are five minutes from their grandfather's ranch. Beside him, Nanami barely stirs, making soft, sleepy protests for another five minutes. Green simply opens his eyes. He fixes his gaze on the back of his father's head.
"Your mother and I, we have some things we need to do. Some grown up things. There are some things we need to figure out, and while we do that, we need you two to be good for Grandpa, okay?"
Nanami nods slowly, accepting their father's lies so easily. She has always been the better of the two, between her and her brother. Green, though, doesn't say anything.
"When we come get you, we can all go to the beach together. Me and mom and the both of you. You'd like that wouldn't you?"
Nanami nods again, having climbed out the car already, and their father pats her on the head. But when his father looks for that acceptance in him, all Green does is stare back at him accusingly with his five-year-old green eyes (his mother's eyes).
"We'll come back soon," his father says.
Liar, Green thinks, and he can see his own mistrust reflected back in his father's eyes.
Neither of them ever do come back.
*
There are certain things Red is used to in his life. He is used to being woken up by the sound of his mother's singing in the mornings. He is used to the smell of her delicious home-cooked breakfasts wafting into his room, which is what eventually pulls him out of bed, and the bright smile she greets him with when he pads into the kitchen.
There are other things he was once used to, but have now forgotten.
Once upon a time, Red was used to another person, a third person being there with them every morning. He was used to being lifted in the air and spun around a few times before he being squished between that person and his mother while they kissed each other softly and sometimes passionately ("Not in the kitchen, and not while you're still holding Red," his mother would scold.)
But sometime between when he turns four and five, those soft kisses turned to quick pecks on the cheek, and a little after his sixth birthday, Red is told he's too big and too heavy to lift now and gets a pat on the head instead.
And before Red knows it, he's already seven and there are no more kisses, not even a peck on the cheek for his mother, and if Red's lucky, maybe a pat on the head for himself if manages to catch that person before he rushes out the door.
Then, there are spans of days, some of them short but each seemingly longer than the next, when that person doesn't come home.
He knows his mother tries to be strong for him, to be strong for the both of them, but there's only so much she can do when she care barely look at Red, look him in the eyes (his father's eyes).
"Where's Dad," he'd ask, and only be answered with a sad smile and, Oh, honey. Oh, Red, Red, baby. Daddy'll be back any moment now. He'll be home soon.
One day, though, that person never comes back at all.
*
When Green falls in love with Red, it's a loud and spectacular affair.
They're on the playground, and Red has a different lunch period than him so Green's stuck with their other neighbor Leaf. Usually, he would mind this, but this time there's something he needs to say to her and Red can't be around for it.
"Stop playing with Red," he tells her rather dramatically. "Red is my best friend, mine, okay, and no one is allowed to play with him but me."
Leaf squints at him confused for a moment - Green doesn't understand what Leaf could possibly not get about what he just said - then bursts out into a huge grin.
"Oh my gosh, that's so cute," she giggles. "You have a crush on Red!"
"Wait, what?" he sputters and blushes so hard that even his ears turn pink. "I do not! I do not have a crush on Red!" he says before his brain can even process what that means. But when it finally catches up with him, Green thinks, Is that what that is? Haven't you always liked him?
Then it shows on his face.
"You do! You do!" Leaf squeals again, and before Green can protest (even if it's true, he doesn't need Leaf of all people knowing these things), she starts singing. "Red and Green sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
"No! Stop! Stop it!" Green yells and covers his ears.
"First comes love! Then comes marriage -"
Green's eyes snap open at the word "marriage." The sound rings in his ears and he doesn't even hear the last part about Eevee and Pikachu in a carriage.
That's when he decides, there and then, that it needs to stop. For Green, nothing good has ever come out of love and especially not marriage. And if what he and Red have - what they could have - is that, then he needs to nip it in the bud before it even begins. (Even if deep down inside, his heart is telling him that this could be different, this could be a good thing and not something that would break both their hearts.)
But then, Green is determined not to become his parents.
So instead, Green pushes Red away, quietly at first, then loudly, violently, desperately when Red won't go away. Even if it hurts him now, no matter how bad the pain, it would still be worse later, when he has a rotting, festering wound that could never close.
He has enough of those already.
*
When Red falls in love with Green, it is a quiet affair.
He knows Green has been trying to push him away, silently but surely. He can feel it, and he doesn't know why, but he thinks that somewhere, he's seen this before.
Oh, right, his parents, he remembers.
But Red refuses to be his parents. He won't let Green slip from his grasp while he can still do something about it, so he hangs on for dear life. Even though the more he pulls, the harder Green pushes, but he still refuses to give up.
Somehow, Red eventually manages to worm his way into Green's heart, back into his life, and Red dares to believe that maybe there's such a thing as happily ever after.
*
Then, Red leaves.
*
The one inconvenient truth is that Green does not know how to fall out of love. It would certainly be easier to give up, but no, that would make Green like his parents.
This is what Green does instead: he smiles and bears it, mends the surface cracks and ignores the crevices they can't see, pretends that their love has never eroded even though the shadow of what they used to be is still clear in his mind.
Green is not okay with this. But he acts like it is okay when he visits Red on Mt. Silver until it actually becomes okay. Green's still in love and may always be, but he's not sure if either he or Red really wants this anymore. But he fights and fights, and makes it work because it's the only thing he knows how to do.
Sometimes, Red comes down from Mt. Silver, and Green begs him to stay (but not too desperately) so they can pick up where they left off like it never fell apart in the first place.
Still, Red looks at him impassively, and Green can see it in his eyes. You know I'll always come back, and, You know where to find me.
(Green knows that Red needs to do this, to prove to himself that he will come back just like Green needs to prove that he will make it work. Because love doesn't erode. Because nothing has to change.)
(But Red still always leaves.)
1 Akane (茜) is the Japanese word for madder (Rubia cordifloria) and is associated with red from the red dye made from its roots. The name I chose for Red's mother.